Summary

The article discusses the importance of allowance as a skill for connecting with others who hold different perspectives, particularly in the context of racial justice in the US.

Abstract

The text emphasizes the significance of cultivating allowance in interactions with people whose views differ from our own. It highlights the role of patience, listening, and understanding in making connections that can bridge divides, especially in light of events such as the George Floyd trial. The author argues that allowance is distinct from acceptance or tolerance, advocating for a space of ease where individuals can create their own lives without judgment. Allowance is presented as essential for personal aliveness and intimacy with oneself, as well as for fostering change and mitigating judgment in society. The article encourages self-awareness, curiosity, and the freedom to choose without attachment to outcomes, suggesting that these practices can lead to a more connected and aliv community.

Opinions

The author believes that true understanding of another person's perspective requires patience and a willingness to listen.
Allowance is seen as a key element in creating a positive interpretation of events and in cultivating intimacy with oneself, as opposed to acceptance or tolerance.
Allowance is not about resigning oneself to things one doesn't like but about being at ease with oneself and others.
The article suggests that judgment creates separation and hinders change, while allowance acts as a lubricant for change and an antidote to judgment.
The text promotes the idea that individuals should give themselves permission to make mistakes and that curiosity is crucial for becoming aware of one's own orientation.
It is the author's view that choosing actions that feed one's aliveness can lead to connections with others and a more vibrant life.

How to Connect With People You Don’t Agree With

Allowance is an important skill to cultivate.

Understanding Perspective — Photo by Jennifer Griffin on Unsplash

When we are able to make a connection with someone that has a different view of events, it creates a different possibility for our communities.

It’s been an important time in history for racial justice in the US.

The murderer of George Floyd was found guilty. From the beginning, the verdict was clear to many yet we weren’t sure if the courts would agree with that in the decision.

We’ve been disappointed so many times before, so we were worried it would happen again. Others fear the changes that are coming.

The work of healing continues as the divide in the United States still exists.

Understanding another person’s perspective can help.

We can’t change who someone is, deep down. Truly understanding the perspective of another person takes patience and a willingness to listen.

All we can do is be open to their stories. In return, we ask that they listen to ours. In that way, we can learn more about each other's orientation to events.

Remaining in allowance and keeping a positive attitude can give you the stamina to create a positive interpretation of events.

When you allow others to create their own lives, it gives you permission to do the same.

Allowance is the key.

It is a vital piece of cultivating intimacy with yourself. To be in allowance with yourself is when you are able to “be, choose and do whatever you want to be, choose and do”.

In this way you allow yourself to create your own life. Remember, making your own choice is Your Superpower.

Allowance is not about accepting things or tolerating abuse.

There is a difference between acceptance or tolerance and allowance. If you are tolerating something, you may prefer something else, but you are putting up with it.

Acceptance feels like you don’t have a choice; it feels like; I’m still going to have negative thoughts about it but I’m going to accept it.

When you are in allowance, you are in a space of ease, or intimacy with yourself.

Allowance is the lubricant for change and the antidote to judgment.

When you are in allowance, you aren’t judging yourself. You’re also not judging others.

You may observe and realize that you disagree but you are aware that you don’t have their life, history, and perspective so you are able to allow them theirs.

You are able to sit in the feeling of allowance and make any decisions from that calm and respectful space.

It can be challenging to pull off. We have deep beliefs and judgments from our life, or history and perspectives.

Judgment creates separation — it locks in more of the same and doesn’t allow change.

Vulnerable allowance is when you give yourself permission to totally screw up.

Allowance is one of the vital pieces of your aliveness.

When you are cultivating aliveness, it is helpful to remind yourself to give yourself a break.

You are allowed to choose without knowing what will happen. You are allowed to try something and then you are allowed to choose something else.

Curiosity is the key to becoming aware of your orientation.

Ask yourself how you are functioning.

What is creating your feelings of upset or frustration? How are you contributing to the judgment in this situation?

Just observe things and don’t attach yourself to the outcome. Self-awareness takes practice.

Giving yourself the freedom of allowance is a loving gift. Remember, you are free to be, choose and do whatever you want.

Choose something that feeds your aliveness at this moment.

And that just might be something that connects you with others.