How to Completely Transform Your Life in 7 Steps (By Ex-cult Member)

It’s Not as Hard as People Make it Out To Be

· Step #1:  Clarify your immediate purpose
  ∘ Who you are in the future
  ∘ Your immediate purpose based on your 1–3 priorities
  ∘ Your 12-month objectives based on 1–3 priorities
· Step #2: Strip away lesser goals
· Step #3: Elevate from “wanting” to “knowing” 
· Step #4: Ask for what you want specifically 
· Step #5: Automate and systemize
· Step #6: Book yourself in advance
· Step #7: Focus on shipping 
· Final thoughts

In 2019, my life took a drastic turn.

I left a religious cult I’d been a member of for four years prior.

Friends I had before joining cut me off, and rightly so.

To add to the drama, my time in the cult left me swimming in debt.

Since I played Football in my younger years, I didn’t go to college until later, but the course I did didn’t open any exciting doors I wanted to pursue — I just hated academics.

There I was:

• No friends
• No proper education
• No work experience

This alone time allowed me to sit with myself and think deeply about what I truly wanted without any external influence.

Once I got clear, I got to work.

In the 5 years since I left the cult, I’ve been able to learn how to code and build AI applications, make money online, and build my own internet business.

I’ve also packed on a whole load of muscle, gone bald, and paid down most of the debt I got myself into during those 4 years.

This process taught me about life transformation.

There were 7 steps I followed to make it happen, and if you do the same, you can completely transform your life too.

Here they are…

Step #1: Clarify your immediate purpose

Too many people are concerned with solving problems that aren’t even problems yet.

This is the biggest waste of your time if you wanna make an impact now.

Focus your attention on what must be fixed in the present — this is your immediate purpose.

Your immediate purpose is the obstacle you believe is the most important one to tackle now.

Think of it as a subset of your overarching purpose.

For example, Steve Jobs’ overarching purpose was to change the world in his lifetime, but when he returned in 1997, his immediate purpose was stabilizing Apple’s finances, which were in tatters.

Once he achieved this objective, he moved on to the next one…

Given the current state of your life, what’s the most important challenge you’re facing right now?

Before you race to go and answer that question, hold on...

There’s 3 things you must clarify to determine your immediate purpose:

1. Who you are in the future
2. Your immediate purpose based on your 1–3 priorities
3. Your 12-month objectives based on 1-3 priorities

Let’s dive deeper into each…

Who you are in the future

The best life is reverse-engineered from the end to the beginning.

As I said, Jobs wanted to change the world in his lifetime, but in order to do that, he had to change Apple’s bank balance first.

The further out into the future you can see, the more informed you are and the more strategic you can be with your actions.

Your immediate purpose based on your 1–3 priorities

Where you wanna be in the future determines what the most objective is now.

If Jobs’ long-term objective were to have the best natural body the world has ever seen, he wouldn’t have made the same decisions he did when he rejoined Apple.

Think about who you wanna be so you can clarify your priorities.

It should be no more than 1–3.

Before I left the cult, my priorities were:

• Get out of debt
• Learn a high-value skill that didn’t require me to exert myself physically
• Earn more money

When I realized being in the cult conflicted with my priorities, I left — more on this in the next step.

Your 12-month objectives based on 1–3 priorities

Once you’ve defined your priorities, you must set goals for them and rank them in order of importance.

Your most important objective must receive the majority share of your resources.

For example, I realized that if I learned a high-value skill that didn’t require me to exert myself physically, I’d be able to use it to make more money than I was working as a postman, which would allow me to get out of debt faster.

Thus, when I was torn between paying down debt and investing in learning a high-value skill, I selected the latter because it was more important.

Another thing to note is this: the objective you pursue determines the process you follow.

The non-physical skill I learned was programming…

Not once did I ever consider working for a top tech firm like Google or Microsoft, but if I had, my actions would have been drastically different.

Here’s what I learned: it’s much better to go big when defining your yearly objectives.

It takes the same amount of effort to do any kind of transformation — it’s just a different process.

TLDR: Make your yearly objectives massive.

Step #2: Strip away lesser goals

Your results are based on what you’re most committed to.

If you’re unsure of what you’re committed to, just monitor your behavior.

As the saying goes, “If you want to know someone’s mind, listen to their words. If you want to know their heart, watch their actions.”

If you’re working on a project but constantly distracting yourself with other things, then you’re committed to the distractions — they are more important to you than your goal at that moment.

This is why I laugh at people who make excuses.

Your behavior reflects your values.

… And if your behavior is not something that will move you closer to your desired future, it’s not that important to you yet.

Simple as!

“Your behavior reflects your commitment, and therefore, your results reflect your commitment.”

— Benjamin Hardy

If you’re truly committed to something, you’ll cut most of what you’re doing.

When Jobs returned to Apple in 1997, he cut 70% of Apple’s product line and got the company out of side businesses like printers and servers.

When I realized being in the cult was obstructing the achievement of my objectives, I dropped out.

Connect to where you’re going, or you’ll yield to a lesser goal and never achieve your objectives.

As Robert Brault said, “We are kept from our goal not by obstacles but by a clear path to a lesser goal.”

Anything that’s not taking you toward your objective is moving you further away or delaying the journey.

You can afford to keep the activities that delay the journey if you don’t mind it taking a little longer, but you must absolutely remove anything moving you further away.

Step #3: Elevate from “wanting” to “knowing”

We all know “needing” creates an unhealthy attachment.

Being needy implies you’re in a deep state of lack and can’t be complete until it’s filled — this is your sign to run away from anyone who needs to be in a relationship with you.

“Wanting” is better than needing, but it still comes from a place of lack since it acknowledges that you desire something you don’t have.

In essence, when you “want” something, you simultaneously lack it, so you’re not in a state of abundance.

The best form you can take is the state of “knowing.”

Knowing implies you’ve accepted you already have everything you want so that you can live in a state of peace and gratitude.

This state is what religious people refer to as faith.

In the bible, the book of Hebrews 11:1, it says, “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”

In other words, faith knows what can’t be seen has happened.

This explains why religious people can make various sacrifices despite never seeing God or whatever they believe in.

The reason you must be in a state of knowing is because it changes how you act.

As Florence Shinn, the American artist and book illustrator who became a New Thought spiritual teacher, would say, “Faith knows it has already received and acts accordingly.”

If you know you’re going to the gym at 5 a.m. tomorrow, you’ll act differently from someone who wants to go at 5 a.m. tomorrow.

For example, you’ll get your gear ready the night before and sleep early.

Someone who wants to go will merely hope things align so they can go — there’s no conviction in their actions.

TLDR: When you know something is yours, you act differently.

This is why Stephen Covey said, “To know and not do is really not to know.”

You must be in a state of knowing so you can act with conviction.

The best way to tune your mind into this frequency is with gratitude.

Gratitude is typically used to express joy for what’s occurred in the past — “I’m grateful for what my parents did for me.”

What most people don’t know is that the highest form of gratitude is proactive gratitude.

This is when you are thankful in advance — “I’m grateful for the 5M+ people my content has touched in 2024.”

The reason it’s so effective is that it elevates your mind from wanting to knowing.

When you know something is already yours, you’ll act accordingly.

Step #4: Ask for what you want specifically

Nobody is truly self-made.

The key to everything you could possibly want is in the hands of somebody else.

We all need others to get to where we wanna go.

For example, Medium asked me to sign up for the platform if I wanted to read unlimited stories…

If I do it, I get what I want (unlimited stories), and they get what they want (more paid subscribers).

You know you’re committed to something when you’re willing to ask for it directly, boldly, and without apology.

And…

You’ll only start receiving when you start asking — there’s no other way around it.

Sure, people will tell you “No,” but that’s okay.

Too many people are afraid to ask for exactly what they want because they don’t think they can get it.

Instead, they lower their standard and receive at the level of their internal acceptance.

When you ask for what you want, what you want will come to you.

Why?

“What you seek is seeking you,” as Rumi, the 13th-century poet and Islamic scholar, would say.

You get in life what you’re willing to ask for.

Ask experts, friends, God, anybody — heck, Steve Jobs asked Bill Gates, his sworn rival at the time, for a $150 million bailout for Apple.

It may take persistence, but don’t be afraid to ask.

Step #5: Automate and systemize

You must systemize and automate to simplify and accelerate your transformation.

Strategic systems free your conscious mind.

This enables you to plan, focus, and play (from time to time).

Automation ensures consistency.

If you’re trying to do everything yourself, flow and focus are difficult because there are hundreds of other things you could be doing.

Thus, the system you create must be designed around the transformed version of yourself.

For example, when working in the City of London Guildhall postroom, I knew I had to build applications daily to grow more confident in my programming skills…

Since the job was extremely hands-off, I knew I could get much more free time if I batched my tasks, so I only did my postal rounds from 12 p.m. to 12:30 p.m. and 3 p.m. to 3:30 p.m.

Everything else was in between was handled by my colleagues, which allowed me to practice building applications in between.

Now, I have much more resources than I did back then, and my transformed version is much bigger than it was back then…

To attain it, I delegate to systemize and automate.

For context, I delegated my social media and newsletter publishing to various scheduling tools.

I systemized and automated the process by scheduling my content every Sunday at 8 a.m.

Your main objective is to focus on doing the right things at the right time.

The only way you can achieve this is by finding the right who’s to help you fulfill the how’s.

It’s extremely vital you’re completely unaware of everything going on in the outside world when you’re creating your world.

Allow your mind to be free so you can focus on the most important tasks.

Step #6: Book yourself in advance

Show me your schedule, and I’ll tell you your priorities.

Your schedule reflects what you’re most committed to.

Getting it right is the difference between 0x’ing, 10x’ing, or 100x’ing your productive output.

The more you control where your time goes, the less time controls you.

“Your time is the clearest indicator of your commitment. You can’t hide how you spend your time.”

— Benjamin Hardy

Freedom is about taking ownership of where your time goes.

Your schedule must reflect the transformed version of yourself.

In other words, what will you be doing when you’ve realized your transformation?

There will never be a convenient time to stop pursuing a lesser goal.

Opportunities to derail you from your path will constantly keep coming.

For example, a while after I left the cult, the leader started making up stories about me to discredit my name.

Initially, I left on extremely good terms — he even did a periscope praising me after the day after my exit — which meant my influence there was still quite large (context: I was an important leader and ran my own church).

I never told anyone to leave, but when I left, LOTS of people followed suit.

By discrediting me, more members would fear leaving because they didn’t want the same fate.

The only problem is everything he was telling them were lies.

For instance, he said I had gotten a member of my fellowship pregnant, which was a big shock to the leadership because many of them who were around me knew I’d been celibate for 4 years.

It was a lie. I didn’t get anyone pregnant, and I don’t have kids.

This pissed me off, but I ignored it at first…

As the lies piled up, I eventually got fed up and made contact — I wanted to prove myself right.

It sparked a long back-and-forth on social media that dragged on for months.

In hindsight, I realized the only reason I was able to get sucked into something like that was because I didn’t have a schedule that booked me in advance.

When your time is booked in advance, you don’t make compromises for it.

If a friend asks you to go for dinner during work hours, you tell them, “I can’t; I’ll be at work.”

Everything you allow yourself to do fits around your schedule.

Your schedule determines your commitments.

You must book yourself in advance.

Prioritize your time, or your lesser goals will.

Step #7: Focus on shipping

Facebook’s (now Meta) motto until 2014 was “Move fast and break things.”

This took them from a company in a dorm room to the behemoth it is today.

Mark Zuckerberg made it as a way to inspire his team to do things quickly.

His intention was to prioritize speed over perfection.

During your transformation phase, you must embrace this exact same motto — Move fast and break things.

Dial in your focus on shipping instead of being right.

In other words, focus on finishing.

Getting shit done is better than making them perfect.

Learn to detach yourself from outcomes by allowing yourself the grace to be wrong.

Use your failures as lessons to iterate from so you can be better going forward.

The more you make completion your way of life, the more you realize your transformed version.

A few months after leaving the cult, I landed my first role as a machine learning engineer.

The only reason I achieved this is because I made shipping my habit…

If I wasn’t working on a new application, I was improving an old one.

I also went to various meet-ups regularly to learn more about the field and develop my skills.

At one particular meet-up, a guy with a massive beard came and sat beside me at the front.

He had a few issues with his code, so I helped him out.

When he asked me how I knew how to do that, I told him I’d been working on a few projects in my spare time.

He asked to see them, and I showed him.

We exchanged numbers, but I didn’t hear from him for a while…

4 months later, I got a call, “Hey Kurtis, It’s me ***** from the IBM meet-up. Are you around next Monday? The chief technology officer and CEO wanna see the projects you’ve built.”

When I went in on the Monday, the CEO had been away so it was only me and the CTO.

I walked him through it, and he offered me a job on the spot.

Shipping is way better than being perfect.

Focus on getting shit done, and what you’re looking for will find you.

Final thoughts

Transforming your life is not as hard as people make it.

The problem is most people don’t have a clear strategy for how to make it happen.

This 7-step process will help you:

· Step #1: Clarify your immediate purpose · Step #2: Strip away lesser goals · Step #3: Elevate from “wanting” to “knowing” · Step #4: Ask for what you want specifically · Step #5: Automate and systemize · Step #6: Book yourself in advance · Step #7: Focus on shipping

The clearer you are on your desired future, the more focused and intentional you can be.

Learn this process and then do it.

Thanks for reading!

Grab your FREE copy of my short e-book — Don’t Just Set Goals, Build Systems.