DOGS

How to Check Mark You don’t have a Dog on the USPS Website

When the mailman comes to pick up your “small business” Ebay book delivery he needs to know this detail apparently.

Sounds like an old episode of the The Three Stooges, The Little Rascals, Abbott and Costello and maybe even that Absolutely Fabulous UK TV show with K-Pop BTS purple-white “blue-hair” styled quaffs. You know, it could be like that… but USPSdotCOM is asking, “Do you have a dog?”

Yes or no, Bud.

It made me stop to think about it because I don’t have a dog and probably would like one, but imagining taking it to the Vet gives me a migraine and makes me sad just thinking of it.

Like I have a part-time construction job and this Golden Retriever puppy on a leash came up to me on the sidewalk, bending and craning its body and neck to watch me walk down the street with a wheel barrel and a N-95 mask on my face, which was a double layer, because under that I had a cloth mask to keep… well, you know what happened next, right?

Lick!

You see, I love dogs and I don’t have one.

Sometimes it bothers me because when I see Golden Retrievers I fall to my knees in submission, I lay on the grass donor so they can tackle me and climb on top of me. I like friendly dogs and their tongues. Apparently a dogs mouth is so hot in temperature there are no bacteria but I did not Google that.

One time I had a mutt.

And it had to’ve had golden retriever and lab in it, but of course we could never figure out that last piece of Dog DNA, but it was a “Lassie” dog because I remember her being smaller than her husband when my family walked out with “Shannon” from the guy’s house where we got it from, out in the woods somewhere, where my brother and I saw Shannon pull on the braid of this guy’s young child with long dark pony tails, that lived there, as a puppy. Shannon being my first and only childhood dog.

Shannon shed on the wood or linoleum floors of my house because my dad was crazy about wood floors, no carpet.

Mouth always wide and the only abuse I ever gave it when I was 16 was that I would grab it’s big tongue when he licked my hand and he would let me hold it tight like that for a couple seconds before he took his tongue out of my grip.

Shannon cried with me once when my gradma was dying. A kitten cried with me once too when I started crying driving my car to the emergency vet.

I was on a date that night, too and it ruined everything! I cried on the ride home because how could I play with my kitten named Bowie so rough that it sprained his ankle! What an asshole I was!

So it started crying along with me after a minute because I’m sure it was wondering what I was going on about so much. Poor both of us.

But Shannon did the same thing when I started crying with him in my bedroom and it took him like a couple of minutes before he joined in with me, which actually surprised me and made it better at the same time because I was always depressed in high school, college and grad school, LOL! I can laugh about it now.

Makes me think “Dog” truly is God backwards, and “Cat” is Tac, and if you said my name backwards in German it would be HouseGod! Or “village” or “town” if you ask anyone who knows German.

There’s a great, YouTube video

I saw yesterday with Elton John being interviewed by Mr. Bean.

Mr. Bean’s beef with Elton John was that “Elton” is a Surname and “John” is a Christian name, so it should’ve been done backwards; John Elton, instead is Bean’s argument.

I’m too lazy to copy and paste the YouTube video URL into this blogpost, so you probably hate me now.

Evan Hundhausen is a published & award winning poet, play slash screenwriter, short fiction writer, cannabis journalist m and he’s even been a Club DJ.