How to Check In with Yourself So You Don’t Spiral into an Abyss
The real goal of this is to stay in the moment
Life isn’t bad, but it’s your not having the skills to manage your well-being that gets you.
We must learn to self-regulate, managing our state of being, if we desire to get the most out of life. But, of course, it’s easier said than done.
You might feel like your wellness waxes and wanes as the moon does throughout the month.
Or, you may be into self-sabotage, managing to take your foot off the gas and coast back down the hill you came as soon as you reach the top.
When it comes to not being our best, I’m as guilty as they come. We all have our shortcomings. But it would be nice to get to a place where our lows aren’t so terrible because we can deal.
It would be ideal to have a process to empower our well-being — our ability to thrive.
To achieve this simple but mighty feat, you need, like a surgeon, a step-by-step process you go through when the stakes are high.
Without such a process, you’re at the mercy of what life brings, and there’s always a storm brewing.
What to Do When the Rain Pours in and You’re Not Ready
When I catch myself not feeling like myself, which is often, I ask myself how I can make the situation better by a tenth of a percentage.
I start by asking myself how I feel on a scale of one to ten. Then, if it’s not a ten, I ask what would bring things a tenth of a percentage up. If I’m at a seven, how can I go to a seven-point-zero-one?
The answer always seems trivial – like having a glass of water, turning on a light while reading, walking, or taking a break from my computer.
When you tune into yourself, you’ll find you have instincts, preferences, a point of view, and more. We’re the designers of our lives if we let our visions come to life.
The real goal of this process is to stay in the moment. But sometimes, you must check in with yourself before checking into the game.
Take a step back when you feel you need it. Try this exercise with yourself and see how it works.
With these helpful tips, you’ll meet your needs like the adult you are.
Real Growth Is about Opening Your Heart to the Whole World
We have more pain inside us than we’d like to admit.
I’ve gotten so good at putting it out of sight that it’s been out of mind. But it has not been freed from my body.
The dark cloud feeling looms while I go through daily life.
It doesn’t make me feel open. It makes me want to run and hide. Anxiety reaches fever pitches, and I need escape.
When you’re stuck in life, it’s because there’s unprocessed trauma standing in the way.
Counter to what fear will tell you, the pain is a good sign. It’s directing you toward the change you need to make, the aspects of yourself you need to heal and give attention to.
This tending of your garden becomes easier when you do it often, like anything else.
It’s good to be familiar with yourself. You’d be surprised at what’s in store. Maybe a whole new you.
The Struggle You Feel Is a Human One, So Don’t Make Yourself into an Alien
The more intimate the pain, the more relatable it is. So don’t shun your truth for fear of being an outcast. The more personal, the more universal.
For instance, these are notes to myself after a therapy session:
You were brought down a lot to make others feel big.
You felt like allowing someone to abuse you emotionally was what you needed to do to be accepted.
You had to be someone’s punching bag. You had to suppress how you felt about the neglect, mistreatment, and endangerment you experienced.
You’re inwardly tortured because you refuse to acknowledge you’ve been harmed. You don’t want to feel weak. But closing your heart closes it to you, too.
Ignoring your child self is to blame it when in reality, you did the best you could with what you knew. Not to mention, you were a child.
You didn’t get a chance to express your full self. Whenever you wanted to grow and be more, those more powerful than you felt threatened.
Your growth was challenging their self-esteem, so they tore you down. Yet, you managed to withstand all that happened to you.
You’re stronger than you think. You’re stronger than you know.
The pain you have is valid. The pain you have is real. You don’t have to hold it in anymore.
You’re safe.
You can breathe.
You can take it easy.
Everything is alright.
You never received the comfort you needed.
You didn’t get reassurance. You were met with emotional unavailability.
You went numb from the pain the confusion caused by not being loved, from not being seen, from not being accepted.
You were a vehicle for others’ pain and misery.
You felt responsible because you were emotionally blackmailed.
Those weren’t your burdens to carry.
Closing thought
Understanding whatever your story may be is the key to freeing the aspects of yourself that were unacceptable. Your inner child wants to be acknowledged.
It’s about integrating them into who you are, becoming whole again.
It’s about being well.
So let’s do it. How are you on a scale of one to ten?
Check in with yourself today. Give yourself five minutes.
Be well.