Your President Doesn’t Suck Anymore

Summary

The article humorously discusses the significance of President's Day in the context of a new presidency, reflecting on the past and suggesting a unifying celebration.

Abstract

The text, under the headings "Humor/Politics" and "How to Celebrate President’s Day," playfully addresses the recent change in the U.S. presidency, expressing a sense of relief and celebration with the arrival of a new president. It contrasts the current enthusiasm with a time when the president's identity seemed less critical, except during dementia tests. The author suggests a lighthearted approach to celebrating President's Day by brushing off a car and singing about the new president, while also reflecting on the holiday's origins and its evolution due to the Uniform Monday Holiday Act. The piece questions the notion of a unified people in the current political climate and proposes a non-partisan, festive celebration on President's Day to bring people together in the spirit of joy and unity.

Opinions

How to Celebrate President’s Day

New President in the House! Whoot Whoot! If my son heard me say that, he would say, “No one has said ‘whoot whoot’ in like a hundred years.”

And I would say, “They said ‘whoot whoot’ a hundred years ago? Oh, capital, my boy! By Jeeves. Nothing changes.”

But it did. New President in the House. Happy President's Day!!!!!

Remember when it didn’t really matter who the President was? The only time it really counted was when you were getting a dementia test. “Who's the President? Do you know what day it is?” Damn, I’d get a 50% on that dementia test now.

Maybe they should change the questions to, “Who’s the President? What season it is?” Because then, you could just look out your window and check. “Ah, snow. Winter.”

So, I’m celebrating. Every hour, I’m going outside and brushing off my car so I can find it on Tuesday. When I dust it off, I sing loudly, “Biden is the President. Biden is the President!” I sing it to the tune of whoot whoot.

Presidents Day. In 1885, it was all about President George Washington. Celebrating the big Kahuna. In 1971, they moved it and it focused around the Uniform Monday Holiday Act, an attempt to create more three-day weekends for the nation’s workers. Remember the workers? The people who make this country work? We, the people. Not the big guy who lives in the house on the hill. Us. Remember us?

The people. But who are the people now? Now that we don’t even consider ourselves one people. I ask you this. If you don’t believe that the guy living in the White House is the President, do you still get the day off? You’d probably say, “Sure, I just got a different President.”

President’s Day. I just learned that 13 states don’t even celebrate President’s Day. Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, New Mexico, North Carolina, Ohio, Rhode Island, and Wisconsin. And I think, wow, you’re missing quite a wild party. But there’s no party. Or there are two parties. There might be three parties by the next election.

Speaking of parties, doesn’t it seem like we all really need one? What if we lay down our arms and our differences on Presidents Day, and have an actual party. Not a march, not a riot, not an insurrection. A knockdown, drag-out, Marty Gras style party. Something that makes people want to come together, once a year and “Whoot! Whoot!” Even if no one has done that in a hundred years.