Self
How To Spread Happiness Like A Virus
Emotions are contagious and we can leverage that to improve our quality of life.
My ex had this bizarre moodiness, that often manifested as a spontaneous mean streak. We could be having a discussion and she would suddenly lose her temper and hurl a personal insult — that felt completely uncalled for. Then, she’d continue talking as if nothing was wrong. It felt like an emotional hit and run.
Months into the relationship, I hung out with her extended family at a big dinner they’d orchestrated. I’d never spent protracted time around them, including her six siblings. I was shocked as I saw that same hit-and-run moodiness flare up with another sibling and, later that evening, her mother. It was like the behavior was a disease that had spread among them.
And that’s exactly what happens with emotions. It is called an emotional contagion, which describes how moods can transfer between people with ease.
The closer in proximity to someone, the stronger the emotional influence. Per a study by psychologist, Dr. Mary Howes, happy college students who lived with depressed roommates often showed signs of depression after living with them for only five months. Which harkens to my ex, and why it shouldn’t be surprising that growing up in an emotionally volatile environment, transferred some of that volatility to her. That said, it’s far from guaranteed that growing up around angry people makes you angry.
I’ve found that negativity, and all it’s associated emotions, are particularly contagious. Which is why I’ve had to change who I spend time with. A former friend Alex was quite negative. In his defense, he grew up in a broken home with an alcoholic father. But eventually, it all became too much for me. I literally turned his ringtone into the sound of a thunder clap, because I knew that as soon as I picked up, the complaining would kick off and consume me and every drop of optimism I had for the day.
There are several things to look out for, and steps one can take to improve their emotional footprint and live a more prosperous life.
Emotional transfers can happen online
I’m generally fairly immune to harassment at this point in my writing career. I’ve been posting online for nearly eight years. So much has happened and I’ve seen a thousand different shades of trolling.
For the most part, I just block and move on and forget about it. But every now and then, a person sneaks in a shot that gets through my armor. I’ll walk away from the computer irritated and running the barbed comment through my mind.
These users are typically quite unhappy and bitter people — who are harassing other users too. Remember this before you engage with them. Emotions transfer in the digital sphere quite effectively.
A study by Dr. Adam Kramer, a psychology professor at Princeton University, examined how content consumption on Facebook affected a user’s own Facebook posts. When users were exposed to more negative content, they were much more likely to post negative status updates and write unhappy thoughts. And, sadly, this can ripple outwards with greater impact from influencers. A user with millions of followers can post cynical content, and suck substantial happiness out of this world.
But what can we do to actually be more positive in everyday life?
1. Lead by example
The most charismatic and well-liked people I know do two things with ease. First, they are confident and relaxed, but never arrogant. Second, they give you a big smile and look excited to see you. This is how we should conduct ourselves. Be a carrier of happiness.
This starts by surrounding yourself with positive people. No, you can’t expect every friend to be happy 24–7. But they shouldn’t be bringing a world of problems and baggage to your doorstep each day. Killing the vibe really is a thing.
One way of expressing that happiness is to volunteer and give back. Research has continually proven that volunteering improves your well-being and that of your intended. One of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done was volunteer with the Special Olympics Swim team as a coach. I still smile thinking back on those memories.
2. Depersonalize negativity
As a writing teacher, I’m frequently asked on how to deal with trolls and not let them get to you. I remind students that, somewhere out there, a man was just fired. He got a speeding ticket on the way home. Then, he got into a huge fight with his spouse. Finally, he sat on the couch, turned on his Medium app, and the first thing he saw was your article. And so you shouldn’t be surprised when his feedback isn’t particularly happy or helpful.
You don’t always know what’s going on in someone’s head and in their day. Their agitation often isn’t about you. Psychologists have shown that we often take misunderstandings and conflicts too personally, and then ruminate on that negativity and ruin our mood over time. Don’t get caught in the trap.
I still remember blocking one user on Quora, who had left a comment laced with profanity and insults. After blocking him, I reviewed his edit history, and saw that he was leaving these nasty comments with other male users, and then leaving sexual comments on women’s posts, saying things like, “Nice legs, baby.” It was telling. And reminded me that this type of person wasn’t worthy of affecting my mood.
It is as the Greek Philosopher Epictetus wrote, “Any person capable of angering you becomes your master; he can anger you only when you permit yourself to be disturbed by him.”
3. Don’t cause unintentional unhappiness
A common mistake when dealing with an unhappy friend is to tell them to shake it off or to say, “Cheer up!” This is proven to be detrimental and aggravating. It signals you aren’t paying attention to their feelings.
If you are that downtrodden person, try not to inflict your mood upon other people. You have a choice in how you conduct yourself. Mistreating others won’t improve anyone’s situation. One thing that has helped me escape this negativity is to focus on something else, be it a productive task, music, going for a walk — anything to get out of my head when I’m in a doom loop.
As a bonus tip, and as corny as it sounds, a pet dog can help with emotional contagion, especially if that dog has a happy demeanor— as most do. One study showed that dog ownership is correlated with increased positivity and overall wellbeing. Sure, it’s more work. But they pay it back and then some.
Remember — we live in a culture that is inundated with negativity, especially as we begin this election year. If you want to be happy, associate with those who seem happy and optimistic about life. Refrain from engaging with negative users online, and following influencers who make you more pessimistic about life. Depersonalize negative interactions and don’t let strangers rule over your mood.
Happiness isn’t always a choice, but there are things we can do to make it within reach. Go out and catch a good vibe from someone. Then — pass it on.
