How to Cancel Christmas Without Feeling Scrooged
Celebrating the holidays 2020 style
When you’ve moved across Canada as many times as we have, you learn to be flexible about Christmastime.
Whether my husband, Martin, and I have celebrated the holidays on our own or with family, preparing for Christmas would start out fun but soon I would feel insurmountable stress and panic. Decorating, gift buying, baking, heaped on top of the added winter tasks that eat into your day did not turn me into a friendly elf.
Mini Meltdowns
I recall one year psyching myself up to go shopping (the old fashioned way — in a brick and mortar store). I needed to find gifts for two people we felt compelled to buy for. We barely knew them so my confidence in finding suitable presents was low.
I pulled into the parking lot, took some deep calming breaths and stepped inside of a large big box store with a ton of selection; surely I could find something here? I took about 10 steps in when I experienced such a rush of overwhelm I couldn’t see through my tears. “Nope! Screw this,” I muttered under my breath, scurried back to my car, and drove straight home. At that point, I could have seriously wrapped a card for our friends and said “there ya go, that’s all you get!”. (And this was even before peri-menopause really hit!)
Then about fifteen years ago, Martin and I had a revelation…
The Revelation
Exactly what were we doing every holiday? Why were we doing it? Was it worth it? We took a really good hard look at how and why we celebrate Christmas, and I would invite anyone to try this exercise.
Some people may insist the celebration preparation has religious significance. What I’d counter to that is whether all of the excesses help a person to worship better? This is no judgment, this is simply an exercise in evaluating “what is this I’m really doing?”
I am not proposing that all Christmas traditions should cease and desist. I would like to suggest that we take a moment and think instead of diving in just “because”.
Maybe 2020 means taking this time to not attend your place of worship, to not gather with family or friends.
At the end of what has been a formidable year, staying at home and keeping our holidays simple is the kind of reflection I believe we need.
Ask Yourself These Questions
To make the holidays a time of anticipation instead of ever-mounting anxiety, this is how Martin and I have made it a more meaningful time. These are the questions we asked each other:
★ What does Christmastime mean to us? Not what tradition dictates or what we feel our friends and family are doing but what is its significance for us personally?
★ What are the special things we like to do that bring us joy and pleasure?
★ Is it imperative to buy presents for absolutely everyone we know?
★ Who says we can’t start from scratch and make up our own traditions?
Don’t worry, we haven’t gotten as far as creating our own “Festivus for the rest of us”, but sometimes we do jokingly call it that!
I would like to offer you some ideas and I hope this will help stimulate thought in finding your own meaning in celebrating this year.
FOOD
For us, special foods are absolutely 100% indicative of celebration and bring us joy. It’s a no-brainer for us that for us food makes celebration meaningful and memorable.
My husband is an outstanding gourmet cook and I love baking. We both bring our traditional comfort foods to the table and revel in each other's creations: tourtiere, French onion soup, boullion by Martin… Päpanät, shortbread, popovers by me. Indulgences to savor!
Christmas tip: Kill two birds with one stone. Homemade food — sweet or savory — usually makes for an appreciated gift. It is you pouring your love and energy into something special which to me has more significance than a gift card.
DECORATION
I love Christmas lights as much as the next guy but we haven’t always lived in a space conducive to decorating. Over the years, time crunches wouldn’t always allow for it either. Our solution? A pretty wreath on the door, stockings for the pets hung with care, and a string of tiny lights twinkling indoors. Done!
It’s a reminder of fun but it doesn’t make me wonder if everything is good enough or pretty enough. It is for us and that’s all that matters.
Christmas tip: Ask yourself: Is it absolutely necessary to drag out every single ornament you’ve ever owned? If it makes you happy well then go for it. But if you simply do it out of social pressure, I say feel free to give Santa the finger on this one.
GIFTING
This one is more challenging. We love giving presents, but when you add up the cost of presents and shipping… OUCH-ka-bibble. Is it worth the huge dent in your wallet? Will presents make your loved ones love you more?
Yes, there will be people in your life that you can’t wait to shop for. You know them well and you know what they love. Expressions of delight are inevitable when they unwrap their present — they are gracious that way and it makes you feel ooey-gooey good inside.
And then there are those you feel compelled to shop for because it is your impression that society says you must. It causes you so much anxiety you don’t understand why you are feeding this pain just to carry through with “tradition”. Why are we?
Christmas Tip: Do your loved ones have everything they need? If so, why aren’t we distributing our hard-earned cash to someone else who needs it more — locally or across the globe. There are so many in need everywhere you turn. Food banks are lower than usual, hurricanes are ripping through the Atlantic Basin, … you get the picture. (I’ve provided more Holiday Cheer Ideas* below for your consideration!)
MANAGING EXPECTATIONS
I confess that I fall prey to devising a set of expectations that I may not communicate well. It is a surefire method of setting oneself up for disappointment. In my busy little mind, I decide how something should be. Sometimes these expectations are even irrational. So if my loved ones don’t know what I expect or maybe they themselves have different expectations, what the heck are we setting ourselves up for? It's kooky!
I’ve come to realize that I need to do two very important things to manage my expectations:
★ Be verbal about my wishes and expectations.
Talk them through with your significant other and loved ones. Make sure you’re on the same page and come to an agreement with what is realistic and makes you happy.
★ Relax and go with the flow.
The rigidity of thought is a joy killer. When I expect things to follow one straight road I miss out on what could be happening down that wiggly little path I stumbled across. Embracing plan changes can often lead to something even better than you imagined. Plus you can relax your kiester; life will constantly throw wrenches into the cogs of your existence and going with the flow is sometimes the answer.
Christmas Tip: Christmas 2020 will be different, there is no way around that. Set up a plan or two to look forward to, but if plans don’t pan out or someone suggests an alternative, allow room in your mind for this new consideration.
So I Submit To You…
Cancel Christmas and start over.
This will not turn you into an Ebenezer Scrooge. Instead, find ways to make it meaningful to you in a very personal way.
You may wonder with all of this sage advice, have I experienced a stress-free Christmas? The answer is not always entirely, BUT… it has significantly reduced my holiday anxiety.
Hopes and Dreams for 2021
I want to take the holidays to evaluate my own year. There are things I’ve accomplished in 2020 that I am proud of. There have also been extraordinarily hard things I’ve had to face this year in addition to the pandemic.
I believe you’re in the same boat. Even though the vaccine is on its way, 2021 will not magically change unless we do. Let’s examine our expectations of Christmas and set achievable goals that make us happy without depleting all of our energies.
Then let’s apply the same philosophy to all of next year. What are our goals? How much time and energy are we willing to spend on things that truly matter and contribute towards significance and joy in our short time on this planet?
*Ideas For Holiday Cheer
As a bonus, I’ve included some ideas in which we can inject our own new Holiday traditions. Maybe just for this year or maybe we incorporate this into every year?
Homemade Cards of Care
Make a homemade card to show someone you care at Christmas or at any time, really. It doesn’t have to be perfect, in fact, I find the more ridiculous or bizarre the card is, the more fun it is to make and give. The confused and surprised expression you get is worth every minute spent making it. I’ll bet you have no clue what baby Yoda is about in this one!
Advent Calendar of Kindness
Make your own FEEL GOOD/DO GOOD advent calendar, or if you need some inspiration, do a Google search for a free printable one. The random acts of kindness are something you can do on your own or together with your family. This focuses your thoughts on what others may be in need of this Christmas instead of your own worries.
One of my favorites is the Reverse Advent Calendar that suggests just one item each day to put into a box that you will donate to your local food bank.
Support Local Businesses
Arlene Dickenson, a celebrated Canadian entrepreneur, is leading the charge with her brilliant call on how to support local businesses here.
Support Local Charities
People all over the world are pulling their resources together to help others right in their own community, like my friends’ Sugarplum Fairy Pyjama Project in Winnipeg.