How to Buy Christmas Presents for Older Folks who say “Oh, I don’t need anything, dear.”

Here’s a special technique I recommend for finding the perfect gift

I remember as a child sitting beside my brother at the top of the stairs on Christmas morning. Mom stood watch at the bottom like a sentry while dad diddled around the tree getting everything “just right.” The smell of bacon and coffee wafted from the kitchen but we didn’t care about that. We strained against the very laws of physics to bend light around the corner and see what Santa had brought. When mom finally jingled her bells, we bounded down in a single leap and swooped into the dazzling tradition.

Christmas is a magical time of the year. Wonderful food, family gatherings, crackling paper, and the children’s surprise and delight.

But age takes its toll on some of us. I don’t know what it is, perhaps growing older leads to laziness or apathy, but as the big date approaches, too often we hear the phrase from the older generation:

“Oh, I don’t need anything, dear.”

You know they’re lying, right?

So, how does anyone shop for them? You can’t take them at their word, particularly if they’re related — you’d be ostracized forever. And you can’t get them something stupid like a peppermint-scented candle or an ashtray.

You need a better way to find them the perfect gift, to remind them of the joy they’ve forgotten. A gift to take them back to their childhood and the unbridled glee of the season.

Here’s the challenge

What they’re saying is true: They honestly don’t need anything.

As we get older, we need fewer things, and our desires are more discriminating. If I (as a representative of old people) need a new impact drill for my shop, I’m not letting some pimple-faced nephew-in-law buy the cheapest one he can find on eBay. I’m getting the one I want, dammit!

We’re impatient too. If I’m going skiing this weekend and I want some new gloves, I’m not waiting for six weeks to open the “surprise” gift that I told someone to buy, I’m just going to go ahead and get them now so I can use them now. That’s logical, old people’s logic.

They buy what they want as soon as they want it. Then, they don’t need anything else until they think of it. And then they buy that thing... It’s an impenetrable circle.

Buying whatever we need whenever we need it doesn’t work well when people want to buy us birthday and Christmas gifts. So you’ll have to work at this, but maybe not as hard as you think…

The Christmas gift decision tree

There are more gift ideas in this world than Santa has cookies and you can wrack your brain while wandering through stores in the mall for weeks, pondering what to get for people who want nothing. A Bluetooth-enabled razor? A barbeque apron that says “My Wife Loves My Meat”, chocolate-covered crickets? Nah.

There’s a better approach. Filter your way to brilliant gift ideas by using a decision tree (it can have ornaments and lights if you like). A decision tree is a logical set of questions that uncover unique insights that narrow your options to a perfect few. Choosing from a few good ideas is much easier than untangling the universe of idiotic options.

You can do this easily by taking a few minutes to think about who you’re shopping for. Build a profile or a persona of that person in your mind. From there you’ll brainstorm ideas that make sense, tossing out the ridiculous ones. When you filter ideas enough, all you have left are the gems that matter most to them.

And that, my friend, is your secret to senior-shopping success.

Start by answering some questions about them:

1. How is their health? This will help define their physical limits. Water skis might be good for one person, while a novel would be best for another. Take physical capabilities into account, such as if they’re hard of hearing, wheelchair-bound, or visually impaired.

2. What are their habits and hobbies? Do they read, walk, travel? Do they volunteer or babysit? Are they drinkers of coffee, tea, scotch? Do they needlepoint, build models, or collect hubcaps?

3. How do they fare financially? They might be silently in need of some of life’s basics, such as a sweater or a paid-off overdue electric bill. Others might appreciate gold-plated cupholders for their new yacht.

4. What do they love and own? Their car might need a tank of gas or a window-mounted phone cradle. Their dog might look good in a sweater (unlikely) or enjoy a trip to the groomer.

5. What past interests and hobbies might they want to do again? If they used to be good at bowling or karate, you might take them to a bowling alley or a dark alley.

6. Do they live alone? Homes need maintenance and bushes need trimming. They might be lonely, and simply value a visit with some good conversation.

7. Ask others. Friends and close relatives may have some unique insight into their lives, a recent change or profound discovery could lead to that one unique gift you’re looking for.

The decision tree monolog will go something like this: Auntie Edith isn’t so active anymore, so I won’t get anything too physical for her. She has arthritis so nothing that requires dexterity. She used to love her wine but had a health scare and no longer imbibes. Her Pomeranian passed recently so I’ll stay away from anything pet-related. I’ll avoid items with a silicon chip, she’s a technophobe. She has a decent pension but Edith lives alone in a small apartment and doesn’t have a lot of room to store things. In fact, her brother told me she has a ton of stuff in a storage unit she wants to get rid of. Aha…

I’ll get her a book (not a digital one) by Marie Kondo the decluttering guru, and a homemade gift card for two Saturdays of loading things in my truck and taking them to charities and the recycler. I’ll include lunch in the deal so we can relax and chat together. Perfect.

Aunt Edith is getting a unique gift that will stand out from the rest. It might even help restore her faith in the spirit of Christmas.

Now your turn. Give it a try.

A list of ideas for senior gifts

No Christmas gift article could possibly list all the great ideas that exist. So, here’s a few humble ideas that might help trigger your imagination while you’re talking through your decision trees.

Quick tips:

• Most of us on the backside of 60 aren’t looking for large items, so keep them small and lightweight.
• A lot of seniors are technologically challenged, so tread carefully with anything that requires phone or computer configurations and upgrades.
• We’re tired of the same knickknacks that everybody else has so if you’re going there, be sure it’s unique, relevant, and desirable.
• We don’t talk about our finances, but if you get a clue that we’re running short, gift cards and offers of free labor are terrific.

Gifts that don’t take up much space: Flowers, Olive oil, wine, seasonings, gift cards, books

Personal gifts: Weekly visits, lunch dates, donations to a favorite charity, tickets to an event

Financial gifts: Gift cards, bus passes, cash, pay off bills, prepaid food deliveries, stamps

Unique ideas: Buy them a masterclass subscription, a bed & breakfast getaway, subscription to a TV series

Gifts of time: Handyman services, cleaning, gardening, trips to the store

Small useful items: Kitchen utensils, ornaments, a bathrobe, jewelry, games

We’re all kids inside

Those of us who are “of a certain age” may be grumpy sometimes and hard to shop for, but don’t let that stop you. Inside we still have the spark of childhood. We don’t expect it, but when we get a special gift that touches our heart we feel the wonder and joy of Christmas again. Thank you.

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