Summary

The article provides strategies for building genuine self-confidence through acceptance, recognition of achievements, stepping out of comfort zones, setting achievable goals, and practicing self-care.

Abstract

The article titled "How to build real self-confidence - slowly" emphasizes that self-confidence is an internal state of valuing oneself, which is independent of external circumstances or the opinions of others. It acknowledges the prevalence of low self-esteem in society, often exacerbated by social media and advertising. The author suggests that by actively accepting flaws and working on them, regularly reminding oneself of personal accomplishments, embracing discomfort through new challenges, setting incremental goals, and prioritizing self-care, individuals can cultivate a deeper sense of self-worth and confidence. These practices are presented as a means to combat the negative effects of low self-esteem and promote a healthier self-image.

Opinions

The author believes that accepting one's flaws is the first step towards building self-confidence, advocating for immediate action rather than waiting for the perfect moment.
There is an opinion that society's standards should not dictate what constitutes an achievement; personal milestones, no matter how small, are significant and should be celebrated.
The article suggests that consistent effort in personal development is more important than immediate results, and that acceptance of things beyond one's control is crucial for progress.
It is posited that the mind's tolerance for discomfort can be increased by regularly engaging in activities outside one's comfort zone, leading to personal growth.
The author shares a personal anecdote to illustrate the effectiveness of setting small, achievable goals as a way to build confidence for tackling larger challenges.
The article conveys the importance of self-care, stating that it is essential for mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being, and contributes to an improved sense of self-worth.

How to build real self-confidence - slowly

Active steps you can take to feel more confident internally

Image by **Miguel Bruna** **on Unsplash**

Some people just generally seem to be at ease with themselves, no matter what happens on the outside. Imagine Tyler Durden from Fight Club standing calmly and with full composure, as two people throw punches at each other out of frustration.

Okay, that’s too unrealistic, but you get the point.

Self-confidence is more about valuing yourself and feeling worthy, regardless of any imperfections that you think you have or what others may believe about you than being a badass on the outside.

It is estimated that 85% of people suffer from low self-esteem. Thanks to manipulative advertising and social media, people have a hard time being comfortable in their skin.

But one can still change how they feel about themselves from the inside. But that takes real work, mental and sometimes physical. It may not be easy but with a bit of acceptance, compassion, and a change of attitude, one can overcome low self-esteem and be more confident internally.

1) Accept your flaws and start working on them

The first step in overcoming any obstacle is to accept them. It can be hard, it hurts our ego, but hiding or pushing something away just because confrontation feels uneasy only makes it worse.

Recognize them, not from a place of judgment but acceptance. Keep in mind that every human being no matter how perfect they seem on the outside has their own flaws.

Don’t wait for the perfect moment to take action towards working on your flaws. Do whatever you can today. Momentum will take you forward.

It’s important to not judge yourself by the results but by how much effort you’re putting in regularly. Results will come naturally.

And for the things you can’t change, accept them and make peace with them so you can move forward.

When you start working on yourself actively, your self-worth and how you view yourself rises.

2) Remind yourself of your accomplishments

Our mind is biased to focus on the negatives. Sometimes we’ve to manually remind ourselves of all the good things that we’ve done. List down the things you’re proud of. On a paper, notepad, or any other app. It doesn’t even have to be something big or even what an achievement is by society’s standards.

It can be something like how you stood up for yourself against a bully or even how you won that game of snooker against your friends.

The more personal, the better. Do this regularly to think more positively about yourself.

3) Do uncomfortable things

Do something that is outside of your comfort zone every day, however small it may seem.

Initiate a conversation with someone you’ve been wanting to talk to, take cold showers, or start a new exercise routine that pushes your body out of comfort. Start small and remain consistent. Focus on effort and not the result. If you do that there’s no losing.

The aim is to increase your tolerance for discomfort. There’s no growing as an individual if you don’t get out of your comfort zone. Once you gradually start embracing discomfort, your mind adapts and the challenging stuff seems more doable.

4) Aim small and keep raising the bar

Our mind works on evidence. Give it enough evidence that it can achieve what it sets out for and it’ll be ready to take on bigger challenges without any fear.

Let me give you my example — once I’d decided to eat only home-cooked healthy food for 7 days. This was challenging because my cooking skills aren’t the best. The temptation to just order tasty food online was always there but I kept at it. At the end of the seven days I had not only improved my cooking skills but what was even better was that now I knew now I can remain consistent and build better habits.

The next target was to hit the gym every day for the whole month. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to do it given how inconsistent I was. But with some perseverance and the added morale from my previous win, I was able to accomplish what I set out to do.

Prior wins act as stepping stones for the next ones to take place.

5) Prioritise self-care

It’s easy to neglect ourselves in our busy lives. Sleeping late, exhausting ourselves following our daily routines, or constantly feeling bad about ourselves scrolling through social media. Slowly this becomes the norm and our self-worth takes a hit.

You have to actively take time out to do the things that make you feel good about yourself. Exercise, meditate, journal, or make your own self-care routine. Anything that makes you feel more positive.

Set aside a few hours a week to only do the things that enhance you mentally, physically, emotionally, or spiritually.

Doing anything positive for your mind, body, and soul will uplift you from the inside and you’ll naturally feel more confident as a result.

Final word:

There may be a variety of reasons why one may feel bad about themselves and under-confident. Bad childhood, bullying, or sometimes our critical inner voice. But the good thing is like any other skill confidence can be built and enhanced too. All one needs is a bit of self-discipline and some courage.