How to Build Great Lasting Relationships

Summary

The article discusses the importance of embracing differences in relationships to foster long-lasting connections, emphasizing self-awareness, mutual respect, and the journey of understanding each other.

Abstract

The author of the article, presumably Maria De La Rosa, reflects on the secret to maintaining a fulfilling and enduring relationship, drawing from personal experience. She emphasizes that men and women are inherently different, and these differences should be appreciated rather than seen as sources of conflict. The key to a happy relationship lies in accepting one's partner without expectations, respecting each other's individuality, and communicating clearly. The article suggests that understanding and embracing these differences can lead to a more harmonious and rewarding partnership. It also touches on the misconception of "compatibility" and the importance of realistic expectations, arguing that an ideal marriage is not a fantasy but a reality that can be achieved through effort and learning to live together in love.

Opinions

The author believes that seeking an ideal partner who aligns perfectly with one's own preferences and viewpoints is unrealistic, as everyone is unique.
She posits that the concept of equality has been misconstrued, asserting that while men and women have equal rights, they will always have inherent differences that should be respected.
The article suggests that many relationship problems stem from the expectation that one's partner will eventually conform to one's own way of thinking, rather than appreciating their distinct perspectives.
The author has found that genuinely getting to know her husband without preconceived expectations has greatly improved their relationship and family dynamics.
Self-awareness and clear communication are highlighted as essential components of a healthy relationship, with the author admitting her past mistakes in expecting her husband to read her mind.
The article promotes the idea that marriage is a learning process and a "school of love," where couples must actively work to understand and grow with each other.
It is mentioned that the idea of an "ideal" marriage is not at odds with reality; instead, it requires moving beyond adolescent, often selfish, notions of love and embracing the effort required to build a real and lasting bond.

How to Build Great Lasting Relationships

Even if so far you have not been doing so well

If you have been in a relationship with the opposite sex for any length of time, you know that we are very different. We have different viewpoints, tastes, ways of looking at and solving problems, etc. I have been married to the same man for many years. Young people ask us, how is it possible? Don’t you get bored with each other? NO, never — why? You ask — because we are very different and we still discover new aspects of each other.

I want to talk about how to deal with these differences. Everyone has to deal with them. And how we approach dealing with our differences will make the difference between living a happy life together or living in misery and, eventually, separate.

I have two sons and two daughters, and they have one thing in common: They think that it is possible to find the ideal partner who likes what they like, think alike, process events the same way, and so on. They don’t realize that such a person does not exist. — Everyone is unique.

The idea of Equality has been misunderstood and misinterpreted. I am all for equal rights, but I have learned that we will always be different as men and women, although we have equal rights. I have to allow my partner to be himself and help in the process. And he will do the same for me. Once we get on this path, we will find ourselves on a fascinating lifelong journey. We will appreciate our differences instead of letting them become a source of contention, frustration.

Many books have been written about the difference between Man and Woman. Most of them provide useful insights. I read some of them, but things did not change between my husband and me until I had the epiphany that we were still hoping and waiting for the other to adjust to our way of thinking. We were not even aware of it.

Once I realized that I decided, I would genuinely get to know my husband without any expectations. This decision changed how and what kind of questions I asked. Naturally, I became more respectful and patient. It became easy to accept his different points of view in just about everything. Now, this does not mean I have to change mine. It just is essential to allow for other points of view. This change in my attitude has helped our relationship and improved our relationship with our kids.

At the same time — I think this is very important — I accepted and respected my own — I expected and expressed my right, my value as an individual. I discovered in the process how many times I expected my husband to “understand me” when I wanted him to read my mind! I was too impatient to make the proper request. To express clearly, what I was thinking. There are so many small things throughout the day that can nourish our relationship or let it deteriorate.

Here are the key points to apply:

Accept the reality as it is and change expectations accordingly.

Allow and help our partner to be who they are.

Become aware of our selves;

Respect and appreciate who we are, and our partner will respect and cherish us as well.

Rick Warren of Saddleback Church said, “Compatibility” does not exist. We are all very different. There is one video you can find on YouTube called “conflict resolution.” It has some great pieces of advice.

I have thought about this topic for a long time and asked myself — there must be a solution. I have observed from my parents that they never discussed anything. They did not know how to do that. I have seen this dilemma with my friends; I see it now with our children.

It is never too late to start on the path of intentionally cultivating happy relationships. Usually, when people date and get to know one another, they will only discover a tiny part about the other person. The rest will be discovered throughout these couples’ lives. Understanding this point will be the key to a great future together. Realistic expectations — realistic does not mean lower — it just means — well-accept reality as it is. It will take an effort to get to know the other person, but it will be immensely rewarding and exciting.

Some people say: “We love each other, but we can’t live together.” Are we heading towards that kind of marriage where we keep dating one another and otherwise go our separate ways? It would be more comfortable in some respects. But this is not what marriage is all about. Most married couples will have children together. Therefore we have no choice but to learn to live together in harmony. Rev. Moon spoke of the “The Family is the School of Love” in several of his speeches.

We must learn what an IDEAL marriage in REALTY entails. When we think of IDEAL and REALTY, we usually conclude that these are opposites. But this is not so. We need to go past our adolescent vision of what OUR IDEAL is, which is often based on an immature and selfish concept of what great relationships are.

Maria De La Rosa