Summary

The article provides guidance on rebuilding confidence after experiencing failure, emphasizing learning, small steps, reframing failure, tracking progress, and sharing experiences.

Abstract

The article "How to Build Confidence After You’ve Failed" discusses the importance of responding positively to failure as a stepping stone to success. It suggests that reflecting on and learning from rejection can lead to unexpected success, as demonstrated by the author's own experience with a Medium article. The piece advises taking small, consistent steps forward after setbacks, rather than making drastic changes or giving up. It also encourages re-framing failure as a growth opportunity by creating a "Failure Resume" to become comfortable with past mistakes. Tracking small victories is recommended to acknowledge progress, and being open about failures is presented as a way to connect with others and normalize the ups and downs of any journey.

Opinions

The author believes that failure is a common human experience and a precursor to success.
They argue that failure should be seen as an opportunity to refine skills and abilities.
The author suggests that not all failures are due to personal shortcomings; sometimes, the fit isn't right (e.g., writing for a particular publication).
Taking small steps after failure is seen as a balanced approach to making progress and regaining confidence.
The concept of a "Failure Resume" is introduced as a tool to re-frame failure and embrace it as a part of personal growth.
The author emphasizes the importance of tracking small wins to maintain perspective on personal progress.
They advocate for vulnerability and sharing one's failures as a means to inspire others and foster a sense of community.

How to Build Confidence After You’ve Failed

It’s easier than you might think

How you choose to respond to failure will either make you or break you. This might sound dramatic, but it’s certainly true. As humans, failure is actually something that we all have in common. In fact, the more successful someone is, the more likely it is that they’ve equally experienced a great deal of failure.

When we’re in the aftermath of a huge disappointment or failure, it’s easy to feel alone, like we’re the ONLY ones rejected from a big Medium publication, or not selected for curation.

A few months ago I was feeling particularly down about how I was doing on Medium. I’d received yet another rejection from a publication that I’d previously written for and felt like giving up. Looking back, I can see that I was so close to giving up for good. However, I didn’t….and while that article was rejected, I published it anyway, and something crazy happened. It was curated and is the MOST popular post I’ve ever written on Medium. You can check it out here if you’re interested:

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medium.com

Here Are 5 Pieces of Advice for Building Confidence After a Failure:

1. Reflect and See What You Can Learn

While failure is never fun, it’s a great opportunity for us to refine our skills or abilities. After my piece was rejected, I re-read it and did realize something important, the article just wasn’t an ideal fit for that particular publication.

This is advice that we can apply in other areas of life as well. For example, let’s say that you’ve started a business and have created a course, e-book, or service. Not every person that happens to find your website will become a customer of yours because not every person in the world is your ideal client or customer.

Instead of being disappointed or discouraged, consider how you can refine your product, message, etc. Then, narrow down and focus on a specific customer, knowing that you won’t be the ideal fit for everyone.

2. Take Small Steps Forward

When we fail, it’s common to want to check out entirely or do something drastic. I know I’ve reacted in both of these ways in the past.

Currently, I prefer to be somewhere in the middle, making small and steady progress. For example, earlier I shared my Medium example of getting rejected from a publication. Rather than quitting Medium entirely, a small step forward might be to research other publications that would be a better fit for my writing.

Or, another idea could be to find a Medium editor and ask for feedback on an article. By taking these small steps you’re making regular progress and in the process are able to build up some confidence.

3. Re-Frame Failure

When I was working on my Master’s in Entrepreneurship, one of our assignments was to create a “Failure Resume.” At the time, this was a new concept for me.

Essentially, a failure resume is a resume of your past failures or things that you wish you had done differently. At first, this can feel painful to consider, however, the goal is to start getting comfortable with failing and having lots of experiences.

Rather than thinking of failure as something to be avoided, consider failures as opportunities for growth. As long as you are learning along the way, failure is actually an incredibly helpful piece of gaining life experience.

The less fear you have around the notion of failing, the more willing you will be to keep going and to try new things.

4. Track Small Wins

A few days ago I was feeling discouraged about my Medium earnings for the month and found myself looking back at my journal from earlier this year. When I started 2020 I had hardly made any money on Medium and had written down that I REALLY wanted to make $50 in a single month.

When I saw that goal, I started to tear up, realizing that in the previous month I’d earned almost $200. That might not seem like anything special to some of you, but it certainly far exceeds that initial goal of $50 that I had set.

Realize that the further you get along your path, the more difficult it becomes to remember where you started.

Tracking the little wins is so important to remind us of our daily progress. If you start tracking today, in 6 months or a year, you’ll be amazed by how far you’ve come.

5. Be Open and Share Your Failures

Being vulnerable is a superpower. The more we’re willing to share our ups and downs, the more others are excited to come along with us.

I took Tom Kuegler Medium course and learned SO much. However, the thing that inspired me most, was probably not intentional on his part. You see, he recently added an extra video where he was giving tips on finding topic ideas. In the video, he was showing his own profile and I realized that even someone as “Medium famous” as Tom does not get curated 100% of the time, or write a viral post all the time.

Now, you are probably thinking, “of course.” But for me, this was exactly what I needed to see at this moment. Having up and downs are just part of the process for each and every one of us.

Don’t be afraid to share your low moments, they simply make you human.

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