How to Build a Community

What works in person also works online

Spokane is a funny town. It’s a mid-sized city split into disparate communities, cobbled together in a sweet valley. The largest city between Seattle and Minneapolis, blessed with gorgeous weather: just dry enough to be a lot like Denver, and wet enough to deliver deciduous trees in fall and a little mold on the roofs. Just about perfect.

The city fathers here have for years looked with spiteful envy to their sister Seattle to the West, and balefully compared Spokane to the burgeoning tech giants on the other side of the Cascade Curtain. The area is influenced heavily by both Mormon and Catholic leanings, and it’s one of the whiter cities in America, at 85% of the population. Pretty conservative, particularly the moment you leave the rather violet city limits and wander into the pretty, but poor countrysides. Powerful women have a hard time here. Solo powerful women can have an awful time here. I can attest.

I moved to Spokane with my then-husband back in 1997. We had bought land in nearby Sandpoint, ID. I struggled to find work, as many outsiders do. I sent out 300 resumes, got one job interview. No job. With terrible swiftness, my marriage disintegrated and I filed for bankruptcy. By 1998, my car repossessed, my marriage over, my health in shambles, I found myself a stranger in a strange land, and ostracized by an insular community that isn’t always welcoming to out-sized personalities.

There’s an old saying about how if you can’t beat down city hall, build your own. Precisely what I did.

Spokane was where I learned how to build a community inside a community which was less than friendly.

The lessons I learned there have applied everywhere else, including here on Medium..

The first thing I did was attend a number of local meetings. As with any community there are plenty, ranging from the Chamber of Commerce to all kinds of specialty interest organizations like the National Association of Women Business Owners. I sampled all of them. I had plenty of time on my hands.

At each meeting, invariably I met a woman, or several women, who caught my interest. These were people at the tops of their games from every kind of background.

I started introducing them.

What started as a bit of a lark took off. A rather extraordinary group of women, hand-picked for diversity (Black, American Indian, Jewish, Hispanic, White, old, young, varied cultures) met regularly, the third Thursday of each month for the better part of three years.

We all had some reason or other to feel a little isolated, so the group, which grew to some sixty women, provided not only a safe place but also an extraordinary support system to lift us up.

About fifteen to sixteen women would show up at the monthly meeting, and the attendance varied based on who was in town. We had several dedicated regulars. I rather tightly managed participation: for the simple reason of quality control. I wanted women who played at the highest possible level.

Here were my criteria:

1. Top of your game, whether a CEO, Vice President, entrepreneur, writer, dancer, didn’t matter.
2. Very positive about life: both giver and receiver
3. Focused on what’s possible
4. Eager to make a difference.

Over time we got a reputation. At first the city fathers assumed it was a “man-bashing” group. Oh, what little minds. We never spoke of men at all, in fact, unless there was a male partner, client or buyer. We spent our time focusing on our businesses. Eventually we started meeting every so often on a Friday night at one member’s mother’s home where we could relax and get personal. Maybe some women talked about men. I don’t recall ever hearing those conversations.

We did finally meet with the Chamber president who was astounded to learn that our concerns were the same as his: jobs, economic opportunity, work for competent trailing spouses, adequate salaries. Oh. So you mean that uber-powerful women didn’t sit around and nit-pick about men?

What a shock.

As someone with a strong training background I developed a format to make the most of our 90 minutes together.

We would gather around a large round conference table at an easily-accessible local restaurant. If there were someone new, I’d introduce her credentials along with something that most would have never guessed about her. That was invariably a superb icebreaker. Then we went around the table, and each had to present three things:

1. What are you good at (very specific, can’t say “I’m a people person”) what is the geography you own? Your unique gifts?
2. What’s something you can celebrate today? (a recent business deal, a sale, winning an election, etc)
3. What do you need help with today? You HAD to ask for help with a problem, a person, a business challenge or issue.

The last piece was particularly important because when one of the women threw a gauntlet down on the table asking for help, the rest of the group would weigh in, almost competing to offer the best ideas.

The very diversity of those present ensured a lively discussion and many excellent solutions. Without even realizing it, these women were showing off their best skills, ideas and talents. Often people would meet in the parking lot after our lunch and talk for hours. Business relationships and friendships were formed and secured during those meetings, and last still today.

These women eventually gathered around me and helped me pull myself up by the economic bootstraps. What I learned there was lasting. The group was featured in the book Networking Magic, by Jill Lublin.

I carry the same attitudes and behaviors about community building today. I love introducing powerful people, and forming connections where folks benefit. They don’t have to be women, they only need to share the same value sets around collaboration, cooperation and having the greater good in mind. This has served me in my business life and personal life, and virtually guarantees that I have amazing people all around me.

You can do much the same on Medium. You can dip your toes into different publications, read across a vast variety of offerings. Invariably you are likely to find people whose material you admire. Comment. If a conversation ensues, follow it further. I’ve written elsewhere about how I’ve been able to create some extraordinary connections because I follow up on and research people who write really good comments on my posts. It has always, always paid off.

Then, see if connecting any of those people makes sense. There is nothing like having a go-between facilitate a connection. Gabriela Rosales has done this for me, and others have as well. The point is to forever be on the lookout for how people can benefit from connecting.

You and I lead with our intentions. If we have the intention to add value, people will flock to us and the return on our time investment can be awesome.