How To Break Down The Invisible Barriers That Are Holding You Back From Being Your Best Self

Hi, I’m Keani, and I’m kind of addicted to self-reflection. And — I love it/hate it.

It means I’m going to question everything that I do, say, think, feel, touch, or sense. I’m going to rewire things in SO many different ways just to make sure I can confidently say, “I don’t think there was any better way I could have thought of, that wouldn’t intentionally cause upset.” Or sometimes, we can just call it, analysis paralysis.

Of course, I get triggered or *finger quotes in the air* haven’t learned a life-lesson yet, therefore, don’t rewire things as well as I can because, I’m human. Of course I make mistakes repeatedly or even purposely rebel because, I don’t WANT to be the bigger person AGAIN!

Completely normal.

The best self-reflective question that I’ve learned to use for this so far is:

Am I using my x-trait in a skillful or unskillful way?

In my case, did I use my compassion in a skillful or unskillful way? Did I forget to put myself in their shoes to fully understand and listen without letting my own bias thoughts interrupt theirs? Did I forget my self-compassion when I didn’t stand up for myself or forgive myself for the wrong I did??

[Recognition: Thank you, Laurie Gardner, incredible intuitive leader & life strategy expert, author, speaker and coach for this gem of a question and countless others in her invaluable Master Classes, Trust Your Gut.]

I grew up, like many others, misunderstanding how to truly use my voice and have my own opinion. With confrontation, I coped by staying passive, saying nothing, playing nice and not making waves. So, essentially, do the exact opposite of make waves; create calm.

Creating calm doesn’t mean I feel calm. I’ve become really good at looking calm, but in actuality, sometimes not feeling okay at all.

I’ve also had to re-evaluate times in my life when I thought I was okay, but realized after more reflection, that I wasn’t.

I’m realizing more now that I can actually say, “It’s not okay,” or “That’s not okay with me,” or “I’m not okay,” or simply, “No.” AND — KNOW, that THAT’S OKAY!!!

When you create waves, you allow challenge and enable movement and flow.

Where you self-prioritize, you create healthy boundaries as well as space and capacity to offer yourself and the world the maximum potential benefit of your natural gifts.

Where there are blocks or disharmony, breathing and moving are the answers.

[Recognition: Thank you, Artie Vipperla, Serving the Divine Sophia, Energy Healer, Spiritual Guide, Originator: Harmonize All of You with All for the key to unlock my ultimate potential of Being my own version of Mama Kosmos.]

More self-care is the answer. More self-prioritization. More play. More learning. More compassion. More listening. More forgiving. More kindness. More accepting. More welcoming. More be-ing.

Finally — more doing. But, do… intentionally and intuitively. As Bozoma Saint John, CMO of Netflix and inspiringly embodied woman herself, shares in this soul-sister speaking of a Ted Talk that my partner and I watched last night,

“Data is the pill to calm our insecurities over what we intuitively know.”

Currently, I work at Meta (formally, Facebook). This company is teaching me MANY things. One of the more obvious things is how to be more data-driven in my decision-making. (Please spare me of any negative sentiments and opinions for the sake of my, harmless to you, reflections and career choices in my life in the comments sections, thanks.)

Admittedly, it’s more of a challenge for me. I am naturally an empathic “go with the flow” type of person who is working through her own imposter syndrome every day since I joined at the beginning of the global pandemic. Not only have I felt the most supported by the company as an FTE and best manager I’ve ever had, Sarah Hallahan, ex-LinkedIn/Workday/NextRoll/Airbnb-er (basically, boss b). But last night, Bozoma, as a powerfully intuitive black woman leader in tech, gave me even more confidence in what I ultimately, already knew, but sometimes forget:

I have full permission to be me anywhere, no matter how much I may feel being fully me, means I don’t belong — I do.

So, in conclusion, this company, these people listed above and SO many others I’m not mentioning in this post (you know who you are especially, my parents Alicia Hin and Christopher Hin and all five of my siblings), have collectively pushed me to the peak of this new horizon on which I’m standing as tall as I can now, ready to face the next valley ahead.

And the final push simply came down to a shift in mindset.

I’m no where near my maximum potential. I’m never going to be perfect. And I’ve got soooo many things I say I want to do but haven’t, YET!

I’m just barely getting life started at 28 years old. But I feel I’ve rightfully earned my stripes from 27’s Saturn Return, lol — phew!!!

So I’m sharing how proud I am, how excited I am, and how grateful I am. This is also a reminder to not just anyone reading this, but mostly to myself:

ALL of this is temporary: the good, the bad and all the in-between. Continue working to be the best you can be in anything you decide to do. Even when you truly think you do not have a choice, you always do. This kind of love takes conscious practice. You’re not going to be great at it right away. Flex those muscles, create new brain-cell pathways and strengthen your foundation.

Then just continue failing better. I love you.