Book Excerpt

How to Brag Better During Salary Negotiations

The most powerful thing you can do in a salary negotiation is to stick to facts and lean away from emotion

Everyone is somewhat uncomfortable talking about money. Our culture doesn’t encourage it, and yet makes it the ultimate form of success. A survey by Wells Fargo found that Americans are more uncomfortable talking about personal finances than about politics, religion, and even death. The survey also found a gender difference. “Half of women (50 percent) find it difficult talking with others about personal finances, versus 38 percent of men.” Another poll found that younger Americans are starting to change the etiquette around money conversations, and that they “are more open about discussing credit scores and income levels in a dinner party setting than any other generation.” The bottom line is that we all need to be talking about money more.

When people are nervous about salary negotiations, I also talk to them about who is in control of the money that they want. It’s a way of reframing this situation and conversation. This is to say that while you’re uncomfortable, your boss is likely uncomfortable, too. A bit of context when you’re asking for that money: The request has to get to the person in charge of the money and that is likely not the person you’re talking to directly. The request will have to be cleared at several different levels. It helps to know that the person on the other side of the table also doesn’t really enjoy having this conversation. Expressing empathy for the situation — “I know neither of us really wants to be having this conversation” — can help alleviate tension and work in your favor.

Basic salary negotiations tell you to ask others what they make and do market research. Asking friends and colleagues if they are open to discussing salaries is great. But when it comes to Bragging Better, the focus should be on laying out your work and arguing for better compensation, regardless of what others are being paid. Yes, your ask should be based on market research, but your ask will also be unique to the value you bring to the table. As I’ve said, I believe that Bragging Better requires that we help other people rise, but it’s difficult to do that if we can’t even help ourselves. This is especially difficult for women and people of color. Inequality around money is a whole other book, but it needs to be acknowledged.

You are almost never looking at the money a business brings in unless you’re running it. I do run my own business, so I’m equipped to talk about the numbers while pitching my business and my services all day. This is one reason why salary negotiations are difficult, not to mention the fact that you’re not talking about money very often in your job, and not as it relates to your company as a whole. Unless you’re in finance or you’re in a position to be working with a company’s finances, which is a small population, it’s going to be hard to talk about money and to negotiate because you don’t do it often. Again, you shouldn’t just “know” how to do these things, you don’t have good models, everyone is hush-hush about money because it’s a personal and taboo topic, but it’s one that needs to be brought into the open. Negotiation takes a lot of practice.

In a negotiation, you are also allowed to take a step back, which a lot of people don’t realize. You are allowed to think about an offer and to take your time in answering. There is a tremendous amount of power in silence or thought, and sometimes that can be used to your advantage by making someone else uncomfortable. Letting something hang in the air, or sleeping on it overnight, is fine. You don’t have to answer right away, even if the reason is you just don’t want to.

A few examples of things you can say:

• “I need to think about it and I’ll get back to you.”
• “I’m going to sleep on it and follow up with you tomorrow.”
• “Can we pause this, retreat, and come back to it next week?”
• “I’m thinking this over. Can we schedule a time to follow up?”

When you enter your negotiation, be prepared to use numbers. If you can share a brag like, “I brought in X amount of new sales, so I am actively looking out for the company’s interests and making money for the brand,” you’ll be making a powerful statement in a negotiation. It’s one thing to do your market research, but it’s another to show what you’re actually bringing to the table in dollars. Your boss will be considering you as a whole package — how well you work with others, how you interact with clients, your decorum and overall workplace behavior. But the most important factor is often the amount of money flowing in as a direct result of your presence, so don’t be afraid to throw out numbers. Numbers are hard to argue with. If you can show that you’re making them more money than they’re paying you for, they have an excellent reason to pay you more.

Something I tell lots of people: Salary negotiations are often not personal — they are business decisions. That’s what I remind people of when they get nervous about the negotiation. The most powerful thing you can do in a salary negotiation is to stick to facts and lean away from emotion. The person on the other side of the table is making a business decision. It’s not quite as ruthless as I’d like to sound, but it’s true. They are trying to get the best talent for the least amount of money. Why would they want to overpay? Why would they not try to get a deal?

I was negotiating pay with someone I wanted to work with who was above my budget for the project. She framed it in a way that made me see that I would lose money if I didn’t hire her. She showed me all the ways in which she could help me expand my writing and get me more paid speaking gigs. I realized that I literally couldn’t afford to lose her. Obviously, you can guess that I hired her.

But perhaps even more important than what you say is the confidence with which you make your ask. Take a cue from top executive and TEDWomen cofounder Pat Mitchell who, after recalling a salary negotiation gone bad, noted: To “be prepared to present yourself for a raise or promotion, or a seat on a board, or whatever it is,” your stance has to be “‘I am qualified to make this ask. I am right.’”

Excerpted from Brag Better: Master the Art of Fearless Self-Promotion by Meredith Fineman, in agreement with Portfolio, an imprint of Penguin Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. Copyright © Meredith Fineman, 2020.