WELL-BEING HACKS
How to Boost the ‘Cuddle Hormone’ When You’re Alone
Essential self-care in times of increasing loneliness
Loneliness is on the rise and has become a real danger to our health and well-being. Last year, NPR published an article titled “America has a loneliness epidemic” and the UK government recently appointed a Minister for Loneliness.
“If you feel lonely, you’re actually in good company”, CNN writes, citing a new survey that revealed that nearly 1 in 4 adults across the world feel lonely. The situation looks particularly bleak in the US:
- 52% of Americans feel lonely. 47% report their relationships with others aren’t meaningful.
- Only 59% of Americans have a best friend, 12% don’t have any close friends.
- 57% of Americans eat all meals alone
- 58% of Americans feel like no one knows them well
Lonliness can have serious health impacts, including an increased risk for heart disease and stroke, diabetes, depression, anxiety, addiction, self-harm, dementia, and an early death. According to experts, “loneliness is a killer” and a “public health emergency”.
A recent U.S. Surgeon General’s report states that loneliness is more dangerous than smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
Loneliness affects our hormones
One of the key reasons why loneliness undermines our physical health and mental well-being is that it changes our hormone levels.
Social interaction releases oxytocin, an anti-stress hormone widely known as the love hormone, cuddle hormone, or bonding hormone. Oxytocin makes us feel more connected and is generally important for our well-being.
Oxytocin also triggers the production of dopamine, the chemical that makes you feel good when you accomplish a meaningful task, enjoy a delicious meal or engage in other activities you love. This mechanism is the reason why it feels good to cuddle.
Most existing guides on how to increase oxytocin levels suggest actions such as “cuddle or hug,” “have sex,” “do something nice for someone,” “spend time with friends,” “get (or give) a massage” — or even “give birth and breastfeed” (nice everyday routine, thanks!)
How do I get the ‘cuddle hormone’ when there is no one to cuddle?
Oxytocin is often released when we interact with others — but not only! In fact, there are simple ways to boost your oxytocin levels when you’re alone!
Sadly, most people don’t know this. I wish more of us had learned about this before COVID-19 lockdown times. It’s high time for an awareness campaign! Hopefully this article finally gets the ball rolling.
Before we delve into the methods for oxytocin self-care, let me make an important disclaimer.
PLEASE NOTE:
The self-care methods presented in this article are not intended to (and cannot) replace real interpersonal contact. They can help you deal with acute loneliness and mitigate its negative impacts on your physical and mental health. But to find a sustainable solution and prevent chronic loneliness, it is crucial to proactively address the root problem. The internet offers numerous tips and guides on how to overcome loneliness, and I’ll be sharing more about this on my blog as well.
Importantly, loneliness does not depend on how many friends or relationships you have. More than 60% of lonely people are married. It is not the quantity but rather the quality of relationships and social interactions that matters. Don’t play games waiting to be contacted. If you want to be around people, be proactive and let them know. Also: go volunteer! This is a great and meaningful way to meet interesting new people. The act of volunteering has also been shown to boost oxytocin.
That said, knowing methods for boosting oxytocin levels can be extremely helpful in everyday life.
Social contact is not always readily available. Even for socially well-connected individuals, the methods can be useful tools to regulate and care for themselves in lonely moments.
Methods for oxytocin self-care
Existing methods for boosting oxytocin levels within ourselves are very diverse — there is sure to be something suitable for you:
1 — self-soothing touch
A simple and effective method to care for yourself when you’re alone is to give yourself supportive touch. Although it might initially feel unfamiliar or awkward, your body will positively respond to the gesture of warmth and care. You will enjoy it much more than you might expect. Research has shown that oxytocin is released in response to gentle stimulation of the skin, e.g., in response to touch and stroking.
Some possibilities to give yourself supportive touch are:
- Gently stroking your arms (try the sensitive inside of your forearms)
- Running one fingertip along the palm of the other hand
- One hand on your cheek
- Massaging your hands or feet
- Giving yourself a gentle hug (be patient, hold for a few minutes)
- Gently rubbing or stroking your chest
- Hands on your abdomen and over heart
2 — Using a hot water bottle (or heated blanket!)
Snuggling with warm objects, such as hot water bottles, rice or wheat bags, can imitate body contact. Research says that oxytocin is released when our skin is stimulated with warmth. Try a hot water bottle tucked inside a fluffy cover, for example.
When it comes to hot water bottles, the last years have brought us some simple yet amazing innovations:
➤ Hot water bottles with hand pockets (see here)
➤ Microwavable slippers (see here) / lavender scented boots (see here)
➤ Extra long heating wraps for lower back, waist, stomach, and shoulder (see here or here — Ladies, attention: this is also the perfect tool for surviving your next period! 😌 Thank me later.)
➤ And my personal favorite: heated blankets!!! 🥰 (see here, here, or here)
3— Breathing Exercises
Deep and mindful breathing calms the mind, relaxes the body and has been shown to increase oxytocin levels. You will find countless breathing techniques for stress-relief online — you can use any of them.
My favorite breathing exercises:
8-second breath: Inhale for 8 seconds, hold your breath for 8 seconds, exhale for 8 seconds, hold your breath for 8 seconds, and repeat this for a mindful five- or ten-minute session each day.
Arm elevation and coordinated breathing (specifically recommended by PsychologyToday for boosting oxytocin): Whether seated or standing, start by relaxing your entire body and take stock of your feelings. Then inhale through your nose, filling your stomach, then gradually guide your breath upward toward your chest over six seconds. As you breathe in, gracefully lift your arms, extending them sideways and circling them upward above your head. Exhale through your mouth for six seconds, lowering your arms slowly while contemplating something that sparks genuine compassion. Repeat this sequence five to ten times, and after, assess the shift in your feelings.
4 — Loving Kindness Meditation
Thinking positively of others while meditating is a method recommended for boosting oxytocin, and has also scientifically been shown to slow ageing at the genetic level. This so-called “loving kindness meditation” is very simple to practice and can have profound impacts on our well-being, with just a few moments of intentional positivity.
How to do it: Find a quiet space, close your eyes, and direct complimentary or hopeful thoughts toward a specific person. Choose a mantra like “May you be happy, healthy, safe, and at ease” or simply “Alice is wonderful” and repeat it while pushing away other thoughts.
5 — Singing a song or listening to soothing music
Whether you’re listening to relaxing tunes or belting out a melody on your own, music brings a unique blend of joy, focus, and motivation. Research has shown that singing and listening to soothing music can raise our oxytocin levels.
6 — Practicing yoga
Beyond the well-known benefits of reducing anxiety, alleviating stress, combating depression, and enhancing sleep quality, yoga appears to have a hidden oxytocin-boosting power. After just one month of regular yoga practice, participants in a 2013 study displayed significantly increased levels of oxytocin. This provides just another compelling reason to roll out the yoga mat and explore the ancient technique’s profound impact on overall well-being.
7 — Self-pleasure
Yes, you read that right: another method for boosting your oxytocin is masturbation. Having sex is among the most frequently recommended methods for increasing oxytocin levels. Another person is not necessarily required. Loving yourself works as well. If you want to get creative, try new things, explore your body, use sex toys, read up on new methods for masturbation. Believe me, no matter how often you have done it, there is still a lot to learn. In the interest of oxytocin production: take your time, and try how it feels to be very mindful, sensual and gentle with yourself.
8 — Imagining physical contact
Last but not least, research has shown that visualization techniques can increase oxytocin. You can boost your oxytocin levels solo-style simply by imagining a hug or cuddle with someone special. Close your eyes, let your mind wander, and feel the warmth of connection. Take your time.
Explore!
For an enhanced effect, you can of course combine methods, e.g.:
- Deep breathing + self-soothing touch
- Imagining physical contact + listening to soothing music + gently stroking or hugging yourself
Try different methods and combinations, be curious, be creative, and see what works best for yourself.
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People in modern societies have largely lost the ability to self-care and self-regulate. I’m convinced that this is a root cause for much of the hatred, division, and destruction we are witnessing in our world today.
If we want to save this planet and restore social cohesion, we need to start with healing ourselves.
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