How to Become Successful — Even Though You Feel Ordinary
Vulnerability is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Success is knowing which ones to keep.
Self-improvement can read like visual nails on a chalkboard.
All the talk about waking up at 5 am, Pomodoro-batching your way to productivity, meditating away all of the confusion, and journaling your goals before bed advice can make your eyes bleed.
For me? No thanks. I'm not about that.
It's not that I don't think it works — I'm sure it does. However, I've been historically a B- student for most of my life. I do just the bare minimum to still perform at a level that will lead to success. It's not that I'm lazy or unmotivated. Quite the opposite. I just think there are ways to proverbially work smarter rather than harder — especially when it comes to self-improvement and personal growth.
Like the vast majority, I see myself as pretty ordinary. By using that lens, I've been able to produce extraordinary results for my business, my relationships, and the personal relationship I have with myself and my growth.
"Average people are the most special people in the world, and that’s why God made so many of them.”
— Michael Scott’s Mom
Check it out…
Highly successful ordinary people have four things in common
What's the recipe for finding success?
Regardless of the area in your life (relationships, career, money, happiness, etc.) what does it take to grow and nurture success? There's nothing really special about it. It simply has four elements that work together to create a fly-wheel relationship that progresses towards success and fulfillment.
- Hard work (duh.)
- Talent
- Belief
- Luck
Now, most people get sidetracked by the elusiveness of the last element: luck. They believe that luck is the general indicator that someone will find success,
- "You got so lucky with to find Jim. He's such a wonderful husband."
- "You were lucky to start producing YouTube videos in 2011. It's too saturated now."
- "You're lucky to have a gym in your apartment complex. It's so hard to feel motivated to exercise after I get home from work."
Now, I'm not going to sit here and lie to you. Lying takes up too much time. Luck is involved. But in conjunction with the other three elements, you can stumble upon luck the more you work on and build the others.
Casey Neistat possessed some talent as an amateur filmmaker. He worked hard juggling his day job as a moonlighting dishwasher, being a father, and undertaking side hustle film work. He had a belief that his video, "bike lanes" was funny and engaging so in 2011, he uploaded it to YouTube and was lucky enough for it to go viral.
These four elements intermingle with one another the more you feed them.
The harder you work, the more talented you become. When you develop your talents, you find more belief in your abilities. When you believe in yourself more, you take more chances and thus find luck! Of course, when you hack being lucky — it causes you to work even harder and the cycle continues.
Be naive enough to reach
When I was nine years old, my grandparents returned from a trip traveling across Europe. My grandparents traveled often and they were always gracious enough to treat my brother, sister, and me to souvenirs. After this particular trip, my grandparents gifted me a souvenir that set in motion a cascade of dreams and goals. My grandparents gifted me a ceramic bull replica akin to the actual bulls of the Matador bullfighting you find in Spain. The bull had three holes across its shoulder blades where you could stick three tiny (but sharp) scimitar swords.
Now, these were the days before the internet. I had no idea what I had in front of me. I didn't know that bulls fought humans in Spain (or vice versa) and that this was a potential career option. I would go to the library and scour everything I could to find out more about the matador life.
My mom asked me why I wanted to go to the library so much and why I wanted to learn about bullfighting. I told her it was because I wanted to be a matador when I grew up. She laughed,
"Jonathan, don't be silly. You won't be able to be a matador when you grow up."
She didn't know it then, but she broke my poor, skinny, nine-year-old heart after telling me that.
Though she didn't say that out of malice, I told myself (after throwing that dream away) that I wouldn't let another person discourage me from following my dreams. Now, as a writer and entrepreneur — I hear it all the time,
- "Really, a writer? You probably don't make a lot of money then."
- "You work for yourself? Aren't you scared that you don't have health insurance?"
Do you know what I think when I hear those types of comments and questions? I realize this is how I've been able to secure my spot. Because too many others are afraid to take their shot, I'm able to find my place here above the clouds.
Ninety-nine percent of people in the world are convinced they are incapable of achieving great things, so they aim for the mediocre. The level of competition is thus fiercest for ‘realistic’ goals, paradoxically making them the most time and energy-consuming.”
― Timothy Ferriss
Talented people are attracted to those who care about them
Elon Musk is famous for saying something like,
"I didn't go to Harvard — but the people that work for me sure did."
I'm no Musk — I don't ever want to be him either or have what he has. Too much time to do the things he does and solve the problems he pursues. Not me. Remember when I said I'm a sucker for the bare minimum?
I want more time and more freedom.
That isn't to say I've been able to navigate my way through borrowing other people's skills and talents so we can mutually benefit. I understand that I have mostly ordinary talents. I also understand that the people around me far surpass my skills and abilities.
How do I get these people with superior talents, abilities, and resources to help me tackle my obstacles? I simply show people that I recognize their work and that I care about what they're doing. The leading researcher on influence and persuasion, Dr. Robert Cialdini, in his work Influence, notes how people "like people who are similar to us, we like people who pay us compliments, and we like people who cooperate with us towards mutual goals."
And for people who may have their manipulation-detectors going off because they read "influence" and think trickery is involved I have just one question,
"How can anything be manipulation when genuine interest and enthusiasm between both parties is involved?"
Listen, I'll be the first to tell you that I'm too naive and ordinary to be cunning enough to get something from someone through manipulation.
When you pay people honest compliments and show your appreciation, good things will happen.
The more you value achievement, the more you come to dread failure (It's science)
They say,
"Good things come to those who wait"
I say that's hogwash. I say we call up the elites in charge of archiving our sayings and demand an amendment. I recommend we change it to,
"Good things come to those who put their heads down and do the work for the work's sake — regardless of the outcome."
Yeah. That's better. Doing the work for the work's sake is the most sustainable way to yield success. Don't get me wrong, I never said it was the "quickest" way or the most "guaranteed" way. But it's the most sustainable way. How's that? If we were to do the work for the outcome rather than simply for the sake of doing the work, we'd shortly find ourselves swinging back and forth on a dopamine teeter-totter.
What I mean by this is that research shows that when we achieve a win, our brains release the feel-good neurotransmitters including endorphins, serotonin, and dopamine. Conversely, when we experience a failure, the brain releases the anxiety-inducing hormone, cortisol.
Now, if you were to do the work solely for the wins and you don't get them, what happens? You unfortunately set yourself up to release stress hormones galore.
When you do the work for the sole purpose of completing the task (rather than tying it to the outcome) you are guaranteeing yourself to release feel-good vibes.
How might this look for you?
- Talk to the attractive girl you see at the bar. Regardless of her response, mustering up the courage to be vulnerable is the win.
- Write the article. It doesn't matter if it goes viral or not — sitting down and putting thought to paper and completing it is what matters.
- Travel a mile on the treadmill. It doesn't matter that you're not running or jogging — you told yourself you'd do it and you did.
Achieving success doesn't require being first
It just requires being better and being slightly different.
Lucky for you — you're different from everyone else on the plant. You might not believe me. If that's truly the case, if you don't believe me — I'm gutted.
Because in you lies the key. In your seemingly ordinary life lies the gifts you need to share with the rest of the world. What is "ordinary" to you may very well be extraordinary to another. It's there within you.
With hard work, you'll develop the talents to build more. With a robust set of talents, you'll have the belief to take risks. When you take risks, you open yourself up to luck.
With a little bit of [self-created] luck, perhaps you'll reach the top of the mountain only a few are naive enough to shoot for.
Then you'll have the confidence to tell others around you how awesome their gifts and abilities are and, in turn, have them help you as you keep finding more success.
And you keep doing the work, simply because you know it will take you further.
Perhaps you’ll look back and you'll see an "ordinary person" who achieved a lot of badass success along the way.
Join over 5,000 others and monetize your creativity with my free guide-regardless of your expertise-level — Check it out for free here
