Life

How to Become a Mermaid

Myth becoming reality

I’d rather be a mermaid. That’s what the bumper sticker on the purple Ford Focus parked across the street read. It caught my eye… and I wondered.

To be a mermaid? What would that be like? This person obviously had given it some thought…and enough thought to buy a bumper sticker. I’m usually up for a fun challenge, so I hopped on my laptop and did some digging. Guess what I found.

You can absolutely be a mermaid!

In fact, there are tons of mermaids.

Most people know of mermaids in the mythological sense. Mermaid stories riddle folklore worldwide. Part human, part fish… mermaids were rumored to be semi-divine beings given magical powers. The oldest tales tell of mermaids so beautiful and mischievous that they would bide their time seducing and luring sailors to their deaths. Too enamored by the exquisite surreal beauty of the mermaids, entire crews would sail obliviously into treacherous rocky shorelines.

Captivating deadly sirens.

In recent years the mystique and infatuation with these elusive creatures have evolved into a full-blown love affair. Admiration has grown to imitation and a new-age breed of modern-day mermaids is captivating hearts!

I know what you’re thinking. You want to see if you’ve got what it takes to be a modern-day deep-sea princess.

Head on over to one of the hundreds of Mermaid schools popping up worldwide. Aquamermaid is just one sterling example of these underwater goddess training grounds. They boast a whopping thirteen locations worldwide. That’s thirteen full-fledged schools with actual courses, employing instructors, booking out events, and supporting an entire network of alumni. It blows my mind.

According to Fast Economy Magazine, there are approximately 1000 full-time working mermen and mermaids in the United States alone. I bet you would have never guessed that! Keep in mind that this number only reflects actual professionals being paid a salary to be deep-sea folk. One can only imagine how many part-time or freelance mermaids are swimming around out there.

“I must be a mermaid, Rango. I have no fear of depths and a great fear of shallow living.”

-Anais Nin

I’ve never personally wanted to be a mermaid, but I’ll confess that I have definitely been intrigued by the concept long before I stumbled across that bumper sticker.

Originally born and raised in Michigan, I traded in my down-filled winter coats for flip flops after graduating high school. I hung my hat in sunny Florida for eight glorious years, where I developed a healthy adoration of beaches… and the ocean.

It’s hard not to fall victim to the charm of soft powdered sand, a warm gentle breeze, and crystal clear teal-tinted water.

Palm trees swaying in the wind, it was a common sight to watch tourists and families pouring out of the beachfront shops armed with their newly acquired water goggles, clip-on shark fins, and shimmery mermaid-inspired bathing suits. People are drawn to the exotic nature of ocean living, especially if on vacation. Vacation is the perfect opportunity to be someone or something other than yourself. In fact, no one wants to be themselves on vacation… they want to escape.

In Florida, there’s no shortage of “I wish I were a mermaid” stickers, shoulder bags, costumes, key chains, laptop cases, tee shirts, and water bottles. Mermaid-inspired attire and memorabilia saturates the hearts of Floridians and tickles the fancy of tourists as though it were a type of cult.

I’m guilty too.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have a mermaid keychain that hung on the mirror in my car back then. I liked it. It made me feel happy to glance at the shiny rainbow foiled tail. It made me think of silly-hearted things like cotton candy and making wishes.

Something about the thought of or potential of the mermaid being more than a fairytale made me, with childlike innocence, believe in secret miracles. My logical brain reasons not to be foolish… but my heart wants so desperately to bet on a dream. Like most people, I find that I savor any opportunity to shatter the confines of a boring reality with exciting surreal delusions.

That being said, let’s talk logistics.

Mermaid 101

What does a typical Mermaid lesson look like? Imagine synchronized swimming meets The Little Mermaid! Lessons are divided up into subject areas like monofin swimming techniques, underwater acrobatic movements, and tail care.

Yes, I said tail care.

If you’re a mermaid, your tail is your crown and glory.

Lots of tail options are on the market with silicone being the most lifelike and widely sought after. But save up your pennies… because tails aren’t cheap! A high-quality shimmering mermaid tail can run thousands of dollars.

If you prefer to make more of a passive mermaid lifestyle choice, no worries! Companies like Fin Fun have you covered, offering mermaid fin blankets, swimsuits, leggings, and pajamas. Is that really a thing? Yep. In fact, Fin Fun reports selling upwards of 50,000 fins a month. That’s an impressive testament to the world’s infatuation with these oceanic beauties.

Anyone can be a mermaid.

Of course, some are better suited for the role.

I certainly wouldn’t be winning any prizes. I’ve never been able to hold my breath for very long. I despise opening my eyes underwater because they get itchy and everything looks cloudy. Honestly, I have no idea how people can stand it. I get claustrophobic, so wearing a tail that confines my legs together would completely freak me out. I’d end up having a panic attack and sinking hopelessly to the bottom of the tank.

In my hunt for souls braver than I, as a pleasant surprise, I stumbled across the most fascinating of all the practicing modern-day mermaids, Felicia or Felicia With Fins, as she’s known in aquatic circles.

A successful full-time model, her heart was swayed towards the sea after a unique photoshoot opportunity presented itself. She had always loved deep-sea diving and took on the underwater glam session with fervor. Soon after, she permanently traded in her stilettos for fins and hasn’t looked back.

“It’s not enough to dance in the rain… submerge yourself in the water.”

— Felicia With Fins

The essence of the modern-day mermaid

While I‘m not becoming a mermaid any day soon, I find it comforting to know that there are others across the globe carrying the torch, or should I say trident. Today’s deep-sea maidens are beautiful, strong, environmentally conscious friends of the sea.

Mermaids, like anyone else, have goals and purpose. Breathtaking displays of underwater acrobatics are only a small portion of the pie. More than anything, they strive to raise awareness and to protect the oceans and all their inhabitants. Many mermaids actively fundraise and do their part to help stop pollution.

Mermaids are making the world a better place for us all.

While professional mermaids work to earn a living, they are also using their notoriety for the greater good. Part human, part fish, what better symbol to bridge the gap between the importance of ocean preservation and man-made pollution. Reef Check Worldwide is just one example of an organization that benefits from the generosity of merfolk.

“There is, one knows not what sweet mystery about this sea, whose gently awful stirrings seem to speak of some hidden soul beneath…”

— Herman Melville, Moby Dick

It’s okay to be a silly heart

Should you find yourself up late tonight googling mermaid classes and budgeting for the potential, don’t feel embarrassed. I can almost guarantee you’re not alone. Mermaids are discovering themselves every day!

Escape can be good.

If there’s one thing that the year 2020 has taught me it’s that life is short and there’s nothing wrong with being a silly heart every now and then. Eat cotton candy, dance in the rain, tell your best friend how much you love them, believe in dreams, go outside at night and look up at the stars… just because you can. Wonder if we’re really alone in the universe or part of something much bigger. Believe in mermaids.

My name is Jamie Golob. I’m a writer, artist, and lover of life, motivated by the collective experiences and stories of the creative community. My mission is to illuminate and preserve the beautiful complexities of what it means to be human.