Summary

The web content provides a satirical guide on how to initiate sexual encounters during lockdown by incorporating everyday activities such as housework, cooking, and home maintenance.

Abstract

The article titled "How to Beat Lockdown Celibacy" presents a humorous and fictional set of scenarios aimed at spicing up one's sex life amidst the monotony of lockdown. It suggests three unconventional methods for individuals to seduce their partners, using the context of mundane household tasks like cleaning, cooking, and DIY projects. The guide, which is intended for both men and women, offers playful and surprising ways to initiate intimacy, emphasizing the element of surprise and the incorporation of sexual innuendo into domestic chores. The author, MartinRushton, makes it clear that the guide is purely for entertainment and strongly advises against attempting these actions without mutual consent, cautioning readers about potential legal and safety consequences.

Opinions

The author believes that the lockdown period can lead to increased sexual frustration and creativity in maintaining an active sex life.
There is an underlying assumption that readers are looking for ways to add excitement to their relationships during the lockdown.
The article suggests that sexual satisfaction can be achieved through playful and consensual interactions that blend eroticism with everyday activities.
The author emphasizes the importance of consent and safety, distancing themselves from any non-consensual or harmful behavior that could arise from the suggested activities.
The guide is written with a sense of humor, indicating that the author sees the potential for playfulness in otherwise routine aspects of life.
The author seems to be advocating for open communication and mutual assistance in relationships, even when it comes to fulfilling sexual desires.

How to Beat Lockdown Celibacy

A fictional guide to having your way during lockdown.

Have you been lacking in the sex department? Is your partner unwilling to ‘have a bit of fun’ between the sheets?

Maybe your vibrator has run out of batteries, or you are bored of Mrs Palm and her five lovely daughters.

In these unprecedented times you occasionally have to ‘go the extra mile' to get your wicked way.

Why not try my ‘3 ways to have your way for him and her' during lockdown.

1. All Cleaned Up

In most households one of the more common activities is housework. Who would have thought watching someone clean could be so arousing? All that rubbing, wrist action, getting hot and sweaty and maybe just a little wet.

For Him.

You’ve walked in the bathroom and the she is on all fours, hands down the back of the toilet giving the u-bend a good scrub. Why waste the opportunity, walk over and ask her what she is doing, whilst placing your hand on the centre of her back. Quietly drop your trousers and get ready. Now! Go for it, push down with your hand, holding her against the toilet. Rip those panties down and get in there.

When you are done and feel accomplished, make her a nice drink and joke about it.

For Her.

Why not suggest doing some housework in just underwear. Make sure your undies are not too sexy though. You don’t want him getting aroused too early. Give it a little while and get him to dust some high level bits while you vacuum. Play around a bit and keep getting his arse with the pipe. Now your turn to pounce. As he turns around suck that cock up with the pipe. He is now at your mercy. Force him to the ground and make the most of what that vacuum caused. He will be so taken back by what you have done that he won’t resist.

Joke about what just happened and give him some cream for the suction sores.

2. Chefs Special Sauce

Everyone has to cook at some point. So why not have the kitchen experience go with a bang and get those taste buds tingling.

For Him

I love discussing with my partner what culinary delights we can produce during lockdown. Certainly something about a mouthful that is heaven. So find out what she plans to cook.

Get in the kitchen first and make sure one key ingredient or utensil is down low in a cupboard and wait.

There she is preparing a lovely meal and needs that item you hid. Stand behind the cupboard door with your little man out and wait. Ask ‘Everything ok?’ As she answers make the most of the open mouth. Make sure you hold her head firmly and don’t let go until you finish.

Chances are she won’t be very happy, so offer assistance and make her feel you really want to help.

For Her.

Don’t you just hate it when the one thing you need is out of reach? I know I do and sometimes have to ask for help. So before you make that call and get him in to help, make sure you are dressed for the occasion. Short skirt and no panties for this one. Kneal on the counter and ask him to stand behind you and hold you steady. Once his hands are full, reach up and forward slightly (he won’t notice at all as he will be looking elsewhere. Grab his hair and bury him in your pussy, keep him there until he has served you up a delight.

Tell him when dinner will be ready and ask him to prepare the vegetables.

3. D.I.Y.

Apartment maintenance is high on the agenda during this time. And is another cause of anxiety and frustration.

For Him.

Time to get the ladder out and get that light fitting changed. Someone needs to hold the ladder to keep it steady. Once done make her feel like she has really helped and let her climb the ladder to put the bulbs in. As she comes down the ladder, guide her down. With you holding the ladder she won’t have much of a choice but to go down between your arms. No is your chance to slip it in quick and have your wicked way.

Congratulate her on getting the bulbs in and show her how much of a difference it makes to the room.

For Her.

You’ve noticed over the last few weeks that the bed is sagging a bit. Why not get your man to take a look. Make sure though that he slides under the bed face up, otherwise this won’t work. As he goes under the bed to look straddle his legs. Doing this stops him from moving back out and now you can have your fill. This is an ideal opportunity to get those trousers down and get him aroused. Now you have him how you want him enjoy the ride.

Help him back out from under the bed. Get him a plaster or bandage for his head.

I hope you enjoyed my little ‘How To' guide. It was inspired from reading quite a few and not getting anything from them.

Note: This is purely fictional and for fun. I cannot take any responsibility for injuries, death, being arrested, imprisonment or anything else that may occur because you tried these out. Remember be nice to other people and stay safe 🤓.

Please though! Don’t try this at home. Especially without consent, as I wouldn’t want to find out that something bad happened to someone.