How to be Yourself in a World that Wants to Change You

Being yourself is a continuous effort but doesn't need to be a struggle with these 8 golden rules

The truth of the matter is that being yourself is a continuous effort.

There are always expectations placed on you, people trying to mold you, nudges from society telling you who to be and how to act.

In addition, if you feel lost and unsure of yourself then it further exacerbates the issue.

So, it often becomes a daily battle of being yourself. It's a full-time job really.

It's been said that many people one day wake up and realize they have been everyone but themselves. How sad!

They have had an inner conflict that they have been unable to resolve and have constantly been pulled in different directions.

Remember we all have two pulls

The pull of the world (people, culture, society, media, etc pulling you in one direction).

AND

The pull of your real self ( your true self/higher self pulling you towards your heart’s desires).

So how do you then navigate this and be yourself in a world that wants to change you?

I honestly believe it first starts with getting to know who you are and also knowing who you want to be and owning this 100%.

Sounds easy right?

It's not and that’s why most people struggle their whole life with it.

The truth of the matter is that it requires a lot of deep soul searching and introspection along with self-confidence.

There are no shortcuts as the journey is long and full of twists and turns.

But just like any journey, it's full of adventure, and eventually, you do reach your destination.

Once you've reached your destination, you've come home.

You've come home to YOU but there’s still work to be done as it's not just about the destination.

After all, YOU (being yourself) is a lifelong process, it doesn't just happen once-off and VOILA you're done.

But you want to at least get to that place where you are comfortable and content with being who you are.

Many unfortunately never get there even when they have a lot of so-called success- money, love, family, social standing, etc.

If you're not being who you truly are then all the success of the world isn't going to fill you up. You’ll always feel a deep void.

Being yourself is a full-time job but doesn't have to be all that hard or daunting if you consistently practice the following 8 rules.

I honestly believe these should be taught in schools as that’s when so many people start feeling lost and unsure about who they are.

Give them a try, I think you’ll really get a lot out of them.

So without further ado here they are:

1. Peel the onion — get to know yourself

This is the foundation and without it, you’ll be lost your whole life. Getting to know yourself goes beyond your family, ethnicity, food preferences, work, etc. This is all about getting to the core of who you are — I call it unpeeling the layers. Become a great onion peeler and go deep to discover who you are. You might shed a couple of tears along the way but just like with cutting onions for cooking it's worth it. The following will help:

• Spend time with yourself daily in solitude. Spending time alone enables you to discover your mind, thought processes better. Schedule it in. 10–15 minutes first thing in the early morning is the best time for me.
• Ask yourself constantly what do I really want in life? Who do I want to be? Answers will come eventually. Take action in making them a reality. Dont be afraid of testing different things out to help you with it.
• Master the Selfs- Self-image, Self-esteem, Self-love, Self-confidence.

2. Take a break from social media

Aside from the obvious comparison trap that happens on social media, it's hard to find your own voice and be who you truly are if your’e constantly consuming other people's thoughts and opinions. Although social media helps you connect with others and allows you to have a voice, it can trigger negative thought patterns and feelings of inadequacy. The following will help:

• Take a break from social media ( one month, two months, three months).
• Reduce your consumption. Instead of checking Facebook daily check once a week.
• Take a real selfie- look in the mirror and affirm who you are.
• Dont get your validation from likes and comments. Get them from setting worthwhile goals and making progress in life.

3. Resist the urge to constantly please others

Seeking validation from others is a surefire way to prevent yourself from being who you are and living your best life. I'm not advocating you go out of your way to be a rude and unlikeable person but avoid being a people pleaser, a pansy, and worse a doormat. Remember no matter what you do or say, you’re not going to be able to please every single person in your life. The following will help:

• Remember for every 10,000 people that like you there will be 10,00 people that dont like you. Just accept it and move on!.
• Dont be afraid to rock the boat and say what you mean even if it stirs some people up. Remember people respect authenticity.
• Whenever you feel the urge to please someone, pause and ask what am I afraid of here? What’s a better way?.
• What You Think of Me is None of My Business a book by Terry Cole-Whittaker. Well worth a read!.

4. Be congruent

Nothing is more damaging to your overall self-esteem and self-worth than living a life of incongruency — what you say and do is not aligned. You must be true to your values and principles. Walk your talk! That's how you get true respect in the world. It doesn't matter if others dont share the same values and principles. What matters is being congruent with what you say and do. The following will help:

• Do a deep dive and get to know your values and principles and then live them.
• Dont betray your values and principles for others. It's the worst betrayal.
• Learn to hold yourself accountable and take responsibility for your life.
• Review what you stand for at least once a year to see if it still holds true.

5. Show up in the world as yourself

So many people look the same fashion and style-wise. This further reinforces not being oneself. It's okay to sometimes replicate fashion and styles you like from people but at the core, you should have your own fashion and style. That way when you show up in the world it boldly says this is who I am take it or leave it! Having your own sense of style and fashion is strongly linked to your self-image which determines so much of your results in life. The following will help:

• Experiment with a few styles and fashions to see which one is right for you
• Learn about color psychology to see which colors suit you best.
• Do a spring clean once a year and replace clothes and items that no longer serve you and keep the ones that do.

6. Be kind to yourself and appreciate who you are

At the end of the day, dont forget to be kind to yourself and appreciate who you are — the full package: your weaknesses, strengths, light, and shadow. Remember to be whole you must incorporate all of these. It's impossible to truly be yourself if you're trying to remove parts of yourself. Im not suggesting that you shouldn't work on removing parts of yourself that are problematic but overall you should accept who you are and practice self-love. The following will help:

• Practice self-love which at its core is a deep appreciation of who you are. It's not to be confused with vanity or conceit.
• Give yourself permission to make mistakes and F*** up as you will. You're only human!
• Only surround yourself with people that appreciate who you are & your progress and growth as a person. Weed out, toxic people.

7. Dont lose your identity in a relationship

All too often couples lose their identity in intimate relationships. This often happens because of molding when one partner is controlling and trying to mold you into something your not. But it can also happen if one partner is not feeling secure in themself, is feeling lost, and takes on the identity of their partner. No matter how much you love your partner you still need to retain that sense of you. You need to still function as I but work as We. The following will help:

• Realize If two people are exactly the same in a relationship one of you isn't needed. Which one is going to go?.
• Remember that healthy relationships are a balance of similarities but also core differences.
• Run for the hills if your partner is trying to mold you like a potter and their clay. That's not a true loving partner.

8. Create and find yourself

I honestly have come to believe after much introspection and soul searching that life involves a combination of finding yourself & also creating yourself. Let me explain — you find yourself by going deep within as that's where your true self is. Call it a higher self, divine spark, etc. Its been there since the time of our birth. But then as we come into this world our environment shapes us and continues to shape us throughout life. That's when we create ourselves along the way. So you need both the finding and the creating. The following will help:

• Burn Carl Jung’s quote into your mind: “The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”
• Be rooted in something — this is where you get your nourishment from. The best roots are faith in GOD or higher power, good values, and principles.
• Consume personal development material that helps you on your journey of self.
• Check in with yourself at least every 6–12 months to see if you’re on track with yourself.

I've covered a lot in this article but I hope I've given you some food for thought and some good takeaways for you to practice.

You’ll find that as you practice they will help in being yourself in a world that wants to change you.

To recap the 8 golden rules for being yourself are:

1. Peel the onion — get to know yourself
2. Take a break from social media
3. Resist the urge to constantly please others
4. Be congruent
5. Show up in the world as yourself

6. Be kind to yourself and appreciate who you are

7. Dont lose your identity in a relationship

8. Create and find yourself

To Creating a Better You,

Sandra D,

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