How To Be Sad
In a world telling you to be happy.
We’re trained to be positive. Nothing less than happiness is acceptable. From a young age, we’re taught to “cheer up”. When we cried, our parents distracted us to make us feel happy again.
As we grow up, we are surrounded by messages that happiness is the ultimate goal. If we experience sadness, we’ve failed in some way.
But sadness has benefits and accepting that you feel sad can be a game-changer.
What is sadness?
Sadness is one of our basic emotions. It’s a natural response to pain, often felt alongside stress and anxiety. We might cry, or experience chest tightness. We may feel powerless. We may want to isolate. Sadness is experienced differently for everyone.
Sadness isn’t Depression
While they appear similar at first glance, there are key differences between sadness and depression. Sadness is an emotion experienced as part of life’s ups and downs. It’s short-term and there are usually reasons for it.
Depression is long-term (greater than 2 weeks), and a diagnosable mental illness. It may not be possible to pinpoint a reason for the depression. There may be other symptoms including sleeplessness, low energy, suicidal thoughts and hopelessness. Depression can impact daily life in a significant way.
While people experiencing sadness often get relief, those with depression usually do not.
Sadness has Benefits (who knew?)
Research from Joseph Forgas, an Australian social psychologist, suggest that there are five advantages to sadness.
- Improves your memory —Sadness can help you to recollect details of your environment better than happiness.
- Improves your judgement — Sadness can reduce common judgemental biases, like the Halo effect, where we associate physical attractiveness with positive traits.
- Improves your social interactions — Sadness can help you to rely on external cues rather than first impressions. This helps you communicate better in uncertain situations.
- Can be motivating — Sadness is an alert indicating that something needs to change. It helps you persevere through challenges.
- Makes you nicer — Sadness can help you to be fairer and more thoughtful in decision making — it promotes generosity.
How to be Sad
You know when you’re in a bad mood and you just want to stay there?
I used to get upset at myself if I couldn’t instantly get happy. I wasn’t allowed to be sad. No visualization or gratitude practice could help me in those moments. When I tried, it felt like a disservice to my body and I would become upset.
One day, I thought, “Why don’t I just accept that I feel sad? Let’s see what happens.” And this is what I did:
- I let go of the idea that I needed to brush sadness away.
- I told myself, “it’s okay to feel sad.”
- I added a dash of hope — knowing that sadness will pass.
While I didn’t jump up and down with joy, I felt relief. It took away the pressure to feel happy. I could relax.
Accept sadness — it makes life a whole lot easier.