How to be Nice — but Not Get Taken Advantage Of.

The financial and more importantly, the emotional cost of over-kindness.

(I must make clear I’m not talking about giving a few bucks to someone that’s homeless. Please do, they really need it. I’m delving more deeply, and you’ll understand if it’s relevant to you without me having to explain exactly which kinds of kindness you can be exploited for.)

It may sound like a strange topic, but for many of us, being nice consistently, and staying that way can become more difficult if you don’t get something back from it, and feeling like that is OK.

This might sound contradictory to what you’ve been told before, but in fact; wanting to help others is generous whether or not you are expecting returns on your generosity ‘investment’.

In the end, the expectation that you’ll get a return doesn’t matter… to the person/or people you’ve helped.

Then again… although it’s okay to hope to receive something more than just the satisfaction of what you’ve given, you shouldn’t expect to get something back when you give. Even though it sounds reasonable, generally it doesn’t work for your soul. You become less of a ‘nice person’ and more of a ‘debt collector’.

“Okay, so I’ll give away all my money without hope of getting it back.”

You might think it’s a positive thing to be a ‘martyr’, but it’s not necessarily good to be so nice, or so generous that you end up in a worse situation than those you’re trying to help.

What you risk is becoming bitter because of your ‘super-generosity’, and then finding yourself not wanting to help anyone at all, ever again. You won’t trust ‘karma’ when it seems like it never got you anywhere. But you should.

It’s not because you’re a bad person that it’s possible to become this way, it’s just one of life’s curve-balls that you’ve got to be aware of or it can quickly spiral out of control. Eventually you’ll look at yourself and not recognise the kind, optimistic person you once were. We’ve all been there. If that’s already happened, it’s good you’re here reading this.

I’ve talked about balance before in my article ‘The 10 Remindments’:

When practicing kindness you must balance your own circumstances with those you’re trying to help out. Sometimes real help takes some sacrifices, but a sacrifice can be okay sometimes if handled in a considered way.

If you are in a position where you can comfortably help, you should do so but in a considered way. It will help others and it will help you. The practice of giving feels much better than receiving.

Sometimes your generosity needs no financial cost at all. It can be as simple as waving to someone to thank them when you’re driving and they’ve let you in. It could be just going for a coffee with a friend who you know needs to talk to someone.

If you’ve got to this paragraph I know you’re a kind person. You probably have a problem with being over generous and it seems to cost you more than anyone else. You’re striving to be better. Keep at it, it’s worth it. Just check yourself sometimes. Don’t let your kindness take a toll on you, because then you won’t be able to help anyone, and you’ll need it yourself.

Kindest,

The Soul Doctor