How to Be More Stable, Flexible and in Control of Your Life
Cultivate your sense of agency
Agency refers to the feeling of control over actions and their consequences. It’s the feeling that we’re in the driver’s seat. (Dr. James W. Moore, University of London)
Successful people make decisions, even in difficult times, because they have what’s called a high sense of agency. You, too, can cultivate this valuable and life-changing skill.
I get that it’s hard to make any decision in 2020. Like most people, you feel out of control because you don’t know what the future holds. We’re all now staring 2021 in the face and asking, what will 2021 be like?
But is that the right question to be asking? Shouldn’t we instead be asking how can I make 2021 a great year for me?
As I wrote in How to Use Strategic Ignorance to Increase Focus and Win in Life, 2020 was one of my most productive years ever because I:
- Decided what was essential to me;
- Focused on what I could control; and,
- Ignored self-defeating distractions.
You also can achieve this level of success in 2021. How? Employ what psychologists call a high sense of agency. Let me tell you how it works.
Focus on the good, throw out the trash
A wise person is hungry for knowledge, while the fool feeds on trash. (Proverbs 15:14, NLT)
Gosh, isn’t that proverb true… there’s an endless abundance of trash to fill our tummies. We’re continuously bombarded by people and organizations fighting for our attention, seeking to advance their agendas and their version of the truth.
These forces want you to believe that you need them and that without their precious help, you can’t succeed.
Do you know what they’re doing?
They’re stealing your sense of agency. They’re robbing you of your sense of control. They’re taking your confidence to make decisions about your future.
Don’t let this happen!
Albert Bandura, a Professor at Standard University and a social cognitive theory pioneer, said there is a socially embedded interplay between personal agency and environmental influences.
Dr. Bandura then goes on to say,
“Humans…are producers of their life circumstances, not just products of them.”
There it is, plain as day. You can produce your life’s circumstances, or you can let life’s circumstances produce you.
But how do you manage the dynamic tension between your environment and what you can control?
Control is an illusion
Studies have shown that the healthiest people have agency because they’ve developed confidence and competence, states Mary C. Lamia, Ph.D., in Your Sense of Agency, are You in Control of Your Life?
Successful people with a high sense of agency focus on what they know. They understand that they cannot control external events, and they cannot control other people.
Think about it; you usually feel defeated when you try to control something you have no business controlling. Perhaps you’ve tried to influence people or events, with no success. As a result, you end up feeling discouraged and depressed. The truth is, you can’t control situations outside of yourself, so don’t do it! Your efforts will simply result in misery.
Instead, says Dr. Lamia, you increase your sense of autonomy and control by:
- Setting reasonable goals,
- Increasing interactions with friends,
- Building a community to help you,
- Improving your health, and
- Accomplishing new challenges.
Just picture for a moment the compounding effect on your life if you sat down for five minutes every morning and committed to accomplishing something from Dr. Lamia’s list above. I’m not talking a laundry list of to-dos, that’s also self-defeating, just one or two actions in each of the above areas.
You want to cultivate agency in your life. Research shows that agency will make you more:
- Psychologically flexible and stable, and
- Competent and confident in uncertain or difficult situations.
Your life is your choice.
Make decisions to influence your future. It’s up to you.
Be wise and successful
Identify a reasonable goal you want to achieve this week and do the following:
- Develop a plan.
- Carry out the plan.
- Enjoy your success.
- Repeat, over and over again.