How to Be Delusional (Like Me)

Because being rooted in reality never got anyone anywhere.

Every morning, I have a calling.

Like an in-built alarm clock or a rabid, crowing rooster echoing inside me, it won’t stop until it serves its mission.

So every morning, I have no choice but to fulfill my Daily Delusions.

Daily Delusions? Yes, Daily Delusions. Ever-changing mantras I tell myself to sugarcoat reality, improve my self-perception, and gain the confidence needed to pursue what I want.

It’s pretty straightforward, like the law of attraction or manifesting — except rooted in voluntary ignorance and self-gaslighting as opposed to spirituality.

As this practice has done wonders for my life, I’d like to teach you how it’s done, in hopes that we can all grow delusional together.

Becoming a delusional beauty

As a delusional being, each day is an opportunity for me to recognize, acknowledge, and verbalize my beauty — regardless of whether it’s there or not.

“Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your silky mane,” I sing to myself, combing and clawing at my bird’s nest of a head.

“Beauty, where’s your beast?” I wonder in bewilderment, as a budding pimple boils on my chin, and my lips resemble two glued raisins tainted with morning breath.

“Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the most bodacious of them all?” I ask rhetorically, convincing myself that the answer lies in my own reflection.

Said with enough conviction, these Daily Delusions come to life. And I start behaving like a beauty pageant contestant who’s replied “world peace” to a question about universal healthcare.

Simply put, I start behaving like a delusional beauty.

Mission accomplished.

Overcoming insecurities

Turning into a delusional beauty isn’t always easy — especially when deep-rooted insecurities are at play. But fret no more, it’s still possible. All you have to do is switch up their narrative.

Big nose? “Lucky me, I’m a walking, talking Greek goddess.”

Pudgy stomach? “Sweet, a portable table!”

Small boobs? “Petite and perky, just what I wanted.”

Drill these stories into your head enough and watch your flaws become unshakeable strengths.

Becoming a delusional boss babe

Being delusional knows no boundaries. These past two years, I secured jobs I had no business securing, tripled my freelance writing rate, and grew confident as an interviewee, speaking like a corporate veteran with years of experience under her belt.

All it took was believing that I could.

The recipe is simple: Break down your limiting beliefs (i.e., what you think is or isn’t possible) and rebuild them using freshly-squeezed delusion.

At the risk of sounding like Tony Robbins’ indoctrinated daughter, life is what you make it.

The sky? The limit.

The world? Your oyster.

You really can become anything you put your mind to.

Pro tip: If you’re a skeptic, find success stories of others who’ve achieved your dreams. Bonus points if you share demographic similarities. These will make your goals seem less far-fetched.

Overcoming imposter syndrome

The antichrist in most people’s careers is imposter syndrome. If it festers long enough, you’re at a standstill: stuck, scared, and in doubt.

But don’t worry, these things won’t happen to people like us. We’re on a journey to utter delusion, remember?

What we do do when imposter syndrome rears its ugly head is remind ourselves that we deserve what we desire and are capable of achieving it. And, if all else fails, we know we can depend on our ravishing beauty to get our foot in the door.

Pro tip: Create a handy list of all your previous accomplishments and refer to it every time you feel unworthy. This can add flesh to your delusions when a mouthful of mantras isn’t enough.

Living in a state of perpetual delusional

In the long term, I’m striving for a black belt in delusion. A state of mind where my life solely depends on my perception as opposed to what’s actually happening. In this euphoric state:

If I believe all people are good, I only see the good in people.

If I believe I’m capable, naysayers become peripheral vision.

If I believe, it simply is.

As Kumbaya, Namaste, Shanti as this sounds, a conscious mental cleanse is necessary nowadays.

With so much fear, jealousy, and anger instilled by the media, our minds are predisposed to seeing the bad in life. So much so that we seek it, lensing in on our negative experiences to confirm that life is hard, bad, suffering. Just as we’ve been told it is.

Thankfully, most of us have free will. We can choose how we view things and experience life. Sure, some inevitable darkness will always linger, no matter how much we turn a blind eye. But I refuse to dwell on it. Whether this makes me an ignorant fool or an ingenious biohacker, I can’t quite tell.

One thing I do know, however, is that I refuse to be a Negative Nancy or Debbie Downer. But you know what I will be? Delusional Davina.

Delusionally myself.

*Cue credits and applause*