Summary

The article discusses the distinction between vulnerability and authenticity, emphasizing that while vulnerability can be a tool for manipulation, authenticity is about genuine self-expression without ulterior motives.

Abstract

The article "How to Be Authentic in an Inauthentic World" delves into the nuanced relationship between vulnerability and authenticity. It suggests that while vulnerability—exposing oneself to potential harm or judgment—can be admirable, it has become a commodified strategy in marketing and personal branding, potentially stripping it of its genuine nature. Authenticity, defined as being true to oneself and one's beliefs, is presented as the gold standard for personal integrity. The author argues that one can be vulnerable without being authentic, using the example of someone who manipulates others by sharing a hardship story without genuine openness. The article underscores that authenticity does not have a hidden agenda and is exemplified by characters like Anne Shirley, who is beloved for her unselfconscious vulnerability. The author encourages self-acceptance as a prerequisite for healthy vulnerability, which can then be used to genuinely connect with and serve others, rather than for seeking attention or healing one's own wounds.

Opinions

Vulnerability, while often admired, can be misused as a tactic for manipulation, which undermines its authenticity.
Authenticity is characterized by genuine self-expression and has no ulterior motive, unlike vulnerability that might be used for personal gain.
The author believes that true connection and service to others come from a place of authenticity, supported by self-acceptance and honesty.
There is a critique of how vulnerability has been co-opted by marketing and social media, turning it into a performance rather than a sincere expression of self.
The article suggests that sharing one's story should be done with the intent of genuine connection and not merely for attention or to manipulate others' emotions.
The author values the power of storytelling when it is done authentically, citing memoirs as examples of vulnerable and genuine sharing that can inspire and heal.

How to Be Authentic in an Inauthentic World

“To know what you prefer instead of humbly saying Amen to what the world tells you you ought to prefer, is to have kept your soul alive.” — Robert Louis Stevenson

Brene Brown says that what everyone admires most in others is their vulnerability, but the last thing everyone wants to be is vulnerable. Ha! Isn’t that the truth, though?

But have you noticed there’s a fine line between being vulnerable and inauthentic?

Vulnerability has become a marketing strategy and that, in and of itself, makes it inauthentic.

Confusing? Sounds like double speak? Follow me if you will.

Vulnerable and authentic are different things

Being vulnerable means…. “Exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally. Vulnerability — something many of us avoid due to fear of being judged, hurt or failure. To be vulnerable means to put ourselves in a position that could potentially hurt us.” (from What It Means to Be Vulnerable)

What it means to be vulnerable

Vulnerable. adjective. Exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.

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Being authentic means… “Authentic is defined as: “not false or copied; genuine; real.” And, my favorite definition, “representing one’s true nature or beliefs; true to oneself or to the person identified.” (from The 5 Qualities of an Authentic Person)

The 5 Qualities of an Authentic Person

“To be authentic, we must cultivate the courage to be imperfect — and vulnerable. We have to believe that we are…

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Can you be both? Yes! But can you be vulnerable and also be inauthentic? I think so. Using vulnerability to manipulate is an example.

You can be vulnerable and also be inauthentic

You know the woman who spills her guts to everyone she meets about her horrible marriage? How she’s trapped and if only she had some help, and a good friend, she could see her way out of her awful circumstances? And you get sucked in by her vulnerability and your compassion cranks up and you think, “Maybe I’m meant to help her. Maybe God sent her my way.”

So you begin to emotionally invest in her story and her life, but as soon as you show genuine concern and offer practical support, coupled with real friendship, she cuts you off. You’re hurt and wonder if you did something to offend her or if she felt you were not genuine.

Until you see her at the next gathering laying down her sob story for someone else and you overhear, “If only I had help I know I could turn my life around.” Yes, you’ve just been manipulated by someone using vulnerability, but someone who was not authentic or genuine.

I’ve found that, by nature, most of us are attuned to suffering and genuinely want to help others, especially if we have the means and can relate to their plight. It can be downright discouraging, however, when we realize we’ve been manipulated by their use of vulnerability.

But being vulnerable is a critical component to building relationships and genuine connection. You see this played out daily on social media. We’re entranced by Facebook lives and Instagram stories because we want a glimpse into the lives of others. We want and crave connectedness. It’s in our hard wiring and has helped us survive as a species.

We need to be careful about exposing vulnerability for vulnerability’s sake, otherwise, we run the risk of using it as an attention-seeking mechanism and a form of manipulation.

Reality TV, anyone?

Photo by Ekaterina Kartushina on Unsplash

Authenticity, on the other hand, has no motive.

It’s Anne Shirley saying delightful things like “I went looking for my dreams outside of myself and discovered, it’s not what the world holds for you, it’s what you bring to it.” And we chuckle and fall in love with her as she makes no bones about the correct spelling of her name: Anne, with an e.

We love Anne with an e because she’s authentic. Yes, she’s also vulnerable but she has no idea that she’s being vulnerable. Anne does not use her vulnerability to win friends or garner sympathy. Anne is authentically Anne and over time, wins the hearts of those who genuinely know her.

You may be sharing your emotions, pain, and wounds with the world, but you may not be sharing your heart.

Self-acceptance must come first. You need to be safe and sure in your own skin before vulnerability will serve others. By being simply and honestly yourself you can use your story to redeem and restore others, not draw attention to yourself in a weak attempt to heal your own heart.

I want to know your story, really I do!

I love reading memoirs. I want the gritty details of how Sheryl Strayed moved through the stages of grief. I admire the vulnerable language of Mary Karr and Anne Lamott as they talk about their road to recovery and grace. I turned every page of Eat, Pray, Love as I followed Elizabeth Gilbert through self-discovery.

But if you’re sharing your story as an attention seeking tactic, I’m going to sniff that out as inauthentic. If you’re attempting to be vulnerable but you’ve wrapped up your story in a big red bow and refuse to allow me to see your heart, I’m going to pass.

Vulnerability, coupled with authenticity and hope, is how we serve the world.