How to Be a Good Friend Without Going Crazy

Friendship does not have boundaries. Until you realize it does.

I love my friends. They are my second family. But like my family, they can drive me nuts. Does it mean I am a bad friend? No.

What about you?

Are you a good friend? Are you helpful? Do you deal with their crises, listen to complaints, go through break-ups, and do different jobs? A lot is happening in every friendship. One has a head full of his problems and their problems too.

But you don’t want to let them down. That’s what makes friends friends. The unselfishness and blind support, no matter what.

I bet you are sometimes fed up. You are sick and tired of your friends. So, how not go crazy?

One word:

Boundaries

“You can stay with me.”

You know that moment when one of your best friends has no place to go. So, you offer him to stay together with you. You feel sorry for him, and you want to be helpful.

Your friend moves in. At first, he tells you, he stays a week. Then it becomes two. In the third week, you are getting nervous. When it’s four weeks, the friend offers you to pay a part of the rent.

You feel anxious. You don’t know what to do. You feel like your friend uses you, but also you don’t have the heart to send him away. What now?

You have to set boundaries and, in this case, a timeline.

You should never say “stay as long as you need” as you can’t imagine that they actually take it literally.

Helping out friends is ok. But think about yourself first. You need your space. You love your friends; you may not want to live with them. Especially when you are into cleaning and little habits that they can break when they are around.

Be kind and tell them to stay for a weekend, a week, a month. But be sure you agree on some timelines. Ideally, before your friend is in. It will be easier.

“Can you come? I need you.”

I have a friend who is in a friend zone with one girl. She treats him as a friend, but he still hopes for more.

In his quest to be a good friend, he’s always available. I am not saying he jumps as she sings. But close to it. When you are available, people get used to it very quickly.

By responding promptly to their calls, messages, and calls for help, you set a bar. Do you want to be always available? What does it do for you?

“It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter.” — Marlene Dietrich

If you have nothing else to do, why not. But if you are doing them a favor all the time, they might not be good friends to you.

Value your friends, but don’t overuse them. Respect their time and their activities. Otherwise, you or they go crazy.

“We can meet on the 11th. No, better on the 25th. Or what about 18th?”

Sounds familiar? I have friends I like seeing. The problem is that I almost can’t see them as they are changing plans all the time. It’s hard to keep up.

You are supposed to meet. So, you come to the place, and they cancel it on a whim. “Not again.” It’s terrible that some friends just don’t know how to plan. But many don’t.

You complain about them not being reliable. But you love them anyway. To ease your life, just don’t take it personally or seriously. They are just like that.

You are lucky you don’t work with them.

So, be a good friend and tell them off. They need to hear it from someone. You can’t waste your time and be in their hands. Friendship is a relationship. If you break trust, it is hard to build it back.

Changing plans is like changing sweaty socks. It smells. They should know about that.

“I agree with you.”

One of my friends became anti-vaccination during the Covid pandemics peak. Everyone had some opinion about Covid. That’s ok. But he was obsessed with discrimination against people who were not vaccinated.

Fair enough. It was a difficult time. Yet, while he was complaining, he was seeking agreement. He was looking at you and searching for a nod of confirmation.

I didn’t want to agree or disagree. It was a private decision. Yet, he was driving me nuts. To escape his hamster wheel, I had to change the topic.

Don’t ask yourself if it is ok to disagree with your friends, it is ok.

You should not feel bad about having a different political opinion, different education, or ideas. You don’t have to be the same and agree with everything. If you were, you would be crazy.

Discussions can be heated. As long as you are nice to each other, there is no threat to friendship. Value the opinion of others. Good friends listen and don’t judge.

Boundaries make good friends

I mentioned at the beginning the boundaries. Every friendship has some, although you may not be aware of them. So, don’t go crazy because of your friends.

Talk to them. To whom else can you be honest than your friends?

They drive you crazy. You may drive them crazy too. But as long as you can talk about it. The world is turning and the Sun is shining. So, be a good friend and don’t hesitate to challenge them.

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