How to Be a Confident Badass Negotiator When You Are Incredibly Quiet & Reserved
Quiet folks can be devastating negotiators. You need to know what works for you.
I used to be shy like many others. I couldn’t bring myself to ask for an additional saucer of minced chili when I’m dying for more.
My behavior filtered into my initial side hustles.
I remembered my first freelancing gig.
Then, I pitched for a social media management project. The scope covers content creation, posting, follower engagement, and lead conversion. I was pumped.
Being young, the excitement of earning side income clouded my judgment.
Me: I will do this for you for $300 per month.
Prospect: Too expensive. $150 per month.
Me (without thinking): Okay.
I know you are shaking your head. My cheeks burn as I type too.
All I wanted was a deal when I first started.
That was 5 years ago.
Negotiation Starts from a Simple Conversation
It took me many years to learn to negotiate with ease.
I am afraid to play a game of negotiation ping-pong with my consulting prospects and clients. Here’s why.
- They may forsake me for a nearby 1-Man consultant competitor
- They may think I am trying to ask for more money
- They may find me difficult to work with
The keywords are they may.
This is self-sabotage at its maximum. Being reserved, the only conversation I had was with myself. It didn’t help that I am pessimistic.
The turning point came during a casual client conversation many years ago.
I was having a 30-minute coffee session with my counterpart one afternoon. We were chatting about cookies and cappuccino. The mood was light, so I floated the idea of a contract extension proposal.
Joe nodded his head and asked for a 30% discount.
I got annoyed in an instant.
Joe’s team consumes a boatload of my time compared to other clients, and his existing agreement stands at cost-plus. A 30% discount puts me in the deep red.
“Joe, I am sorry. This is an impossible deal. We can part ways if I am too expensive for you.”
He stared at me for a moment and said the following.
“Let us discuss. I want to continue working with you.”
Little did I know I was walking away from the negotiation table.
And there are more. Let me start with my favorite kickass technique.
Negotiation Technique 1: Make an Appeal to Equity When the Situation is Going Against You
When brokering a deal, the person on the offensive has the advantage. They have control of the negotiation because they’ve set the floor or ceiling of the deal.
- Negotiation Techniques for Entrepreneurs
Be on the offensive.
Now that is difficult for the shy and quiet.
This is the better approach.
Be on the counter-offensive. Here’s why.
Some clients are out to bait you. They will say anything to throw you off course. You know it when you start flashing the pricing offer slide.
“Why are your services so expensive? The person before you…”
This is the time to strike. Use all your mental strength to silence the opposition. Own the room.
“Sir, Sir, stop. Could you stop, please? Give me a chance to go through my service offer. The person before me had his chance. Be fair to me, will you?”
An Appeal to Equity is the appropriate technique for this circumstance. And it is a technique designed for the quiet ones.
You don’t need to strike first.
Instead, strike back.
Negotiation Technique 2: Silence is Your Weapon. Use It Wisely.
Quiet people think a lot.
It is like we are playing a game of chess in our heads as the negotiation conversation is happening. We are trying to ascertain the opponent’s next move. Or the next 5 moves.
What we want to do is project their next moves into our expectations.
If we expect them to do A, and they do A, rejoice. We win. We know how to deal with them.
I do this each time I am at the negotiation table. My word count drops to 0. My f-MRI scan will indicate that my brain is in hyper-overdrive.
Prospect: What do I get after paying $3,000 for a consulting engagement?
Me: (Silence + Thinking)
Prospect: Aldric, I am asking you a question. What do I get after spending $3,000 on you?
Me: I heard you. Just wondering. What are you expecting to get for $3,000?
Throw a question bomb. And then hop back to silent mode. Listen to their response.
This is the ideal situation.
Your prospect tells you 10 things. You can match all. Great. You can move forward.
And then, there is a stop-pause.
Your prospect demands 100 things. You cannot deliver 80 of them. You can choose to negotiate a down-offer, or walk away.
Stay silent. It is a powerful weapon. It sends a strong signal to your prospect that you are thinking.
Quiet + Active Listener + Thinking on our feet = Effective 1-Man consultant
Negotiation Technique 3: Walk Away as Soon as You Recognize a No Deal
Clarification.
You don’t have to actually walk away.
I cannot bring myself to do it. I find it rude.
But you can signal that you are going to walk away. Big difference there.
This is how you can get your actions to speak on your behalf.
- Put the pen down, close your journal
- Bring down the laptop screen
- Fiddle with your phone
- Pack your bags
You can do all of these in succession. Your prospects can read your body language. They know you are prepared to walk away.
Let them address the 800-pound gorilla in the room.
Prospect: Hey, Aldric. What are your thoughts on our counter?
Me: I don’t know. It seems like you have decided to go with a competitor.
Prospect: We are unless we can meet each other in between.
Me: I am willing to, but not at these terms. Shall we adjourn this meeting?
Prospect: Yes. Let’s schedule it for next week.
Life at the negotiation table doesn’t follow a linear narrative.
Staying at the table does not mean we will get a deal. Walking away, sometimes, can get us something in the future.
And walking away is something that any reserved one can do. It beats being emotional, argumentative, and fighting back on a lost cause.
Parting Keynotes
Quiet ones can be brilliant negotiators.
We need techniques that suit our personalities. I have 3 to offer you.
- Make an appeal to equity when the situation is going against you.
- Silence is your weapon. Use it wisely.
- Walk away as soon as you recognize a no-deal.
Use them to your benefit.
You will win better deals.
As a content contributor, I write my observations from daily life and my business exposure. Because our life experience is the bedrock of our unique perspectives.
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