How to Avoid Writing Email That You Regret Later

Please keep it simple and remove strong emotions from the email.

Have you ever wrote an angry email, clicked on the Send button, and immediately regretted the content! Did the reply to your response was even sharper than the original email?

If yes, then you know how difficult it is not to respond to an email that makes you mad, or which questions the content of your email.

Replying immediately with counterpoint or justifying our decision seems to be of utmost importance at that point. We even make sure that the other person gets a dose of harsh words thrown at them in our reply email.

We try very hard to offend the person in return. We expect that our strong response is somehow going to make the recipient feel equally bad as we are feeling due to their email.

At the same time, we expect them to understand and agree to the point made in the email.

I know, with enough experience, that this method of email response never works.

The recipient of our response is a human being as we are, and most likely, they are going to read the email with the same attitude as we did.

The recipient of our response is a human being as we are, and most likely, they are going to read the email with the same attitude as we did. Therefore, the result is a lot of strong words, and bad feelings get sent across the network. This makes both sides feel hurt and diverts the focus from the real subject matter of the email.

I have been guilty of writing such email responses, and it has never helped.

People take the words to heart and lose focus on the central purpose of the communication. If anything, it creates a chain of strongly worded emails with no one trying to resolve the primary concern discussed.

My manager assisted me in understanding the drawback of writing such emails. He sat down with me and provided examples from his experience. It helped me realize that I am losing a considerable amount of productivity by continuing on the email thread that seems to be going nowhere.

Once I understood the drawbacks, I started paying more attention to how I write my online correspondence.

With practice and experience, I have become more competent at handling difficult emails. My responses have become much more sensible.

Emails often fail to convey the feelings of the sender appropriately.

I have learned one thing with my nearly decade and a half years of work experience that is — emails often fail to convey the feelings of the sender appropriately.

Replying with sharp words and expecting the other side to understand our point of view is mostly counterproductive.

There are many effective ways to respond to difficult emails and avoid heartburn. Here are a few tried and tested methods that have worked for me for years.

1. Move the Email Out of Sight

To avoid getting into the vicious loop of strongly-worded communication, I remove the email from my inbox. I let it sit in a TODO folder in my outlook. That way, I don’t keep looking at it every time I look for new mails.

This method of moving the email out of sight helps to divert my attention and let me focus on my work.

After a few hours, I try to reread the email and see if it has the same hurting power as the first time. Usually, when I revisit the email after a few hours, the sharply worded content loses some of its influence on my mind.

I know the hurtful words are still there in the email. I try to ignore them. I go through the details with a new perspective, and this time I try to focus on the real subject matter.

Now that I have better control over my emotions, I start replying to the email — carefully avoiding any reaction to the original sender’s aggression. This helps me stay focused on the actual topic of the discussion.

I answer the email with factual detail without pouring sentiments into it. After I send the email, I feel better as I acted maturely and also stayed relevant to the topic.

I no longer respond to the aggression of the other side. That almost always stops the vicious cycle of strongly worded email.

2. Vent It Out but Don’t Send Until You Are Ready

There are times I cannot control my urge to respond to an email to justify my point immediately.

I feel like I have to make a statement quickly. At such points, instead of moving the mail to a TODO folder, I start typing the response instantly. I remove all recipients from the email to avoid sending it by accident.

The trick is, I never hit the Send button in the first go.

I let myself write whatever I want to write in the reply and vent it out — but, the trick is, I never hit the Send button in the first go.

My response sits in my draft folder. After a couple of hours, I revisit my draft and try to modify the content. I try and word them better to remove any hostile words out of it.

I still keep the email in my draft folder and not send it immediately.

I repeat the cycle of visiting the email draft and rewording my response until I feel there is no more emotional content in it.

Again after a couple of hours — I return to the draft, and I clean them up further this time. I repeat the cycle of visiting the email draft and rewording my response until I feel there is no more emotional content in it.

Once I feel comfortable with the content of the email, I finally hit Send.

3. Switch to a Call

There are times when how much ever I try; it seems like the conversation is going nowhere. The email keeps bouncing around without getting to any closure.

All my effort to conclude the discussion and come to an agreement seem to be bearing no fruit.

In such situations, I prefer to talk through the problem.

Set up a call or a face to face meeting among all the concerned individuals. Address the matter in real-time. Discussing the topic in a meeting has a much better possibility of the words getting translated correctly among all parties involved.

Calls have the advantage of immediate response from all involved participants. This saves a lot of time and avoids misinterpretation of the words in the written form of communication.

I can now instantly ask if something that I did not understand in the first attempt. There is no room for misunderstanding. The issue gets resolved faster.

Avoiding the written form of communication altogether and discussing the topic of contention over a call saves a lot of time and stress.

Above mentioned techniques are proven ways of cleaning up any emotion from email communication and help in focusing on the real matter of the conversation.

Every time I do it, I become a bit more efficient in handling conflicts, and that shows in all my future communications.

Let’s make the world a bit nicer and more comfortable for everybody by removing undesirable strong words from our communication. Trust me; it feels good after sending a mature response that helps you not lose your peace over an email.

It sure increases my productivity as I am not spending valuable time fretting over unnecessary strong words in the email. :)