How to Avoid One of the Biggest Reasons People Fail
We’ve all been guilty of this at some point
Over the past 24+ years of my career, I’ve observed a common thread in a large number of the failures people experience in their careers and life. Failure is frequently attributed to any number of factors, sometimes out of our control (e.g., the economy, a bad boss, bad timing), but frequently within our control (if we are being brutally honest with ourselves). When you dig down to the root cause underlying the more obvious symptoms of someone’s failure, it often boils down to:
They refuse to change
This manifests itself in one or more ways:
- Maintaining an inward focus
- Refusing to listen to advice
- Being unwilling to try something new
- Exhibiting a lack of humility
- Knowing that they already have all of the answers
- Believing that their situation is somehow unique
- Not embracing that one must be a lifelong learner
I’ve certainly been guilty of some of these sins at points in my life, and I paid the price. As a younger man, I was sure that I had all of the answers. As I grow older, it is becoming rapidly apparent that, actually, I hardly know anything. The enormity of what remains unlearned and unknown overwhelms me sometimes. But, I’m learning to make peace with that, although I won’t deny that it makes me sad.
Some of my happiest successes in my life have been the result of admitting that I needed advice and help. Risking my protective walls of confidence, I learned to say “I don’t know” or “I’ve never done that before, but I’m willing to try.”
“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” ― Leo Tolstoy
Failing because you’re 100% certain that the untested won’t work
Over the past 8 years, I’ve had some personal success with my health and fitness. It was a noticeable change. Over the years, I’ve had a few people reach out and ask me how I did it.
More than one person has asked about my fitness regimen, since I lost about 40 lbs after being sadly overweight when I was an exec at Yahoo. There was no magical silver bullet. Basically, I began exercising for about an hour every day, 5–6 days a week. I also changed how I eat, cutting out processed foods entirely (I’ll write a longer article on this someday soon, I promise).
This wasn’t a temporary fad diet or a 12-week fitness bootcamp that I did just to lose some weight. This was a permanent lifestyle change and I’ve maintained it for over 8 years. So, when I shared what I literally did and how I now live, the typical responses were:
- Oh… I could never do that.
- Give up my favorite foods forever? No, I just can’t.
- Lifting weights? Running? That sounds terrible.
I would ask if they were willing to at least try it for 2–3 months to see how they would feel. That’s usually how long it takes to get some real results. Almost always the answer would be “No.” They simply were not willing to try something new. They were unwilling to change.
Refusing to change their behavior or habits, yet somehow expecting that they could be magically transformed with some secret silver bullet solution. It doesn’t work that way. You have to be willing to try new things, test hypotheses, and gather data to help you make decisions about what needs to change in your life to get the results that you desire. If you never try and you refuse to change, you are guaranteed a 100% failure rate.
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. — Albert Einstein
Already having all of the answers
If you’ve been following me on Medium, you may have noticed a change in my writing over the past few weeks. I’ve been forcing myself to write and publish a new article every day of the work week, Monday through Friday. There’s a reason why people like Seth Godin write or blog every day.
I was also inspired by a number of other writers who referenced Jerry Seinfeld’s productivity tip “Don’t Break the Chain." I want to succeed in finishing my book and I know that failure is certain if I refuse to change my non-optimal writing habits.
As hard as it is to come up with new ideas and write something every single day, it does have a number of benefits. Of course, you do gain more readers and followers if you are consistently producing articles. But, more importantly, writing every day makes you more creative, observant, and thoughtful. Plus, you simply become a much better writer with so much daily practice.
When someone recently noticed that I was producing a lot more content lately, he asked me if I had any tips that I could share with him. So, I explained my process of constantly capturing fragments of ideas and concepts in Evernote anytime a thought struck me or when I was inspired by something I read. I described how I keep a big list of draft articles that I continually expand upon and refine, until one is ready to be fleshed out and completed for a given day. I also explained how I was using the Seinfeld method of writing every single day, tracking my progress, and the psychological benefit of not wanting to break the chain.
He responded, “Oh. Yeah, yeah. I already know all of that. I thought you could tell me something different.”
I said, “Oh, cool! So you’re already trying those techniques?”
“Oh, no. That stuff won’t work for me. I only want to produce quality articles, so I can’t publish something every day.”
Oh, I see. Ok then. Good luck with that.
It is impossible to change, and thus improve your chances of success, if you think you already have all of the answers. You’re really setting yourself up for failure if you think tried and true techniques simply don’t apply to you, because you’re unique. Yeah, why should any of us to listen to anything Jerry Seinfeld has to say? What has that guy accomplished anyway?
Quick condemnation of all that is not ours, of views with which we disagree, of ideas that do not attract us, is the sign of a narrow mind, of an uncultivated intelligence. Bigotry is always ignorant, and the wise boy, who will become the wise man, tries to understand and to see the truth in ideas with which he does not agree. — Annie Besant
Lifelong learning is the path to positive evolution and lasting change
The most successful people I know are the ones who are young at heart and open to new ideas. They know that to resist change is to ensure eventual failure. The people (and companies) who have failed are the ones who refuse to observe, listen, experiment, and evolve.
You do want to maintain an internal compass and source of evergreen truths. There are certain things that make you you, and you don’t want to blow with the wind and never stand for anything. Change just for the sake of change is just as ridiculous as refusing to ever learn or change. But, if you clearly are not succeeding with your current strategy and actions, then you had better open your mind and be willing to listen.
No one will promise you that every attempt will be successful. But, I can promise you that if you refuse to even try something new, your eventual failure is inevitable.
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