Seven Ways Towards Acceptance and Moving On

Once You Accomplish This Self-Victory, You Will Never Be the Same

“Turkan, you have changed.” said my friend the other day. I asked what she meant and she said now I can accept things as they are.

She was right. The difference is obvious when looking at me now and me a few years ago. “Well, I had to learn the hard way,” I said.

Indeed I did so. If I obtained this acceptance mode some years ago, I would not have wasted my years on something I could not accept instead of making excuses for myself and on behalf of the other person. Let me note one thing shortly. If someone does not appreciate your love and efforts, cannot take a step towards you, always comes with excuses, it is simply because they don’t want you enough. Or they just do not want you at all. Making stories and excuses in your head that they are busy, they are not ready for a relationship, they have insecurities, etc, are not your but their problem. It is better to accept this simple fact than draining your energy on making stories.

Or if I could detect and accept some of my setbacks in character and career-wise, I would be in a totally different position in life now. But if you ask me, do I regret anything? Hell no. Whatever experience I have been through has become a part of me now. I love, cherish, and accept every part of my life, I get the lessons and move on.

I know what you think- it is easy to spread advice. But I only share with you what I truly believe, my friend. It is not a piece of cliche advice. Lately, I took my time for a deep soul investigation. I thought, wrote, talked to my friends, and my therapist/couch and got my answers. The key point is to ask the right questions to yourself. I finally came to the point to see that self-revolution takes up the moment you start to accept whatever happened as it was and go with the flow. I will try to generalize what I realized out of my personal experiences to make it more applicable to everyone. Experience is the best teacher, but a good friend can save your time. You don’t have to go through pain to get certain answers :)

1- Be aware of where you focus your control. It is totally natural to feel angry, upset, and disappointed if someone turned you down in a relationship, or in work, even family relations. It is the most challenging period, that mainly lasts 2–4 weeks and your emotions take over. At this moment, you have to choose to control your focus: to put it on yourself or outside? You will choose the blaming game or accept the situation as it is? Remember, their most powerful tool is your attention. Do not feed them. Turn your focus on yourself instead- your own feelings, mental health, soul situation. Define how you feel: angry? upset? heartbroken? maybe careless? :) It will help you build your emotional awareness and self-control for the future. May a strong EQ be your weapon and shield.

2- Notice red flags and wake-up calls. If you notice a red flag, act beforehand before it is too late. Whether it is your partner behaving weirdly, or a problem at work, face it now. Let’s say, your partner is neglecting you lately. What you have to do is do not accept this behavior, show your character and say “ Honey, if we are not together in this, if we are not contributing equally, I am out”, before you see someone else in his profile photo.

If you skipped the red flags, an unpleasant experience is inevitable, and they are usually wakeup calls. Expected or not, pain teaches you. It is wiser not to avoid pain. Let it hurt you a bit so it can dig the treasures out of you. Once you hit the depth and then stand up, that feeling of being reborn, starting afresh and blossoming is your upgraded version on the game, congratulations.

3- Don’t swim against the tide.

Just like surfers do, go with the tide, not against it. Let the waves lift you up, not pull you down. Letting yourself go with the flow is a level of maturity. Once you reach that level, you will realize that the supposedly unpleasant experience is actually a gift from the universe. No, it is not about sitting passively, being mute and dumb towards life. It is being all awake, conscious, and courageous enough to accept whatever comes your way and act accordingly. Imagine the surfers’ movements… It is you dancing with the waves of life. The more you do not interrupt this natural process, the earlier your reward will land in your hands. Trust. You never know what is waiting for you on the other side of the coast. Maybe this current is taking you to the love of your life, or that dream job you always asked for?

“Do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know the side you are used to is better than the one to come?”― Rumi

4- Inside and out self-care — Taking your time and going slow always helps in any stressful situation. Pray or meditate. Look at the sky. I’m serious, whenever I’m in a deadlock or feel hopeless, that immense sky gives me some kind of relief, a sense of hope. Ask for the answers, show your trust in God or the universe. As mentioned before, focus your attention on yourself. Take care of yourself, take a warm bath or shower, use aroma oils, put a piece of calming music on, and relax. Or if you prefer being more active, work out, go shopping, spend quality time with your supportive community. All of these tricks are beneficial firstly for your body and then rest your mind, so you can look at things more rationally afterward.

5- Look back at the case. If you want, look back at that experience with a calm mind after some time. You will see totally different perspectives. You may even realize that if something did not work out, it is actually for your benefit. You will master forgiveness and peace. I do not mean getting stuck at a problem and analyze over and over again. I want you to see yourself how much you have changed and what lessons you took out of that certain case.

6- Look at your old photos. I have a strange method of self-motivation- I look at my old photos to see how far I have come. You may not notice the changes in you in daily life, but when looking back at a recent or long past to compare with now, you will definitely feel the difference. Bad memories will remind you of your strength and how you overcame it all. Good memories will remind you how youthful, strong, successful you are, you have all those accomplishments, your confidence should be over the roof right now! Try this method and thank me later.

7- Send the right message to the universe. Importantly, mind the frequencies you emit to the universe because it is all ears. You get what you ask. When you insistently interrupt the flow, unconsciously, you send this message to the universe: “I do not trust you and the things you offer me”. Therefore, master the art of letting go. Fixing things work until a certain point. If you tried at all and still failed, take it as an experience and leave it emotionally. End it in your mind. Let the universe surprise you with much better blessings. It will happen only if you let.

With love,

Turkan