How To Accept Failure

And use it to your advantage

How many times have you been dissapointed by a relationship that didn’t work out, an exam you failed at school, or perhaps was fired from your job? Were you overwhelmed by a sense of defeat, convinced you were a failure?

Yup, I’ve been there too. In fact I’ve experienced failure so many times over the years I’ve lost count.

But wait. What is failure, anyway? And why do we assume that because something failed, that becomes our identity?

Why do we take on such a self defeating belief, accepting the concept of being somehow faulty? What if it wasn’t you that was faulty, but the situation?

I flunked almost all of my classes in High School. My teachers ignored me as I sat in the back of classrooms humiliated by my stupidity. I had yet to learn I wasn’t stupid at all, but overwhelmed by an abusive life at home.

But by being convinced I was a failure, I chose employment I hated. Why bother do something I loved since I’d probably fail at it anyway?

Well, you guessed it, I failed at those jobs too. And if that wasn’t bad enough, I became so miserable I was convinced I’d never succeed at anything.

And when my first marriage failed, and then the next, my friends looked at me with pity. “Gee Barbara, I’m sorry they didn’t work out.”

My self defeating belief about my failures had become firmly entrenched. My failures had become me.

But being the slightly rebellious and introspective lady I am, I took time out to think. Wait a minute, I said to myself. So what if I’ve experienced so much failure? Who says this is all there is? Who says I can’t change?

So that’s exactly what I did, but it wasn’t what you might think. I couldn’t change what happened in the past, but I could change my perception.

And when I did, I realized something amazing. Each situation had not been failures, but opportunities to change. And not only change, but learn from each experience. And as I began to study each one I realized I hadn’t failed, each situation had failed me.

I began to understand the power of perception and how readily we define ourselves. We are not what happens to us in life, but an individual who experiences what happens.

And not only that, but we are not who others define us to be either.

So to me there is no such thing as failure, nor ever having been one. Life is not about success or failure but an adventure in which to learn.

So perhaps instead of imposing these limiting beliefs to yourself, you might consider this. The next time something doesn’t work out, it wasn’t a failure, but an opportunity to learn and change.