How This Pandemic Changed The Way I Think About Self-Awareness
What if we are looking at introspection in a completely wrong way?
I have dealt with self-doubt for the longest time I can think of. What about you?
I realized that these doubts occur because:
- I am not giving enough time to myself.
- I am dealing with introspection in a completely wrong way.
A creative prison that started taking its shape from March 2020 gave me the time to address both of the above questions. I jotted down a lot.
I know you might be thinking like duh! Who doesn’t give enough time to themselves?
Are you sure that you are spending enough time to reflect upon your life? I highly doubt so.
A 2014 study of 22 meta-analyses (containing over 357,000 people) found an average correlation of .29 between self-evaluations and objective assessments (a correlation of 1.0 would indicate total accuracy). And the correlation was even lower for work-related skills.
Dr. Tasha Eurich, in her book Insight, classified people based on Self- Awareness as:
So, which one are you? Spend some time reflecting upon it.
I know we rarely ask all these questions to us and the more we ask, the more depressing it gets.
What if we are asking and looking in the wrong direction? It’s not the inability to find answers but it’s the lack of pellucid intellect that keeps us far from framing the right questions.
Research suggests that when we see ourselves clearly, we are more confident and more creative. So why not spend some time framing the right questions.
“Self- Awareness” is not limited to knowing your strengths and weaknesses only. It’s much more than that.
Let’s discuss.
Asking “What” instead of “Why”
I am pretty sure that every one of us has thought of this “Fuck! Why me?”
I lost my job — “Why me?”
My partner is an asshole — “Why me?”
This phrase carries immense strength on its own that it’s hard not to have it in your mind. I am in full empathy with you here.
Good news: There is an alternative.
Bad news: You got to cultivate this alternative.
Replace “Why” with “What”!
I am doing photography for over 2 years now and I felt terrible after a year witnessing “work” way worst than mine, getting noticed (happens everywhere). What I did, I gave up photography. Yes, “Why me?”
I was also suffering from “Whataboutism”.
My work is bad but what about him. My writing is bad but what about him.
Perspective changed and I asked “What am I doing wrong?” and I wrote all the actions that I can take (knowing they are completely under my control) and took them.
Aha moment and consistency was the answer.
A lot of great things will happen if you start asking “What I can do?” instead of “Why me?”
“Why me?” isn’t going to take you anywhere so why waste time on it?
Dr. Tasha Eurich, in her TED Talk mentioned people who think “What can I do now” are more self aware.
Ok, I lost my job — “What can I do to get back on track?”
Next time, when you feel this way (Why me?). Calm yourself and make 2 columns in your head: “Why Me” V/s “What can I do now?”.
“I have been and still am a seeker, but I have ceased to question stars and books; I have begun to listen to the teaching my blood whispers to me.” ― Hermann Hesse
Sometimes, it’s the right lever that needs to be pulled.
There is darkness
When was the last time you looked deep inside your soul? If yes, what did you see? I can tell that I saw certain things that I didn’t like.
Should I keep suppressing them? Hell, no!
If you focus on feeding the ‘perfect’ part of you, you will inevitably fail.
Why am I not allowed to shout “ I am feeling envious?” Yes, I do. It’s a part of me but so does non-violence.
Just because I am feeling envious doesn’t mean I am going to jeopardize your career.
I know it can sound intimidating at first but you will have your answers by the time to reach to the end of this article.
Mark Manson in his book “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck” said:
“Getting angry is fine, punching someone in the face is not cool”
I know it’s rare to come across people who will look into your eyes and listen to that dark side of yours and accept it. The question that you need to ask yourself is — have you yourself accepted that darkness or a matter of fact, recognized it?
People who are self-aware, do recognize and accept their dark sides. They embrace their dark sides.
Carl Jung referred to these instincts, or dark sides of our personalities, as our shadow selves. You got to know these.
“Man is not what he thinks he is, he is what he hides.” ― André Malraux
I believe that the best of me will grow only when I am fully aware of this darkness.
Being an observer
Have you ever observed hunger? I guess it’s easy to tell when you are hungry, isn’t it?
Time for some doughnuts! Ma Mia, I feel satisfied.
Have you ever observed sadness? Doughnuts might help for some time.
“The ability to observe without evaluating is the highest form of intelligence .”
― Jiddu Krishnamurti
I used to be someone who can feel agitated in the evening even if I had solved the Israeli-Palestinian issue in the morning. Obviously it caused many arguments with people around me, specifically in my relationship.
Being an observer of my own emotions has helped me to find the root cause of those emotions and they lie in my childhood.
I can’t change my past. But……
I can observe the emotions that arise within me when I am put in any situation. They wither down the more I observe them.
Greed is a part of me.
Made 30% in a year on a stock, but my greed is telling me to wait till it gets to 40%. I observe that greed, I observe it like it’s a part of me. I am not suppressing it. I am not trying to detach it or run from it. I simply observe.
Ask yourself “is this emotion/thought/feeling serving me? Most of the time the answer will be NO.
More aware you are about the root cause of your emotions, less prone you are from creating a bad historical event or fucking it up.
You will fail at it as you fail in building optimism but again it’s all about cultivating & compounding.
If someone is doing it better than you then its probably because that person failed way more than you.
Observing your emotions when they arise, is one of the most difficult tasks one can indulge into but it’s worth every time I practice it.
Potholes of irritation
What you find most irritating in people?
Greed, selfish nature, or something less disturbing like preferring pineapple as a pizza topping.
But, why is that one particular thing bothering you so much? Does it say something about you?
Gary Zukav said that if your response to a minor irritant is out of proportion then you need to look way deeper and address some serious issues.
A few days back, I found myself complaining to someone about someone who lacks knowledge about political issues and objectify things for the sake of objectifying. Fuck, it’s so irritating I said to myself.
But why? Do I hold fear that my irritation will affect the people I love?
Reading Carl Jung these days immediately brought me to this:
“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”
I have two options here:
- I can keep complaining about how ignorant he is.
- I can take a step back and think about why his ignorance is irritating me.
We always need an outside view to criticize something.
The only reason I find him irritating is that I personally always avoid objectifying things for the sake of objectifying. Almost.
Recognizing habits/activities of others that irritate you helps you to understand yourself better.
I am not a fan of taking a shower twice.
My flatmate finds it irritating not because I stink but because he is self-aware about the value that he holds about “better” hygiene.
This whole thing can work in the opposite direction as well. Notice when someone is getting irritated by you. Fuck it if it’s a stupid thing.
Next time when you feel irritated, use that opportunity to jot down what exactly made you irritated about that event.
No one is fucking perfect, including “Grammarly”. It’s all about evolving with each passing day to know what your secret sauce is.
It’s the absence of the right environment around us that keeps us far from framing the right questions.
We need to form that environment.
Summary
- Always ask “What” instead of “Why” — What can I do to make my writing better rather “Why” am I the only one not finding success.
- There is darkness — First confront the darkness that sits inside you before criticizing someone.
- Being an observer — Only ritual you need.
- Potholes of irritation — There is something about getting irritated that puts a smile on my face.
“To say “I love you” one must know first how to say the “I”. ― Ayn Rand