LIFE EXPERIENCE/ All’s Well

How the Power of Gratitude Changes the Present

How it helped me overcome eleven years of suffering at work

Suffering at work is a global problem. It varies from country to country and from company to company. Unfortunately, when proper support is not offered to staff to assist with building relationships at work where there are barriers, a vicious circle and blame culture can develop, leaving staff with unhappiness that they bring home with them, and that affects everyone they come into contact with.

Here’s how I managed to bear a long period of suffering at work and developed strategies to get over it.

Suffering

When I entered working life, I immediately had to manage a team. Most of the team members were more than forty-five years old.

Like many young people coming to work for the first time, I was enthusiastic and hard-working.

Unfortunately, there was no kindness, no confidence. Most employees were bitter due to a lack of recognition and the changes the company was undergoing without them having any say in the matter.

I could see areas where the staff were suffering, but I found it difficult to lead them out of problems when they appeared rigid in their behavior and unwilling to accept change. I could not blame them but was only saddened to see the impact of their behavior on young people and the company in general.

One day, I heard an employee saying to another one:

“It’s normal to make him suffer: he is my boss, and a boss must suffer.”

His comment struck me deeply. It was hard to see some employees trying to embarrass youngsters or hiding knowledge. It was something I could not understand.

I knew it would not be easy to work with older people, especially when you are a manager, but I thought being kind and respectful would help me. Instead, the staff appeared to take my benevolent attitude as naivety. As I was motivated by a sincere wish to do the right thing rather than a desire to manipulate, some employees took advantage of my empathy, complaining to obtain action from me on their behalf.

The saddest thing was that even the youngest employees fell into their trap and gradually began to act the same way.

I didn’t dare to quit when I should have.

My family didn’t help me either:

“You’ve got a permanent job and a good position, what more do you want?”

I just wanted to live the life I wanted, in an atmosphere of harmony and grace, and forge strong bonds with people.

Gratitude

At that time, I had the will to go and live abroad, but my husband loved his job and preferred to stay in France.

As I often went to bookshops, I saw once a book that struck me. It was entitled “3 kifs par jour” which can translated into “3 likes per day”. In this book, the author, Florence Servan-Schreiber, shares her experiences and the teachings of positive psychology. She invites the reader to write every day three moments of the day where he/she could say: “It’s my jam!”.

A kind of gratitude journal, but with only three words or sentences.

I did so. In the beginning, it was hard. I forced myself to remember the slightest moment of well-being, such as feeling the softness of the air or listening to birds singing.

Fortunately, my husband supported me and encouraged me not to forget to write every day.

At the end of the first month of gratitude, I could see how my ability to thank had progressed. I’ve gone from singing like a bird to cheering on a colleague despite his vindictive behavior.

I also read that smiling gives happiness information to the brain, and makes it produce back “feel-good hormones” to make you happier.

As I had a fifteen-minute walk from the train station to work, I got used to smiling every morning and evening on the way there and back.

I must have looked stupid with that frozen smile! Fortunately, only a few people followed this path, and I didn’t run into anyone.

Keeping to writing good memories of the day and smiling during the walk was my lifeline. It helped me to take a step back and see things differently.

As I took the habit of daily thanking whatever the events, good or bad, my courage to leave the company filled me with so much joy that I could face up to all the negative remarks about this decision.

Keeping a gratitude diary enabled me to develop my gratitude skills and made me stronger. I can see today the benefits of it.

Using this book to help me work on the relationships with my colleagues gave me what I see as meditation skills that make it easier to get through difficult times at work.