How The Age Of Technology Is Killing Our Sexual Drive

Summary

The article discusses how modern technology, including pornography, social media, and sex toys, can negatively impact sexual drive and relationships by creating unrealistic expectations and disconnecting partners from authentic sexual experiences.

Abstract

The author reflects on the contrast between realistic sexual expectations and the often-unattainable standards set by technology and media. They describe a personal experience of comparing their intimate moments to exaggerated pornographic scenes, leading to a desire for fantastical sexual feats that are disconnected from reality. The article highlights the negative effects of pornography, which has evolved to portray unrealistic bodies and scenarios, causing partners to expect the same in their personal lives. Social media exacerbates this issue by presenting idealized bodies and beauty standards that can erode self-esteem and sexual confidence. Additionally, the use of sex toys that offer intense sensations can desensitize individuals to the natural pleasures of sex. The author suggests that to combat these issues, couples should disconnect from technology and reconnect with each other on a more authentic level, focusing on the beauty of natural human interaction and intimacy.

Opinions

Pornography sets unrealistic standards for sexual performance and physical appearance, leading to dissatisfaction and relationship issues.
Social media contributes to unrealistic beauty standards, fostering insecurities that can hinder sexual confidence and enjoyment.
Sex toys, while enjoyable, can create a dependency on intense stimulation, making it difficult to appreciate the sensations of conventional sex.
Taking a break from technology and engaging in device-free intimate time can help couples rediscover and enjoy the raw, unaltered aspects of their sexual relationship.
The author emphasizes the importance of understanding and accepting the natural human body and its responses during sex, rather than striving for an idealized version promoted by technology and media.

Sometimes, going back to the basics is what needs to be done

Photo made by the author on Canva

I watched their bodies dance in unison to the sound of 90s R&B while they furrowed and molded into a mound of human ecstasy. That, that is what I want! Cat-like movements, glistening abs, and orgasms that vibrate the room. I shut my laptop and walked into my room, and glanced over at my boyfriend, who clearly defined the opposite of what I just watched. Don’t get me wrong; we have insane sex, quality, and quantity. But, I sometimes find myself asking unrealistic questions.

Can you hold me in the air longer? Hey, I saw this one thing where the guy performed oral underwater! Do you want to try? Sometimes, my expectations with sex wander from reality to fantasy. My boyfriend as well has unintentionally made things awkward by trying to extend my limbs like a bendy straw after seeing it done in porn. Yeah, I’m 5”6 and 125lbs, but I don’t work out, and the sound of my popping knees proves that! Our fascination with the sexual growth and glamour in this day-n-age has caused relationship issues on both ends.

The negative effects porn

Pornography made its debut in the roaring 20s, but it wasn’t modified and doused in glitter and ejaculation until much later. Porn in the 20s was natural, kinky at times, but you could see the stretch marks, the sweating; you knew there were two genuine and very horny people on screen. Now? Now, porn breathes false advertising. No human butthole is that pink; how in God’s name is her hair so perfect after being banged by six men? Because it’s all fabrications created to satisfy our fantasies. Unrealistic and destructive. I love porn; I enjoy watching it with my partner; we both understand that I am not able to sit on a street cone, and he can’t not sweat.

This isn’t always the case; some men and women expect their partners to look the part and act the role they see on screen. It has been responsible for breakups across the globe because of these expectations. Most people don’t realize how altered these flicks are. Did you know pornstars can film for an entire day? They stop in the middle of sex for hair and makeup, lunch breaks, Viagra shots, etc. You can’t expect a woman or man to operate in that manner all the time.

The negative effects of media

Media, to me, has caused me tremendous upheaval in the bedroom. I am always on social media scanning through these flawless looking woman who looks like they are made of sugar and sex. Who the shit naturally has shiny gold limbs and red locks that have the volume of a metal concert?! When my partner shows me celebrities that he thinks are attractive, the first thing I do is wish I looked like them. My partner loves me and my body, but I want to be this angelic lie on his phone screen. Likewise for him, when I show him videos of male models who look like they stepped out of a Troy movie, I’ll notice his hand brush past his pizza induced love handles. And these insecurities travel into the bedroom. So many people have sex partially clothed, lights out, etc. Where did these insecurities come from?

Ever since society deemed what beautiful was, it has been shoved down our throats on what the standard is for attractiveness. Is she a ten? Blonde, blue eyes, big tits? No? Then she’s not top-notch. Is he ripped with golden skin and a ten-inch penis? No? Then girl! You can do better! It’s sad. Sex can be distorted dramatically based on opinions, misconceptions, and self-confidence issues because of social media.

The negative effects of toys

It was 2012, and I bought my first rabbit. A vibrating, gyrating, clit stimulating magic wand. How on earth could I expect a penis to do the robot inside of me after that!? Not only the vibrator, but when I used anal beads for the first time, I was tempted to wear them as pearls because I loved them so much! The reason why toys can be poisonous in your sex life is that they take away from the natural sensation. Toys vibrate, lube, tickle, and penetrate in ways a penis can’t. I love toys, but sometimes I get numb to the unique feeling that isn’t encompassed in everyday sex.

Power down and re-connect

We need to take a step back sometimes and power down from technology regarding sexual desires. Pay attention to each other’s bodies, feelings, and remember to experience each other. My partner and I took a week and rented a hotel in the middle of the hills, with no cell phones, no television, no toys. We just existed with each other.

The first day was challenging; we argued, we were bored, it’s like we forgot how to exist together sexually. How do we have sex without music or fancy toys? What about watching porn together? All it took was a beer or two and rain. We sat on the porch and started to talk about the beauty of our surroundings. I looked at him and noticed him eying me; I felt sexy, naturally sexy. I didn’t feel like I had to put on a show. The sex that night was insane. We marveled at each other without any distraction, and we remembered how good it felt to have raw, unaltered sex. All it took was a well-deserved reminder of how much we enjoyed each other’s bodies.