How that Beautiful Office Romance Was Also a Clear Case of Sexual Harassment
And no one dares talk about it
We know it happens. We’ve heard the rumors that the boss is dating an employee. Oh my.
It’s not as taboo as you may think
I read in Dr. Warren Farrell’s The Myth of Male Power that 60% of marriages start as a romance in the workplace, and out of those marriages, 80% of them involve a boss marrying a supervised employee.
Employees learn from bosses
Of course, every good employee wants to feel special and appreciated. Only a perfect boss knows how to skirt the line between giving a compliment and crossing the line with an attractive employee to where it would not be considered sexual harassment.
There are no perfect bosses
Add to the mix that men are typically thought of as the initiators when it comes to seeking a female partner, and how men are predominantly in positions of power in the workplace — and here’s what I say to men:
There’s no sense in being a supervisor unless you want to be confused with life. Here’s your job as a boss: You need to oversee people to make sure they do their jobs. So you delegate tasks to them. If they do the tasks according to expectation, you say nothing. They go above and beyond, and you give them praise, and note it on their performance review, which only happens once a year. So take the best snapshot you can my friend, because it’s going to represent all the work that the employee has done in a year, summarized down to something like — ranging from 1 to 5, with 5 being always and 1 being never, how well would you say this employee listens?
The boss knows it is unrealistic that this survey would highlight the unique abilities of this employee, and so that’s why there is a comments section below, in which a boss can say one or two sentences about the employee, which the employee reads right then and there, and signs with the boss. So to avoid all the awkwardness, the two of them pretend this annual review is normal, and go on their way.
Speaking of pretending things are normal — these two could also be thinking about how last weekend they had sex multiple times and said they loved one another at various points throughout this romantic weekend. And so this energy gets reflected in the employee’s performance review, one way or another. This is why I don’t understand why anyone would ever wish to be a boss. There are undercurrents everywhere, and they cause earthquakes to the heart every day you have to be exposed to this type of thing when you choose to have romance in the workplace.
Is it worth it?
I only once dated a woman I worked with. She was Canadian. Everyone should understand that she was nicer than most other people on the planet. The moment the Canadian and I started dating, I left the place where we were working. I was a supervisor at the time, and this adds unnecessary, uninvited variables to a budding relationship. Imagine if you’re just trying to figure out if you like someone or not. Like really trying to determine if you can be with this person for the long haul. And all of this is met with an undercurrent of work life. Some dig all of this. Some love the drama, and to each their own. I want to see folks figure out how to be healthy couples. I believe the odds are against you if you start in an office unless that office is all about being as transparent as I am, realizing policy on dating is bullshit unless everyone starts acting like adults. Even then, people will date. Open and transparent communication with checks and balances is most important. So if the boss says to the employee something like —
“Listen, if this were any other workplace I wouldn’t say this. But because we all take responsibility for ourselves here, I can tell you that I think you are attractive. This may blow my chances of us having a professional relationship from now on, but I am willing to take those chances because you’re beautiful. And I’ve been planning on leaving this place for a while now anyway. So let’s say I leave, and you decide to take this to HR, I’m getting off the hook. At that point, you’d be complaining about me telling you that I think you are attractive and that holds no merit with HR.” The boss said.
The employee takes a long pause and looks up at the boss — “The problem I have with all of this has nothing to do with me being your employee. It has to do with the fact that you are placing yourself in a position of power to feel justified in letting me know something that is completely unrelated to work, and quite frankly, inappropriate. You haven’t asked me if I am here to demonstrate my skills as an employee, or if I plan to fuck my way to the top, and if you had asked me this earlier, as blunt as I’m saying it, I would have determined you to be a boss with a pair of balls, but you’re not. You’re playing it safe. If I were to date someone like you in this line of work, it would be to climb and leave you for someone more powerful later on. Someone more emotionally intelligent. Someone with tact. That said, I don’t give a damn if you stay or go, because I don’t want to climb you. I wish to be seen for the skills I have, not this set of tits and ass I have attached to me, which are transitory — so enjoy them while they stand in perfect order. I wear tight clothes and I love feeling sexy all day — especially knowing every single man wants me, and every single woman wants to hate me, but they can’t. Beauty is like LOVE you see, it permeates even the most rational mind. I get up close, like this, and there is nothing you can do. And I haven’t even revved my engines. I know you will look, as every man does. I understand the allure of the Golden Mean — you think I’m just some bimbo, I can see it in your eyes — you are the type of man that I laugh at in secret with the Kybalion in my hands. Because I know if you knew what I was laughing at, we would be laughing together. You’re thinking about sleeping with women you supervise. You’re not here to serve anyone, and it’s your job to serve. I can read right through you and learn enough in a day’s questioning in the break room that you’ve fucked a number of women here, and you have a history of hopping from place to place. I can’t believe this has worked for you. You’ve even managed to start families in two different states. You have been hard at work, haven’t you, boss?” The employee said.
I spent 20 years working predominantly with women, and I am still lost
I wouldn’t presume to understand the surface of women. Instead, I listen. That’s what I do, and it keeps me (relatively) out of trouble.
There was a time when I found myself opening up this old heart of mine, early on in an office job, thinking it was good and right to trust others, and that backfired.
It’s all hazing.
That’s what bullying in the workplace is. Doesn’t make it right. I don’t endorse or condone it. I mean, at the end of the day, human beings are territorial. And fairly jealous. And vindictive. Off the wall nuts at times. And pretty rotten to the core if left unchecked. Folks don’t want free thinkers coming in and disrupting a place that has apparent order. Granted, it may not be the best workplace for everyone, but it’s good enough for a 40-year sentence to be served.
No one can work on one thing for more than five hours a day
This is why I don’t work in an office, and never will. People start getting curious and start asking questions to stir shit up. Can’t ever bring myself to that point because I know in a way, it’s a slow form of killing self. It’s an excuse to live as a zombie for the sake of getting away with it, and I think that’s lame. Any business that expects employees to focus on menial tasks for 8+ hours a day has zero understanding of the human condition. Humans, if forced to stay on task for extended periods, will start to wander, and get in trouble. This type of slave-labor is an old, antiquated system that still applies only because people are afraid of losing their jobs. So they do it, and lose their minds in the process. They have to perform insane duties, or get fired. Fortunately nowadays, in occidental society for the most part — job security exists (though it is fairly non-existent in Mexico if we’re talking about Mexican employers), and so people who work ridiculous hours have no problem bending or breaking the rules at work. Some may find it thrilling. As it’s been nearly 40 years serving the public sector.
Then again, some people just love to work all the time
I for one love writing and can write for hours and be content with it, and then feel like I want to write more, and go on and do this again, all day, with little to no breaks, depending on my level of obsession over story. Very few people find this type of calling with their work, where they are this engaged and happy. Most have to construct this job for themselves. That is the hard part. It requires multiple leaps of faith. So, when it comes to your purpose, falling in love with a like-minded person is beautiful. I want that for everyone. It requires two people who immensely enjoy their work to collaborate. In that case, you will usually go out on your own and take a risk with a business together.
If an employer makes people work for very long hours, people are going to start doing private things at work
Are you following me? People get horny at work because they are always at work. There are pheromones everywhere, and biological cycles to contend with, which means employees are searching for viable life partners all the time. They spend 1/3 of their lives in this damn office. Chances are they will settle down with someone who is in support of the place. No better person than someone who works with you. So who cares if they are your boss. Right?
Aspiring men refer the most beautiful women to successful men
I can only speak on behalf of what I’ve observed as a man, that the most beautiful, successful, and intelligent women are drawn to men that other men refer to as their leader, or inspiration. I’ve seen this happen to men who are obsessed with work. They become leaders naturally and tend to attract attractive partners that are referred to them by business partners. Women that may even seem out of a man’s league in the looks department stay true to successful men.
All of this is to say, the most attractive women usually end up with men who are in positions of power, authority, or have reached a certain pinnacle of success where it could never be denied, or taken away from him.
That sounds like objectification of men, does it not? Who cares. Men can take it. They play the game. And so do women. Men know what they are getting themselves into by dating. There will be a few potential partners that will believe in a man’s dreams if they are written on a paper napkin, and only a few. For many beautiful women who have been burned, there are few chances left where she is going to believe in a man — so you better give this your all. Anytime you decide to fall in love. Keep it sacred. And keep it secret for as long as you can if it must be a work romance.
That said, if you’re working in the same building, it’s a powder keg ready to go off until you get hitched
For some, getting married is a strategic move. And this is why marriage is common with folks in the workplace. It happens quickly to where in many cases, some employees working in the same office didn’t even know the two of you were dating.
Oh, by the way, getting married also helps with social climbing. Let’s not omit the power of nepotism. Better to strike while the iron is hot, and set up your empire right away. Get married fast, and surprise everyone by showing a bump at work. Then start wearing wedding rings. Talk about the elopement. It could work in your favor if you play your cards right. Shock and awe.
Is this all taboo?
Are we not talking about life? I’m sure this happens everywhere. And it wouldn’t be so strange if people just started talking about it. Attraction between people exists for the sake of continuing the species. We can’t erase that. Couldn’t even accomplish that in 1984. We all agree with this, right? Okay, and so if you are attracted to someone, and you keep seeing them every day, and you go out regularly for work engagements, well, eventually when the two of you find a moment together you’re going to reveal some truths. Someone gets talking, and who knows who says what first, but it ends with the two of you kissing.
Now I know it’s strange to think of life as some sick Truman Show opera. But you cannot deny the fact that someone always sees this kiss happen. Someone from afar, just happened to be passing by, whatever it was, tried to pretend like the kiss didn’t happen, and then someone else sees it on the security camera, who the hell knows who sees it, but the beans got spilled the moment your lips touched. And this is why —
According to workplace policy, interoffice romance is strongly discouraged
Regardless of who is at fault for this kiss — policy in most workplaces strongly discourages bosses to date employees. And that means no hooking up, either. And unless you want to be known as the office slut, you better marry the first man you sleep with.
Yes, folks, such policy is being delivered by bosses who are married to employees. I’m not saying this to be offensive. Let’s just observe human behavior. I’m saying this so we can all have a better picture of how well this policy is followed.
In every one of these situations, an employee could technically file a case of sexual harassment against one’s boss and win
I’m not here to feed anyone ideas. The rule always applies: you reap what you sow. Like attracts like. So we should all try to live and let live. That said, if this were to come down to a full-blown investigation, we all know the employee would win by a landslide and likely get a fat settlement out of court. To avoid getting this on national news and in front of a jury.
The way I see it, in this particular case, the employee is in a major position of power over said boss.
One of the many reasons to never be in charge of employees. At this point in the game, the employee can claim anything at all. The boss will want the employee to be quiet, as it has been determined that the employee could not be trusted with a secret that could now cost the boss his job. And of course, all of this is going on like a soap opera now, as most of the employees know about the kiss. And so everyone naturally knows there will be a settlement out of court.
Most people don’t like to let go of the past
It could be as simple as they slipped on the way to work. A disgruntled employee can reverberate this one fucking moment throughout the entire week. To where everyone is hoping the employee will stop talking about it, except for the trolls that egg the disgruntled employee on, to say even more about it, as everyone thinks it’s ridiculous that there is nothing more important to talk about than ‘how you almost slipped’.
How about almost breathing? I hear a true breath is one felt in the present moment. What do I know? It could just be spiritual garbage I read.
Why not make a workplace into a place where people take responsibility for their lives?
That’s not a fair thing to say. I know. That’s why I don’t work in an office. No one would ever want me there. I would be called to HR for insubordination if I were to place any bets. I used to play the rat race, but not anymore. It is a choice I make. Offices are fun, but only in small doses.
What I do now is I write fiction, and I take responsibility for the fiction. I do my best to edit the digital stuff. I wish for things to look, read and feel good.
Speaking of feeling good —
No better place than home office, am I right?
Sky rockets in flight.
Don’t ever wear a bad feeling for too long
Be a fool. Find humor in the absurd. Wear love all the time, on your face. Like fireworks. Do it behind your mask, for all to see and feel your smile, and let the world think what it wants.
Love works wonders when you need to bring peace into your life
It can be swiftly procured and managed. Just allow yourself the humility to be comforted in a moment when the entire world thinks you should suffer. Find solace in your heart in these moments, as the rest dissipates. Old ripples. They cannot return. So the feelings will never be as hard as they were when the bottom dropped out on you. Those days are done. A loving mind is well-equipped to mend. It starts with self. Then it naturally extends outward to others. Love is integrated in all creation, and therefore love is an integral part of our human experience. Love is the only feeling that remains consistently accessible, anytime we seek instantaneous relief. It is the omnipresent, omnipotent sanctuary, that is always open, where we are always welcome.
A loving thought is a thought worth entertaining
It has been tense for so damn long that people have forgotten how to love. To where if I don’t write that the link I just posted is an affiliate link and may lead to me getting compensated if you click and purchase the book, I get slapped on the wrist. So I read this headline that says I should never wear a bad feeling for too long, and I’m sorry if I disappoint you, alright?
I may just be in a bad place right now, and I’m not so enlightened as you that I see the error of my ways right away — I feel in fact a bit raw about everything that has befallen me recently — but all the same — I shall cope much better without someone reminding me of how I need to love myself more.
“And how did getting all of this out, make you feel?”
“I feel pretty damn good now that I think about it.”
“Good.”
“How did you do that?”
“I looked at you while you were saying all of these things and reminded myself I am love. And once I centered with that, I was able to listen really carefully for the large majority of the time you talked, which is unusual for me, for which I am grateful. That said, I understand that I don’t always anticipate the needs of others as much as I should. You could say I am selfish. Room for improvement exists. And it is because this is the start of a very large wave, one that requires a lot of potential energy in the beginning, so rest assured that when I am not writing, or sharing information, I am resting. And speaking of rest, you will find yourself right now, drifting off into a similar relaxed state, where you know you have always had access to this place, except now you are allowing yourself the feeling of sanctuary, in the bed of love that is reserved for you in the way you imagined it from the vantage of your highest-good, such dreams arrive without interference or any opinion on the matter — you are here to relax, recover, and receive. And so when I start my counting to ten, over the next minute or so, I want you think about how your life has become your life now, and how you are now in charge of it. You will never relinquish an iota of power to anything outside of you. No one’s screams for attention, no one’s apparent hate, no one’s projections will hold any space with you, not any longer. Fear passes through you, which serves as your true strength. I see all of these transformations happening within you in the moments I offer you love, while listening to your needs, and I cannot believe what I am seeing. It makes me feel so much joy, that all I must do is concentrate on the true greatness of who you are, and I start to see immediate change.”
“This constructs the way it is now — it wasn’t here before we started talking.”
“And how do you explain that?”
“This is what I needed in order to pay the rent.”
“I am glad you have what you need now.”
“Please explain to me what just happened.”
“What’s more important — how this happened? Or the fact that it happened at all?”
“Just tell me if there can be a replay so I can see what happened exactly.”
“No. That’s not how this game works.”
“Then hand me your controller.”
“You have a controller of your own.”
“But yours looks like more fun than mine.”
“Don’t even think about it. You put your hands on my chosen thoughts and they will swallow you into only one way of thinking, and this will reorganize your chaotic mind without your consent. This is not a comfortable process. It is not a game in the way you think of it.”
“Then what is it?”
“The Merkabah? It’s an old language. But it’s a new one for me. One that the universe wishes to learn with me. You start by teaching the universe what you want, while it learns the subtleties of manifestation between you. To where the universe can in fact become your most loyal companion. I have seen this happen with a few that speak this language very well. They are blissed out all the time, and come from a number of different locations around the world from varying disciplines, but they all use this common language.”
“So how do you explain this interaction between us right now?”
“We obviously have things to figure out or else it wouldn’t feel as bad as it does. Want to work with me on this?”
“What do I have to do?”
“Admit any feeling you have right now that is truthful about yourself.”
“I want to write on the typewriter instead of the computer.”
“That is something you want to do. Tell me something truthful about yourself from the depths of your soul, and really mean it.”
“For a long time, I honestly believed that I was just a character in a game that went around in circles endlessly until the end, like a person stuck on a ride that was spinning too fast to ever gain the courage to jump off. And then someone pushed me, and I went tumbling.
That’s where my life begins.
I am protective of myself. I question things. When I’m told my thoughts create my reality, I want proof. I want to put theories into practice, as this just seems too good to be true. Show me proof. I want to see it.”
“Go to the typewriter and write the things that come to you that evoke an emotion, and you will understand the magic that exists here. And you won’t question me ever again. For this, I am about to show you will have defied space and time to where you know there can be no questioning it now. Or just forget that you saw anything and go on your merry way, trolling me until the end of time. So long as you don’t quit, I’m alright with that. I’ll consider it a noble effort, eventually.”
