SEXUALITY

How Testosterone Changed Orgasms and Sex for Me

Are orgasms more intense on Testosterone?

CW: Description of orgasms without any reference to gendered anatomy, though genitals are mentioned in a gender neutral way; masturbation is discussed; personal reflections on possible sexual definitions of masculinity

Prior to beginning Testosterone, I had the ability to have 10+ orgasms at one time without difficulty. It hadn’t occurred to me to gender this experience, as my social transition began. If anything, I had considered my experience of orgasms and sex throughout my life to be almost stereotypically masculine by my private definition. I saw masculine sexuality to be about self sufficiency, free experimentation, and lack of sexual shame.

I know this isn’t a universal masculine experience, but rather a very personal one. In fact, many of the masculine people I’ve been close enough to have a discussion about this with have confessed to experiencing a great deal of sexual shame, especially around masturbation. Most cited a religion as being the source of this sense of shame.

Are orgasms more intense on Testosterone?

Almost immediately after beginning Testosterone, I noticed that it was no longer possible to have more than 2 orgasms at a time. The first orgasm would be more intense than anything I’d ever experienced before beginning my medical transition. It was always genital-centric in sensation, despite causing involuntary muscle spasms all over my body. This felt masculine in a way that was very new to me.

I don’t know if this meant that orgasms produced by the path to hormonal Testosterone dominance are more intense or if it was the affirmation of my gender that caused this, but this kind of orgasm was a very new experience for me. The second one would be a full body orgasm that, for the first time in my life, made me feel extremely uncomfortable. It felt feminine, like my own body was misgendering me. The sensations were more tingly and subtle, centering around the skin all over the body, with less muscle spasms. It was a surface level orgasm, skin-deep and without so much of a time limit as its masculine counterpart.

I think it was the stark comparison between the two experiences that caused me to gender them in this way. This produced a kind of emotional block for me regarding those second orgasms that I perceived as feminine. As I was experiencing constant misgendering in my day-to-day life at the time, I felt a profound discomfort with my feminine side. These second orgasms immediately caused me to lose my headspace and feel out of sorts emotionally.

Can having orgasms be an act of self care?

Meanwhile, my need for orgasms shot through the roof because of this new medicine! Prior to taking Testosterone, I usually felt the desire to experience an orgasm maybe 3 times a week, unless I was experiencing a deep emotional/sexual connection to someone(s) that upped my libido for a while.

There was very little sense of need before; it was more a desire that I could summon almost at will or an unexpected treat that was a potential bonding experience. I could have as many or as few orgasms as I wanted, having several in one session or going a month without any, as was convenient to my mood. After starting my medical transition, I immediately began to need to have an orgasm once a day like clockwork. Finding time for masturbation no longer felt optional or like a treat. It was just another thing to make regular time for as self care.

Prior to medically transitioning, there was no set schedule for orgasms. I didn’t have a preference for masturbation or sex in the morning or evening. On Testosterone, I always wake up in the morning with an urge that is much more like taking care of a basic daily need than a particular desire. Sexual interest outside of that is a separate thing, like a dessert instead of a required meal. Sex with others isn’t necessary. Orgasmic self sufficiency is a basic requirement for me now.

I’m not sure when exactly it happened, but after a while on Testosterone, my ability to have that second orgasm in a row ceased completely. It probably started from lack of effort, as the full body orgasms produced discomfort. At some point, old techniques for producing multiple orgasms simply stopped working. That said, the intensity of these singular orgasms has only increased over time, causing some overwhelming experiences that were totally new to me. The sensations have changed, as have the techniques that get me off. I now need to use techniques that feel masculine to me by my private definitions of this.

Over time, I also noticed that sensations strengthened and weakened in different parts of my body. Erogenous zones changed and shifted. This was disconcerting, as I was used to knowing where on my body to touch. I’ve had to relearn all of this from scratch.

Do I miss being multi-orgasmic?

Honestly, no. The orgasms that I have had while medically transitioning better fit my current experience of gender. I hope to someday make a little more peace with my feminine side, which might bring back some of that feminine sexual experience in a more positive way. I think that requires me to see myself and be seen more consistently as having a masculine kind of femininity that is an important part of my non-binary experience as a trans man.

I do miss having more control over when I’m interested in orgasming though. Needing to masturbate so frequently can get a bit mundane, sometimes even feeling like a bit of a chore to make time for. Also, there were physical changes that caused me to have to learn completely different techniques for pleasuring myself. That learning curve was very time consuming.

Sex with other partners while on Testosterone

Since beginning my social transition, I’ve found it very difficult to feel comfortable involving my genitals directly in sex with a partner. I hope this changes at some point, but as a demisexual, it doesn’t cause me any particular distress. I have also noticed that I find much more pleasure in the act or idea of touching and pleasuring than being touched and pleasured at this point, at least when others are involved.

Given this change in experience, some of the “genital preference” conversations I’ve had with others have felt very uncomfortable. There’s usually an assumption that, if our interaction became sexual, this must somehow involve my genitals. I have my own preferences involving this. As a trans person, I don’t necessarily follow the same formulas that cis people consider to be part of their basic definitions for sexual encounters.

I can’t speak for all trans people on genital preferences. Some of us want to have sex that involves our genitals in any number of possible ways. Others of us don’t. Some of us have found metaphors for genitals in other body parts that create affirming sexual pleasure for us. All of this can also change over time. I just think it’s important to keep an open mind to the possibility that we may have different scripts for what a sexual encounter looks like. We might also be in the process of writing or rewriting those scripts as we make sense of ourselves sexually in transition.

In sex with others, metaphors for what I consider to be masculine sexual expression seem to have become crucial to my enjoyment of an experience. Sex with a partner is a social act. It’s a way of being seen on a deep and vulnerable level, whether the encounter is casual or romantic.

Writing my own sexual scripts

I’m still making sense of how Testosterone has changed my sexual experiences. I’m trying to write my own gender affirming scripts for sex and orgasms, whether with myself or with others. It has been a confusing journey, but I feel like I’m learning to affirm who I am as a man in some unexpected ways through orgasms and sexual expression.

Interested in hearing a more feminine perspective on orgasms? Check out this collection of orgasmic essays from 💜 Victoria Quinn 💜 in “La Petite Mort: A Personal Quest”.

Interested in reading essays, poems, and fiction about love, sex, sexuality, and asexuality by trans people and those who love us? Be sure to follow Trans Love & (A)Sexuality!