How Talking About Your Mental Illness Makes Dealing With It Easier
Because #YouMatter
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Ever since I grew up, I had a weird relationship with my mind. The decisions I took and the conversations I had with myself were always so messy that nothing ever made sense to me at the moment.
I always knew that I was not perfectly sane in my head, but I never dared to confront my thoughts.
But, when my relationship went through a rough patch last October, I decided to accept that something could be wrong with myself. Not to deny the fact that all of it stemmed from my childhood trauma (thanks, Dad), but anyway, I decided that I am 23 years old, and I cannot keep blaming my parents for my poor decisions.
That is when I booked my first appointment with my therapist and took the first step towards breaking the pattern.
After the first few sessions, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), which is basically the fear of abandonment, self-destructive behavior, negative self-image, anger, paranoia, fear of rejection, and fear of loneliness bundled together.
At first, coming to terms with it wasn’t as easy as it may seem from the outside. I didn’t want anyone to know that I was seeing a therapist. No one in my family, friends, or colleagues had an idea about it, except my partner, who has been a great support all this while. I didn’t want anyone to know because I didn’t want people to sympathize with me or pity me.
But this is one of the many things therapy has helped me with. ‘Talking about my mental illness to people who care about me.’
I have been in therapy for five months now, but I openly talked to my sister about it for the first time yesterday. My family knew about it from the meds and stuff, but hearing myself say it out loud made me realize that I am doing better than I was a year ago.
Finding Strength in Vulnerability
Healing is not a linear process. It’s ongoing. You work hard to let go of a bad memory, but you may relapse now and then. You hurt people, and people hurt you. Talking about my mental illness has helped me accept that there is nothing wrong with me for not being mentally sane.
I know I haven’t completely healed yet. But like Olivia Rodrigo said ‘I am my father’s daughter, so maybe I could fix him’, except that my version says ‘I am my father’s daughter, yes I will fix me’.
Hi, I’m Saniya. I write about self-improvement, relationships, and lessons learned from my experiences. I'd love for you to follow me and see my stories pop up on your feed. And, to have stories sent directly to you, subscribe to my newsletter.👇
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