Sexuality | Swinging | Relationships

How Swinging Saved My Marriage

Sometimes in life, you need to find a new tribe

Twelve years ago, I attended my first swinger event. I had no expectations. I’d only just learned the word. But in my heart, I knew the outcome of this night would likely decide the future of my marriage.

According to Oxford Dictionary, swinging is the practice of engaging in group sex or the swapping of sexual partners within a group, especially on a habitual basis.

But on this fateful night, my husband introduced me to a whole new world. A world I knew nothing about. A world where he actively supported and encouraged me to explore my sexuality.

In the United States, 46% of marriages end in divorce. Infidelity is one of the major reasons for divorce.

I’d been married before. Initially, I’d had an active sex life. But as soon as vows were exchanged our sex life ground to a halt. I still had the desire but he didn’t. I never knew the reason why. Eventually, out of frustration, I had a fling with a male flight attendant. Shortly after I demanded a divorce.

Fast forward a few years. I’d remarried. Together we had an amazing sex life. Then we introduced a child into our relationship. Talk about a hand grenade!

Motherhood managed to eliminate all of my sexual desires. I’m sure a psychiatrist could have told me why my sex life was in tatters. Perhaps it was the fact I was struggling to cope with being a new mom. The combined demand of parenting, a lack of family or friend support, and the social isolation I was feeling made me put sex at the base of the totem pole.

Taking me to a swinger party was my husband’s way of getting my sexual juices flowing again. Even the most pious nun would have found her juices flowing in a room filled with scantily clad men and women. Like something out of Stanley Kubrick’s film Eyes Wide Shut, it was a sexually charged party scene.

While I’d always been sexual, I’d also repressed my sexuality for fear of negative social repercussions. Swinging and Swingers introduced me to a community or tribe of people who were just like me. They weren’t freaks. For the most part, they were well-educated professionals with successful careers, well-adjusted children, and lengthy marriages.

Here was a tribe that made sex a priority in their lives. But sex didn’t dominate their lives; it was just an active component. This was the first time I’d ever socialized with singles and couples who talked openly about sex and not in the nudge, nudge wink, wink sort of way. It was refreshing.

Swingers showed me that I could be happily married and non-monogamous. I now realize that I could never be monogamous. If my husband was fully aware of what I was doing with other men and sometimes women, I wasn’t committing infidelity. Hell, no! Most of the time we play together.

Over time this tribe taught me how to balance my career, parenthood, and my marriage. I could be a wife, a mother, and a lover. It wasn’t easy. We would both acknowledge successful marriages take effort. It’s one thing for a couple to survive 15 years together but adding a child to the mix makes survival much more challenging.

We still have our challenges. But an active and healthy sex life definitely helps smooth out rough patches and remember why we were attracted to each other.

Now as I look back, I credit swinging and its community of like-minded adults for keeping us together.

This week, my husband and I are celebrating our wedding anniversary.

What’s the secret to our success?

For us, it’s simple.

Swinging.

© Copyright Belle Du Journey, 2021

Belle Du Journey writes about sex, life, parenting, writing, and anything else that she finds interesting. If this story appears anywhere other than Medium.com without my consent it has been stolen.

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