How Ready Would You Be if You Died…Right Now?

Is there a way to eliminate regret?

Readers beware: I will state my position and thoughts about religion and the purpose of humankind. If you are easily destabilized by conflicting opinions on these topics…don’t fucking torture yourself. Find your next article.

I’m scared of death.

Not to death, of death…

That truth of finite life that leads to the infinite nothing that exists after it.

I’m afraid that my arrogant assumption of living to 120 years old will be stopped short by the abstract chances and reactivity the world follows through with on a daily basis.

A couple years ago, I read “How to Die” by the Stoic Philosopher, Seneca.

“It takes an entire lifetime to learn how to die”.

Note: No, no, no…I’m not an Amazon affiliate, and I get no financial gain for the link to this book…I just think you might like it.

I go into an existential crisis periodically.

‘Will I do everything I envision myself doing?’

‘Will I face my fear? Will I start living life rather than surviving it?’

‘Will the world take me from this place before I find my courage?’

‘Will I free my own soul? Will I finally see the world with different eyes?’

‘Will I ever make an impact that I can be proud of?’

‘Will I make it to a substantial end? And if I do, will I be able to die without regret??’

Regret…

I can easily say that if I died right now, I’d have a very hard time accepting what is, what has been, and what hasn’t…

What I can’t stand is the idea of being at the end knowing there is nothing left ahead of me, and no way to turn back and try again.

I can almost exclusively give credit to my life’s motivation based on this fear.

There would be no remedy for the sadness caused by my timidity with life; no saving my heart from the grief and pain of realizing that I didn’t dance like I wanted to, love as hard as I could have, and screamed from the center of my soul with my gifts and intentions to help the world.

My heart cracks just saying it.

I have two major intentions for my life. Things I refuse to give up on, no matter how long they take.

Satiate my soul’s desire for purpose….and share this worldly experience with another human who has desire for life as much as I do.

Love:

I haven’t loved the way that I’ve wanted to. I know that I’ve fallen short because of my own insecurities that silenced any attempts for connection. I’ve built a protective barrier around myself to keep anyone from stopping me from my goals, making myself look cold and unapproachable. I know that I want something more intentional than the canvas spread of marriage and a good retirement…and I’ve even used that to assume that no woman fits the slot that defines compatibility for me.

I want raw love that comes from an unprotected set of hearts. I want abrupt truth and confident intention. I want the challenge of opening up a soul enough to see the parts that no one else has, and having someone strong enough to do the same for me. I want impulsive butt touches that give spikes of serotonin. I want to enter the soul of a woman through her eyes during shared climax(this is the most intoxicating moment of intimacy I’ve ever had), and so much more.

My mission:

I haven’t had the effect on the world that I would like to have. Not yet. Deep down, I know that I’ve held back most of myself, purely because I thought that there was a perfected method that goes into getting the world to accept you. The paradox is, that it’s actually the opposite.

The world may feel abrupt about our re-entry into the atmosphere, but many will respect you for your shameless fury in which you enter, and the raw intention in your approach.

I want to feel the freedom financially and spiritually that comes from all the work I put into my craft. I want to know that I’ve taken control of my own story, and learned to take advantage of a system that allows me to travel, connect with interesting people, and confidently know that I’m not only making a difference in my own life, but giving true value to others.

Community:

I haven’t yet found the peers that drive me; that make me feel less alone and validate my gifts and my purpose. That ‘thicker than blood’ style family.

I haven’t yet built the community that I can give everything I can as much as they give to me. Where there is no limit on potential, because of the trust and communication and support for us all to make the best of ourselves.

I haven’t passed through these glass ceilings yet.

Yet…

And so many of us quietly suffer like this…waiting for the day where the pain to stay the same, outweighs the pain of exile by authentic expression.

So…what will help us break through that ceiling?

Why do we sell ourselves on afterlife?

What is the psychological benefit of Gods, eternal life, and the option of a utopia out of the reach of evil, as long as we live by some code or commandments?

Even if you believe in experience beyond death, just…give this a thought.

Are we lying to ourselves about the time we have?

What makes us assume that another day will come tomorrow?

Is it to give us a false hope that allows us to stave off responsibility and risk to and from the world?

Are we so psychologically blinded by stories of life never ending that we can so easily waste the lives that we have, arrogantly sure of a tomorrow?

Are we numbing ourselves in a way that promotes mediocrity rather than devotion to fierce authenticity and influence?

…?

It is very possible that this is just another form of deflection. Just like our traumas that we bury and fear, we may be so convinced by religious indoctrination for the pure fact that we fear death…that in this way, we don’t have to think about death itself because we know that our lives are lived infinitely beyond one common experience.

Deep down I think we’re all afraid to die.

I think we’re afraid of the deterioration, the suffering of the body and mind, the pain of being out of control with no way to recover…

And despite my religious skepticism, I still fear. I still procrastinate. I still overthink and under act…

The whole point, is that this is a universal human challenge, not a difference of belief.

So, if we were periodically soaked in fear, would we live more lively?

Mother nature scares the fuck out of me…

To know that it literally doesn’t give a fuck about the impact I make, or when my time ends. Nature and coincidence can end any one of us.

Motorcycle wreck? Sure

Cancer? Very possible.

Death sentence enforced from being framed for murder? Less likely…

(go ahead. Laugh at my most irrational fear, ya jerk…)

But when it comes to the social species that is the human…universal energy can direct our lives into satisfaction. We are the coincidental mutation of mother nature herself.

Unlike every other part of the animal kingdom, we don’t just live to carry on our genetic code. We experience. And now, based on our actions and our social intentions, we have the capability to change the world far beyond the cycle of life mother nature intended. It’s a world beyond nature. It’s about the global community and making ourselves a part of the story of it’s progress.

We are the anomaly…because we strive for greatness and novelty and euphoria.

Innovation. Technology. Adaptation. Exponential growth and experimentation.

We have the ability to change the world in whatever way we see fit, and we constantly seek it out.

What about this…?

If the world is unfair, and our chance at fulfillment is never truly promised despite our working towards it, then why do we think that we will be given some utopian peace created without suffering, after we die? Do we somehow think we are owed that peace just because we did things well?

We are fucking owed nothing…

We want our suffering to mean something. I get that. We have this innate idea that the transaction of effort will without a doubt give us something in return.

In this life it might. In the next one it’s promised.

Is that the manipulation of religion?

My skeptical mind says yes, of course.

But that’s exactly why I think the whole purpose of one life is to completely exhaust ourselves of our creativity.

To make sure that regardless of what happens after, we have no more to give.

Because we simply can’t prove an afterlife or a reincarnation.

So…

What should we do?

What can we do?

We can face the world.

Face Fear.

Step into the unknown.

Guide ourselves.

Lead others.

And maybe…just maybe we will be ready to leave…without regret.

To leave knowing that we loved and fucked and willingly gave our hearts to lovers and soulmates.

To leave knowing that we failed horribly and embarrassed ourselves for the sake of progress and ate the dirt that we stand on. To know that we faced darkness and pain and triumphed in trade for euphoric moments of success and joy and humbling satisfaction.

To leave knowing we stood back up, ground that dirt between our teeth with more determination. That we finally succeeded beyond our wildest dreams through blood and tears and exhausting resilience…and we used the full spectrum of our abilities to make this life somehow make sense.

Knowing we’ve experienced the world, fought our best to become something authentic, and given everything we could.

Maybe with no answers to what we are here for, we make up our own…if there were something that we could all attach to, maybe it could be that.

Maybe that while we have consciousness, while we have control(yes, you fucking do…more than you think), we can know there is nothing else we could have done to better ourselves and the people around us.

The only answer I see:

To have no regret.

To know that we lived.

To know that whatever legacy or impact we felt we needed to make, we tried for.

To know that with the abstract experience and the constant suffering, that we found the scale leaning more towards our satisfaction because we didn’t let life live for us, we took hold of life and made it our own.

And that manifestation lies in the miniscule and repeated moments that we live with pure intention toward our goals.

So, what if the whole idea of knowing death while living, is part of the motivation that implores you to live your life fully?

That intimate and raw internal discussion we must repeatedly have about death:

We will die.

There is no truth larger than that.

There is no proof of an afterlife or any sort of reincarnation.

Does it make sense confide in something that has no validity?

What if we don’t?

What if it is nothing?

What if there is no consciousness beyond our last heartbeat?

Will we live?

Will we truly…truly live?

Honest reception to religion:

I have skepticism sprinkled throughout this post. But I accept that I may be completely wrong in my perspective of the world’s creation and purpose.

Any sort of Western structured religion is not something that I promote. However, I respect the fact that my truth is never the same as someone else’s. My desire for the above theory is solely to promote a life lived intentionally; to live it in service in whatever way helps you leave this place without regret. That being said, if religion is part of your life and helps you attain that goal, then I support you in your truth.

If you like my writing and the things I question, you might( I mean…probably) also like the questions and conversations on my podcast, The Rebel Minded Podcast. Find it here on Substack, or Spotify, Apple and Google Podcasts.

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Remember…question everything!