POLITICS

How Old Is Too Old?

Should elected officials be forced to retire?

How old is too old to hold elected office? That’s a lot like asking, “Where does the sky start?”

American has a fractious relationship with its elderly. While the old were widely considered to be an acceptable loss during the pandemic, nevertheless, we don’t particularly want to be treated by a doctor who looks like they just took their SATs.

No one in real life would willingly be treated by Doogie Howser.

When it comes to medical care, we want someone with experience. Preferably someone with some gray in their hair — the wise country doc who’s delivered a thousand babies.

And when it comes to our leaders, we’ve long accepted politicians who look like they’ve birthed a thousand bills. We hate and despise the old, while knowing, deep down, that they know more than we do. Because experience really does matter.

Like animals, politicians must hide their debilities to avoid being preyed on by younger, stronger competitors. But when you can’t remember how to cast your vote on the senate floor, things become dicier, harder to hide.

Fortunately, there’s always someone nearby to save your bacon. Someone with a vested interest.

Nancy whispering into Ronnie’s ear. A legislative aide saying, “Just say aye.”

One of the biggest problems is that the usual indicators of age and infirmity don’t apply to the rich and powerful. No one is holding a family meeting about taking their car keys away, because they don’t drive. They are driven.

Mitch McConnell doesn’t have to worry about running on arthritic knees to make a flight because he’s reportedly whisked in a wheelchair to the gate, where he of course goes to the front of the line.

And how many of the alleged “problems” suffered by an elder statesperson are simply sour grapes, rumors spread by underlings who want their own bite at the apple, all sharp elbows and side-eye?

Federal Judge Pauline Newman, who is 96, is actually suing her colleagues to prevent them from removing her from the bench. Who to believe? Judge Newman, who’s still probably sharper than 70% of the American electorate, or those who are leaving her stranded in a fortress of solitude?

The uproar on Twitter (sorry, X) about McConnell’s “episode” demonstrates how age is a shimmering mirage that seems to retreat from the thirsty traveler even as they approach it.

“The cut-off to hold office should be 50!” someone (extremely young) said. To which a thousand middle-aged voices bellowed, “COME ON! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 75!”

The definition of “too old for office” is like that famous definition of pornography by Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart: “I know it when I see it.” Which leaves, as we well know, a lot of room for interpretation.

My own mother is 94 years old and completely unaware of her incapacity.

I wouldn’t want her running a Girl Scout meeting, let alone voting on the Senate Appropriations Committee.

Maybe we should make politicians draw a clock face, the standard test for neurological impairment in the elderly. Because it’s true that everybody ages at a different rate — my 56 is somebody else’s 79. But we’re all 18 in our heads.

The consensus on Twitter seems to have settled at 65 as the cut-off for politicians, a number ingrained in us by, ironically enough, the federal government. A number which has nothing to do with physical ability or mental acuity, and everything to do with making the Social Security system sustainable by payroll withholding.

But just as Social Security is struggling to adjust to fewer workers contributing to its coffers and more recipients who stubbornly refuse to die (thanks a lot, science), we as a society are struggling with the idea that our politicians actually look like us.

We fall down a lot. We forget where we put our keys. We have “senior moments” in the dairy aisle where we try to pretend we were just comparing prices.

We look at our leaders and we are scared. The population is growing old and incapacitated in real time, on television, and in our drive-thru windows and check-out lines.

Generation X has little to no savings put away, and will be the first generation without the benefit of employer-provided pensions to fall back on.

There are no Golden Years for seniors anymore, only a job at the Golden Arches

So, how old is too old? That’s like asking, “Where does the sky start?”

Once you’re up there, it’s hard to tell.

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