How Not Worrying About Self-Improvement Helped me Improve
And break the cycle of anxiety and stress
If you are reading this article, I think you can relate to the universe of self- development. For me, the personal development journey started when I dived head-first into it in my freshman year of college. The need to keep up with school work and make my way through intellectually uncharted territory prompted me to increasingly incorporate productivity, focus and personal improvement hacks in my daily routine.
Every habit of that sort you can think of, trust me, I’ve done it — from waking up at 5 AM and practicing daily mindfulness meditations to planning my schedule weekly to the minute.
The task to accomplish everything I thought was needed to be successful not only as a student, but personally and professionally, took the entirety of my time. I had scant time to be with friends and an enormous list of bullet points to cross, such as reading a significant number of pages of three different books everyday, learning new words and using them throughout the day, meditating, reading the news, among other duties I am embarrassed to admit. The stringent demands I bestowed upon myself daily left me with no room for spontaneity and the amazing self-discoveries and experiences that come with it. My self-development routine — taken to the utmost —turned into a self-destructive time bomb.
The practice of these military-like self-development habits for a few years made me reach a tipping point on my last year of college. That year, I felt nothing but overworked and I did not see the results I’d been striving for in the first place. At that point, I was so submerged in the ironclad routine I set up for myself that when I stopped to think about it, I realized I had completely lost sight of what I wanted, of who I was and who I wanted to be.
In consequence, I was put in a position in which I had to rethink many aspects of my life, as well as myself. So, in order to do that, I made the decision to let go of my self-destruction routine altogether. I made time to be with friends, to connect with people and not do anything at all. I lifted all those strict obligations and subjected them to my volition.
And, as contradictory as it may sound, I now find myself casually practicing some of those same duties I once forced upon myself. However, now I actually enjoy the activity, for it happens in an uncommitted and spontaneous way. And it ends up being more productive and better developing my creativity than before.
Therefore, I thought it would be valuable to share what I learned on this self-destruction/self-development marathon and a few tips — I wish I had known before commencing this journey — you can keep in mind in your personal development trajectory without being a slave to obligations and self numbing routines.
1. Don’t read just for the sake of reading
This will sound obvious, but read what you enjoy and don’t force yourself to read.
As I mentioned before, I would pressure myself into reading different types of books everyday, but what I noticed is that I ended up not absorbing its contents to the fullest, for the obligation to cross that duty on my list made me choose quantity over quality so many times.
Therefore, shaping your reading list according to your interests is an important practice to make this activity light and productive.
Also, I noticed that reading this way helps me remember what I read in the long-term more clearly. Besides, I also saw significant improvement in my vocabulary reading this way, and that wasn't even the primary goal.
In addition to that, respecting your volition and knowing when not to read can be beneficial when you do read. Since, the desire to read and learn is a big factor in absorbing the information.
2. Loosen up the to-do lists
You mold the routine, not the other way around.
It’s great to plan out your day, it helps you stay organized and get everything that you need done. However, schedules that are planned to the minute can become a burden.
So instead, I find that writing out on your planner just the activities that you need to get done that day, without time restrictions, is much more effective. It leaves space for you to get creative with what you wish to do that day.
This way, you make sure that what you are doing is in tune with what you want and your goals on a daily basis — you mold the routine, not the other way around.
3. Make time for yourself
I know it’s a little cliché, but bear with me.
Unfortunately, it is bestowed upon us by our need to forever increase productivity that making time for ourselves is a waste of time and energy. However, that’s something that we need to deconstruct. It’s deeply important to check-in and listen to ourselves everyday.
So, loosen up that to-do list and leave space for spontaneity and the possibly amazing experiences that live in the unexpected and aren’t planned — it’s always in those common-place trips to the mall with friends or those impromptu get-togethers that the most remarkable events or life-changing conversations and connections with people happen.
Those experiences are also important for personal development, because it helps us see things differently, gives us new perspectives and world knowledge to better interpret information and situations around us. So, sometimes, it’s beneficial to procrastinate or move around some duties to make time for ourselves. And I cannot stress enough that making time for yourself is far from a waste of time, in fact, it is of vital importance.
Having said that, it’s imperative that we realize that we are not machines. As much as we’re made to believe otherwise by the productivity-obsessed dynamic we live in. Life is a too incredible experience to spend all of our time crossing bullet points — filled with activities that may not even make sense to us — on a planner.
