How Not to Make Money on Medium in 2021
Oh wait … I mean 2022
If you’re looking for an article on how to make money on Medium, this is not the article for you. Fret not, at this very moment there are approximately 10,572,485 articles on Medium written by generous writers on how to earn a lot of money so that you can finally quit your day job. I know how much you long to just throw in the towel on your 9 to 5 job. “9 to 5” is a lie, actually. Nobody goes home at 5 pm. Everyone knows that.
So first things first, don’t bother proofreading any of your articles. The more speling and gramAtikal mistakes ttthe better. Better yet, type in txt language. I dnno y but ppl seems turnedofff by txts slng in writng. L3mm3 knw if tis workz.
Next, don’t bother adding a featured image to your post. I know that I’ve put one in this article. It’s an honest mistake. I’ll try harder next time. Besides, that’s not a very good picture. That awful yellow background! And who puts coins in a pouch like that?!
Do not create click bait titles. Try to put a title that is totally irrelevant for most people. For example, the title of my article states “2021” so honestly, I don’t know why you are reading this. Unless you have time travelled and you are in 2021 now! But hold on, I am writing this in 2022 so you couldn’t possibly be reading this even if you are a time traveller. Never mind. I’m confused too. Time travelling movies are my favourites though just in case you want to know. Oh and mindless ramblings aren’t usually a recipe for a successful story either.
Okay, moving on.
Try not to post more than one article per month so that your post(s) will never be visible to members of Medium. I can’t be sure but I’ve heard of something or someone called The Algorithm which I presumed is the Ruler of Medium Kingdom. Better yet, don’t post anything at all.
Do not engage with your fellow writers at any cost. Read their stories if you must but do not leave any clap or comment in order for you to stay under the radar. We don’t want them to follow you back and read your posts because that’s how you make money on Medium. We don’t want that. No thanks.
If all else fails, just live or move to a country that is not part of the eligible countries for the Medium Partnership Program (MPP). At the moment only writers from selected countries are welcome to make money on Medium. I’m not sure of the official reason and don’t tell me it’s because of Stripe. Everyone knows that Stripe is offered in some countries that don’t make the cut for the MPP. And no, it’s not because it’s in Beta stage or whatever. So if you aren’t eligible, you’ll be relieved of the pressure of actually making money; you may ignore all the tips above and use Medium whichever way you like. I’m not even sure if I’m using punctuations correctly in the sentence before this but that’s the whole point! :D
I’ll be sharing how much I did not earn from the MPP last month in my next post. Stay tuned $€$€$€
p/s: This article is obviously a satire so no hateful comments please! The idea for this article came to me when I was talking about Medium earnings (or the lack of) with my dear friend jeanninekauffmann/poems in the raw
If you enjoyed this article and would like to support me, please buy me a coffee as the MPP is not available in my country. Thank you very much! https://ko-fi.com/samtzelin
Another way to support me is to view one of my stories on Simily. I’ll be paid a small amount for each view at no cost to you except for a little time spent clicking on the link. Here is one of them. You can find more stories by clicking on the stories tab in my profile.
Alternatively, I have compiled a list here: https://samtzelin.wordpress.com