How Not To Chase the Applause of Others
And instead, focus on internal validation
Unpopular opinion: Your internal applause needs to be loudest.
One of the most dangerous things to rely on is others’ validation. People have their own subjective opinions and ideas, and they change with time. But many of us fall into the trap of trying to make everyone agree with our life choices.
When I was younger, I used to try to convince everyone to agree with every single decision I’d make for my life. This resulted in me reconsidering the directions I was sure of and feeling lost. But this also taught me that I needed to take the wheel into my hands, and rotate my life according to my inner compass. Along this process, I’ve discovered ways of hearing my inner applause louder than outside noise.
Do you also want not to chase the applause of others?
There are 4 steps to follow:
1-Observe your need for validation
2-Recognize the route you wish to follow
3-Build your internal feed-back system
4-Learn to separate support from a permission
“Climb the mountain, not so the world can see you, but so you can see the world.” — David Mccullough Jr.
How Not to Chase The Applause of Others
1-Observe your need for validation
Every single human being likes to be supported and praised for who they are, and for their actions. But the degree of our need for validation has to be kept in control because it can vary from wanting to feel accepted, to being addicted to it, due to past traumas.
To observe ourselves, we can start by observing at what stages of a decision or an action we seek to support. For example, if we find ourselves bound to the words of others from the beginning for most of our decisions and actions, then it shows that we’ve become addicted to the validation and it can result in us not feeling enough every single time we make a mistake. It is not a healthy nor a beneficial mindset, so it needs to be let go of. This way we can have enough silence in our mind to listen to our own voice.
2-Recognize the route you wish to follow
This step is very important because, in order to have a vision of where we are going in life, we need a roadmap. This does not mean it cannot change with time, but when you have a clear vision of your goals and dreams, then you’ll have more stamina inside to endure the bumps on the road.
3-Build your internal feed-back system
Feed-back systems are beneficial to observe what is working and what’s not, but when we depend on others’ feedback all the time, then it can be misleading sometimes. This is why it is essential to have an internal feedback loop to keep yourself in check. This way you can follow your progress and decide whether you want to improve things or not.
4-Learn to separate support from a permission
Lastly, many of us find ourselves in situations where we mix support with permission and feel bad due to lack of encouragement when others do not agree with us. This is why it is crucial to understand that support is not a ticket to go where you are going, it is only a nice gesture.
Final thoughts
It is nice to have the support of friends and family in whatever we do in life, but we should not fall into the trap of trying to make everyone agree with our life choices. To do this, there are 4 steps to follow:
1-Observe your need for validation
2-Recognize the route you wish to follow
3-Build your internal feed-back system
4-Learn to separate support from a permission
Thank you for reading.
-E.K.