How negativity influences your brain

Summary

The author discusses how past negative experiences, such as bullying and lack of support, have affected their brain and self-perception, leading to negative self-talk and low self-esteem.

Abstract

The author shares their personal experiences of being bullied in primary and secondary school, which have had a lasting impact on their self-perception and mental health. They describe how these negative experiences have led to a lack of concentration and self-doubt, causing them to question their abilities and potential. The author also discusses the impact of a messy home environment and lack of support from their parents, which has further contributed to their negative self-talk and low self-esteem. Despite these challenges, the author acknowledges the benefits of therapy and positive thinking in helping them to overcome their negative self-perception and start thinking more positively about themselves.

Opinions

The author believes that negative experiences, such as bullying and lack of support, can have a lasting impact on one's mental health and self-perception.
The author suggests that therapy and positive thinking can be effective in helping individuals overcome negative self-talk and low self-esteem.
The author acknowledges the importance of a supportive home environment in promoting positive self-perception and mental health.

Sometimes I have negative thoughts. And this is because of my past.

In the past, I was bullied every day, both in primary and secondary school. They called me everything they liked that was negative. These statements were such as: “You have lice” and “You can't do anything at all”. This went on day in and day out.

At primary school, I had two friends with whom I played a lot (one is now my best friend and with the other, I have no contact anymore). In that period, classmates were very stupid to me and ‘ejected’ as if I had insects and did their ‘performance’. Like: “You do not belong here” as I passed by. They often said that I was stupid. Even worse is that one of the teachers told my parents that I was more than stupid.

I had no concentration at primary school. I know because I was not comfortable in my body. Not because I would be gay or transgender, no, more because I was being bullied. Nobody saw who I am. The real me.

Secondary school students can sometimes be very rude. During the break in high school, I was eating my bread at a table with a number of classmates. One of them asked me what I want to become when I’m grown up. I answer that I really want to go to the music conservatory to become a professional violinist. And immediately they say: “Oh, you want to go to the crematorium!”. Of course, I immediately take it very seriously: “No, the conservatory, a school where you learn to play the violin very well or another instrument of your choice.” In Dutch, the articulation of both words is very similar. But I know deep in my heart that they did know that fact back then. Now I know better and you shouldn’t always answer those questions and always choose with whom to discuss.

At home, it was always a mess. My parents did not clean up that much. As a result, I could not always invite a friend (as far as I had friends) to come and play with me, as my children can do now with their friends. In my memory, I did not have the childhood I wanted, while others experienced a good one (if I compare with other children). I had a lot of issues to deal with. Issues I shouldn’t have to deal with. Issues children shouldn’t have to deal with.

So there were many negative events in my life. There are more, but considering the privacy of those involved, I prefer not to name them.

But coming back to those negative happenings… It’s all in my brain. Gone in my memory. But such that I myself now negatively express myself and say to myself that I can not do anything and therefore did not do my best to become a violinist. Deep in my heart, I really know what my abilities are and that I can DO something. But because it has played so negatively in my childhood, that I am now messed up.

What are the consequences of such negative events on your brain and your well-being? And on your whole existence as a human being here on earth? I honestly don't really know. I know that music positively affects your brain. That your brain will ‘grow’. This is something positive. So I think that if you are positive about yourself, your brain responds positively to that. Just as my brain negatively reacted to all those negative events and therefore you will think negatively about myself.

As I have written before, I have had therapy, because so many things have happened in my life as a child. That was, in addition to what the others do and has done, the change to start thinking positive for me!

So I do think that negative thinking has a bad influence on your brain. And if that happens too often, it goes into a visual circle. That is what happened to me. After the therapy, I started to think of something more positive. And I learned a lot about certain things that have happened and what I can change. I have learned that there are multiple truths: one of the other and one of yourself. That has opened my eyes.

The therapy I got called psychomotor therapy. You will learn new things and your old attitudes through the aspects as it appears in movement behaviour, body language, physical stress, body posture, body sensations and body experience. These aspects are the main points in the diagnostics and administration point for the treatment.

One thing I have done with my therapist is boxing therapy. Not boxing in the ring as you watch it on TV. My therapist took the boxing pillow and I got the boxing gloves. He told me I had to box while he counts while I had to speed up my moves. I was very exhausted. I wanted to cry, I wanted to be vulnerable. But I couldn’t cry. I had so many emotions passed by that day.

But this is what happens with your brain, but also with your body when you heal, when you let in the positivity.