How Much..?

Some questions about expectations and oppression

How much longer should I wait For you to love me? How much more should I try To be the obedient child you want? How much more delicate should I become For you to accept that I disagree? How much faster should I finish the homework To not be classified as problematic?

How much should I smile Before you say that my smile is not beautiful enough? How much stronger can my body get Before you say that I should try to look more dainty? How much bigger can my desires become Before you take them down one by one?

How much can I enjoy sex Before you label me as indecent? How much more ink and metal can I get on my body To not run the risk of being thought of as unprofessional? How much more free air do I have the time to breathe Before you lock me up for defending my truth?

I wrote this poem about 8 years ago, after arriving to the realization that the societal expectations I’m fighting against have been in my life since day 1. The family system is the first society that a baby gets to know, so in some cases pressure starts from a very young age.

This poem is separated in a way that reflects a summary of my childhood, teenage years, and adulthood.

Initially, this poem was mentally addressed to my biological family and the society as a whole. Typing it out here today, I think that it was primarily addressed to my Self.

What I’ve come to realize is that no matter how much we fight against oppressive systems or people who oppress us, we won’t know true freedom for our Self until we’ve defeated our Inner Oppressor.