MY WISDOM AT 66
How Much Do We Really Change?
The challenges of the past repeat, but our strengths remain our heroes
Time marches on, and yet very little changes.
I could say this any day of the week and find its truth, but as we start 2024, a reader pulled up an old piece of mine and reminded me of what I said five years back.
All its messages are true today. The only difference is that at 66, I embrace the realities and have a bit of humor as I ask myself, “So what?”
One key difference: I listed seven lessons in 2019, and the writer in me wouldn’t list seven today. Shorter, easier to remember, and plated for quick reading would be the rule that Medium has taught me.
I would also double down on my belief that our personal strength remains our hero. Whatever you are that you are proud of, lean on it. For me, it’s my positive attitude. I believe in silver linings. I see possibilities despite evidence to the contrary.
I invite you to be the judge as to whether these seven lessons are ageless (as we are at Middle-Pause).
Lesson One: Visuals Sell
In 2019, I was starting my writing on Medium and had much to learn. First on the list, for me, was the importance of visual appeal for readers. I understood this when an editor rejected an early piece of mine and wrote, “Nice content, but visually, it needs some love.”
Today, I spend way more time selecting the image and giving the reader some space within the content to catch their breath, mull over a thought, or do something else and come back to me.
I also remind myself that our attention spans are shorter than a goldfish, and we need tricks to keep people on our page.
Lesson Two: Identify communication preferences and use them!
What was true in 2019 is even more true today. My kids mostly talk to me when they’re walking and want to kill some time. My clients want 25-minute meetings with 5 minutes of downtime before their next call.
Tomorrow, I have my first micro-meeting of 15 minutes. It’s a good thing that I’m a fast talker, courtesy of growing up with five siblings and wanting to get my words in.
Even more dominant is the communication preference for texting over emailing. What was true for my kids is now true for my clients. Only when I have an attachment do I email a client. And when I meet someone new, which does occasionally happen, my first question is:
“How do you prefer I communicate with you?”
I am not a great texter, but I know I need to be, so it has become me. I understand that the standard in my life, which was voice, has taken a backseat to small text boxes on our phones.
Lesson Three: Small differences often don’t feel small
A close friend from California visited, and I have become a crusty New Englander. I believe that our regions shape our thinking on many fronts— politics, the environment, education, you name it. We didn’t see eye-to-eye on some selected topics, but in truth, our values are not very different.
While our conversation was challenging, it was also enlightening. For example, while we both value our democracy, what are the best ways to ensure that our democracy remains? I argued that some very undemocratic measures were being taken to protect something dear, and she argued they were essential. “Wind the clock forward,” I asked, “and where might this take us, no matter what side of the aisle one sits?”
We ended by needing to affirm our love for each other. Small differences don’t always feel small, but love can still survive (sounds like a Bee Gees song).
Lesson Four: Confidence supersedes talent
The only difference in restating this lesson five years later is that I would add three exclamation marks and make it all CAPS. I’ve lived through so many examples of confidence outweighing talent that I doubt I can count that high. I had the creepy boss whose strength was cozying up to the executive suite (commonly referred to as the “C-Suite”) but brought nothing else. Eventually, it was so obvious that he was shown the exit, but it took way too long.
I had a tennis partner assigned to me who thought she was circuit-bound and tried to dominate when we played together. The only steady part of her game was her misplaced confidence.
A big ego is not enough if it’s not backed by talent.
There is a reason why the following quote from Henry Ford sits on my desk:
“Whether you think you can or you think you can’t — you’re right,”
Attitude, when combined with positivity, yields confidence. This is when I believe that the sky is the limit.
Lesson Five: Virtue-signaling is humble-brag on steroids
I will make this pain point short. I have a friend who loves to talk about her Tesla and all the other environmentally friendly actions she takes. She also loves to travel abroad and flies everywhere — more often than she stays home to drive her Tesla. I don’t begrudge her either choice, but I also don’t want to hear her version of “saving the environment.”
I don’t need to add more examples because we know it when we see it, and no one likes it. The best practice is to quietly lead your life in a way that makes your parents proud and your children, if you have them, want to emulate you.
My dad always told me, “What goes around comes around,” which was his version of “Be generous in mind, spirit and pocket.” I needed nothing else.
I will modernize this lesson and add the need to park social media in our pockets or inside a deep cavern if one is nearby. This will help to reduce the humble-brag tendency.
Lesson Six: Persistence wins the day
You can’t find that special job? Tired of looking for a soulmate online? Waiting for approval from someone you love? Can’t get your tennis serve just right? That last question has plagued me for years! Can’t keep up with your list of streaming picks? Don’t give up. Persist.
Most of my colleagues have retired, which has greatly impacted my freelance consulting business. These colleagues were my clients and my best referral source, and now, in my mid-sixties, I’ve needed to find new ones. I’ve worked hard to open some new doors and felt lucky when I found a small window. My parents, who owned a small grocery store, taught us that showing up and persevering — every single day — was the answer to many of life’s challenges.
Persistence is our best chance to get us to where we want to be.
Lesson Seven: Think local to stay upbeat
It is very easy to feel pessimistic, and on many days, I do. I do two things to help. I put a timer on how much news I consume, which I equate to chopped liver. You can assume my attitude towards chopped liver. I want to stay current but with a chance of staying positive.
And I remind myself that the small things I do to make a difference.
I visit a senior center and help people write pieces so they can share their words with families. I bake for neighbors and friends because who doesn’t think that a good cup of coffee with a blueberry scone can fix our mood? I won’t say more because I could become guilty of lesson number five.
The opportunities are endless, and while they don’t fix the crises of the day, they do a small part in helping someone laugh and experience joy. They can even remind us of our worth.
Here is something that has stayed constant throughout my many years of writing. I love finding a good quote from someone far wiser than me that summarizes a point I’ve made.
Here’s today’s quote: In 1849, French writer Jean-Baptiste Alphonse Karr wrote,
“Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose,” or translated, “The more things change, the more they stay the same.”
Do you have a timeless lesson that you want to share?
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