How much can you sacrifice for someone’s happiness?

It was years ago when I was on a vacation in a Hotel in Mallorca..

There were those two girls from France I’ve met on the pool bar and came into conversation, Chloe and Sarah.

One day, around midnight, I got out of my room to have a drink in the pool bar, cause I could not sleep well. On this time, not much people were around, only some who were coming from a party to have a last drink before going to sleep and of course these two French beautiful girls..

However, Sarah was the more silent one, a listener rather than someone who give a slight of opinion about anything. Chloe on other hand a very easy going funny girl with whom i’ve enjoyed our conversations a lot. But, there were something very mystical about Sarah, that’s why she got very early into my radar of interest. Because she looked always very shy, I used the chance over Chloe to agree her for a date. Chloe took this effort as a duty and told me that she want to inform me later over a text message, if Sarah agreed or not..

After several drinks, I went back to my room with a big excitement, soo much, that everything inside of me was flattering..

Then around 1 hour later, me, still lying in the bed and looking on my phone,

I got a message: ‘’8.00 pm, X Restaurant !’’

I can’t remember anymore, how often I’ve read that message, till the morning sun, without a second of sleep :)

Next day, I felt myself like a women, cause I was preparing myself for the rendezvous already in the morning hours..

What to wear ? How to fix my hairs ? ( Thanks to God, nowadays I have no more hair, so no stress anymore :)) and lots of other things.. I counted every single minute and hour until our meeting..

Finally, when I saw her on the pool side of the restaurant in the evening, I was still a poor looking f.. guy.., but heyy she agreed, that was the important thing.. Every step closer to her table, was like a step of Neil Armstrong on moon, a small step for the humanity, but a huge step for myself :)

Damn ! She was one of the most cute women I’ve ever came across. She was sitting there in front of me, looking soo cute,

Anyhow, I got my ass to the chair and tried to make some meaningful words ( they were totally stupid ) even I forgot my world famous sarcasm, felt myself just like a guilty student in front of the math teacher..

After some words of her and jokes, the things were getting easier and I could find back myself in the reality.. But then suddenly, Sarah got very serious, looked straight towards me for a moment and the truth came out of her mouth, which I still can’t forget:

Sarah: ‘’Harun, i liked your person a lot. You are a very nice guy, intelligent.. but..’’

( the famous arguments of a women you know.. I was already saying in my inner side, please God end this punishment as soon as possible)

Sarah: ‘’..but.. i am not interested in you. Even i’m not interested in any relation, cause i’m still stuck with that one person, who’ve left me. I need time to sort out things..’’

( Me feeling on this point like the smallest and weak person on earth.. but then.. something fell out of her mouth that striked me soo hard.. )

Sarah: ‘’So, why i’ve met you here then ? It’s because of Chloe, my best friend !..

She’s affected with cancer and the doctors told us that she has not much chance to survive. I just wanted to make her a surprise holiday, that she at least come to different ideas. She tries to cover her sadness with speaking, with never ending speaking about everything like you’ve noticed too, but I know her inner side..

When I was giving up, something interestingly happened here. As soon as she’ve met you, she was soo much interested and excited. How you speak, how you care, she liked you a lot.. She was speaking about you every minute, until you told her that you are interested in me. And like always in her entire life, she sacrificed herself that i’m happy..

..You can think that I’m crazy or like that, but I can’t tell you how much hurted I’m and how much Chloe means for me.. That’s why, I’ll understand if you find all this weird, but I wish from my whole heart Chloe’s happiness.. I just want to ask you kindly, even when it’s not true, if you could make her happy, only for a couple of days ?..

I would even give you money or even i can beg you..’’

( on that point I just remember that I hold my hand suddenly without to understand why to her mouth, so that she stops to speak. I could not stand longer against this sad story and the tears in her eyes )

Me: Y.. Y.. YES ! ( that was only what i could take out of my mouth with tears in my eyes )

After several minutes of silence, we agreed to reverse the whole story.. As like, I was in fact interested in Chloe, but could not say it directly and do it on a longer way by confessing this to Sarah..

Beginning from the next day, we started to explore places with her, was swimming, laughing, eating lots of ice (she was in love with all kind of sweets), jumping like kids around, everything what was possible in our hands..

Sometimes Sarah joined us nd sometimes we were alone to watch the sunset together when she was lying on my shoulder..

We talked without getting tired, about the life, future plans, family, love, career, about her heartbreaks, that she wanted to become a Ballerina when she was younger, but her parents did not allow.. (And till to this time I found that art soo kiddy and was making always jokes. But after the meeting with Chloe, I went for the first time to an event for watching this beautiful art with different eyes )

And one thing I’ll never forget..

In the 3rd day of our so called ‘’relation’’ she told me about her love for ‘’Apple Candy’’ .. that her mom never allowed to eat the second one.. I just took her like a kid from hand and went every corner of the streets to find Apple candies..

It was a walk of two hours, where we ended totally exhausted anywhere with lots of normal apples in our hands, which we plunged into sugar from the market and was eating with the loudest laughing ever heard in this universe..

I can never forget the innocent smile on her face in this very special moment of life..

Like always, good times are count. It was over in a week, everyone went to their home.. I was still in contact over phone and email, but, it ended after 5 months.

A lonely silence and goodbye..

I just hope, that she can eat real Apple candies in the heaven, as much as she wants.. Stay always in that cute smile..

For a long time, I asked myself, if this was a good idea to fake a ‘’Love’’

Even when I had sometimes the feeling, she was knowing about..

Then, after years, when I was lying in the hospital bed, all alone with cancer, fighting for my life, I understood the pain inside, what a ‘’hope’’ for a single ‘’hug’’ means. The hope, even when it is a lie, to hear the word ‘’I love you’’ from the person you are loving so much..

In that moment, I realized, it doesn’t matter what would be the outcome, I would do this again without to blink my eyes for a second, and this time with such a strong hug, that even death can’t do anything to her..

In remembrance to all the suffering innocent souls around the world.

My prayers are with you !

Author: Harun Resit Aydin