RELATIONSHIPS

How Moving Away Can Positively Impact Your Relationships

Moving is the ultimate test of relationships.

There is simply nothing like being physically present with someone. The hugs, the eye contact, the energy exchange, the hangouts, doing the simple things together.

It can seem impossible to maintain relationships without it.

This is a common fear with moving. I’ve had it many times.

It’s rational. If you can’t see someone, are you really likely to keep in touch? Isn’t the saying out of sight, out of mind?

In my experience, this is not the case. Most times that I’ve moved I’ve actually experienced the opposite.

I’ve moved (a significant distance) four times in the past ten years (ages 14 to 24). Let’s just say it is never a cakewalk.

Although it gets easier each time, I still always have anxiety.

My most recent move was from Santa Cruz, California, to Berlin, Germany, where I knew exactly zero people.

Though initially confident in my decision, I quickly developed intense attachment anxiety. Santa Cruz was my favorite place I had ever lived, by far. It felt like home.

I was terrified that as soon as I moved, all of my friends would forget about me. And that I would never find meaningful connections again. But deep down I knew that I was making the right choice.

Relationships Transition

Seven months later, I am happy to report that my intuition was right.

Naturally, some of my friendships did diminish upon moving. But other friendships blossomed and strengthened even more.

When you move away and continue to stay connected with a friend, it adds a unique layer of depth to the relationship.

It transitions from a time & place friendship to a lifelong connection.

When a long-distance friend hits me up, it shows me that they truly value my energy, my love, and my insights. They weren’t just there to hang out with when it was convenient.

The fact that we are both willing to put in the effort to connect in less than ideal ways shows the commitment to our relationship.

When a connection is challenged by the sea itself, and perseveres, it passes the ultimate test.

With some friends, we talk more now than we did when living in the same place. And our conversations are not only more frequent but more meaningful.

With other friends, we can go for months without talking. With a six to nine-hour time difference and demanding schedules, there is a very limited time window in which to talk.

But even after months, we can have a three-hour video chat as if no time has passed. And in the meantime, there is always messaging.

In both cases, since there is no option to see each other physically, there is more weight behind each conversation. Each moment is that much more meaningful.

Time is more limited, and therefore more valuable.

With other friends, we might not communicate regularly, or at all. But I still feel the strength of our energetic connection. There is no need to keep in touch regularly. The impact we had on each other, and the memories we share, will exist in our hearts forever.

If and when we do feel called to connect, or our lives cross paths again, our connection will remain pure.

This is also where social media, despite its flaws, can be a beautiful thing. It’s a blessing that I can easily see what my friends and family from all over the world are up to most of the time.

I think about them from time to time and am filled with joy at the memories we shared. Usually, I don’t miss them, because I still feel them in my heart.

I also know that when I get to see them again, it will be even sweeter. This is something I can always look forward to.

When a connection is challenged by the sea itself and perseveres, it passes the ultimate test.

It is unlimited within the confines of time and space.

It is an energetic tie, always subtly influencing both ends.

It is quantum entanglement.

Expanded Perspective Adds Value to Friendships

Another cool thing about moving is that you can support your friends in new ways.

You are no longer a part of their daily lives, actively involved in the drama of the social circle. You might have never met the new people in their life, and they haven’t met yours.

Now you both have a more aim, third-party perspective when advice is needed.

You will also have new life perspectives to share with them. When you live in the same place, you are exposed to a lot of the same things. Moving gives you a new perspective and new ideas to share with your friends and family.

Plus, it gives them a cool new place to visit! Both of your worlds expand.

Become More Intentional in Your Connections

Moving also makes it easier to intentionally choose the connections in your life. If you have lived in the same place for a while, you might hang out with certain people because, well, you always have.

It’s easier to stick with the same crowd than face the overwhelm of making new friends.

But deep down, you know you have grown apart, that it’s a toxic friendship, or is just not working.

Moving makes it easier to be intentional about the relationships you choose. It is easier to let go of old connections, and to seek new people who are more on the same wavelength.

You can define exactly what you want in a connection and not settle for less. It’s a fresh start.

Of course, I recommend doing this regardless, but moving can be a helpful catalyst.

Just keep in mind that moving won’t solve all of your problems. The same patterns in your life will still come up, no matter where you are. They will repeat until you solve them and come to a healthier place mentally.

But moving will help you recognize those patterns.

It is up to you to dive deep, discover the causes, work to heal yourself, and break the cycle (I will write another post on this soon).

But what if…

If you are thinking, “Well, that’s great for you, but what if none of my friends stay in touch after I leave?!”

To that I will say, then you have nothing to lose. You are not missing out on anything. Your real tribe is still out there, waiting to be discovered.

This has happened to me too before. There were multiple times that I moved where I barely kept in touch with anyone from those places.

That just proves that it was in my best interest to move. Because in the new places I found more meaningful connections.

I know from personal experience that when you don’t have powerful connections, it's hard to believe that finding them is possible. It can make you want to cling to what you have even more.

But there is so much more out there. There is a place, and tribe, for everyone, if you will keep trying and not settle for less.

Home is in the Heart

Moving has helped me to develop more self-confidence. It has given me a sense of stability in myself. I know I can always pick up my life and start over somewhere else, and be able to take care of myself, find meaning, and be happy. This to me is profound.

There are cool people and potential friends everywhere. It is just a matter of finding them. Which is much easier than ever before because of social media (which is how I met almost all of my friends in Berlin).

I will not lie and say it doesn’t get lonely and I never miss my friends and family. It does, and I do.

But it’s ultimately so worth it.

I will never be the type of person who will have a million friends. I can count my lifelong connection friends on one hand. But I am blessed. That is all that I need and more.

I know I am a part of an energetic web of amazing humans around the world. And that web-only grows stronger with each time I move, and more people that I meet.

The world feels a lot smaller.

You’ve Got This

So, if you feel called to move, but are held back by your fear of losing relationships, I say you have nothing to fear.

The important relationships in your life will stick, and likely to grow even stronger. And by moving you now, you have the chance to make even more beautiful connections in your life.

And if you are still looking for those close, lifelong friends, but haven’t been able to find them yet, moving might even be the best option for you.

The more you get around and meet people, the more likely you will be to find your tribe.

If you take a leap of faith, the universe will reward you with a bed of feathers. So go on and explore!