How Mira Sorvino, Thora Birch, Lindsay Lohan, and Britney Spears Figured Into My Son’s Life and Death

I’m still searching for exactly why he did it

It will be three years in December since my son, and his friend took their own lives in a cold, lonely campground in the mountains near Laramie, Wyoming.

The whole sordid event reminds me of Matthew Shepherd. I was smoking cigarettes in a crowded bar at Denver International during a long layover in 1998 when the news of his death began hitting the airwaves.

I’d just come out a few months earlier. After all the fun I’d been having, it rattled me. Shepherd and Alex died similarly: in the cold outside of Laramie, Wyoming.

Will I ever know exactly why he did it? I doubt it. I’ll carry the guilt forever.

But I recently discovered a pattern that I had not thought about before.

The disenfranchised.

A Little Background

As a family, we were big-time moviegoers. We’d go at least once a week and sometimes twice. Often we’d have two kids in tow, and it wasn’t cheap. Before I was diagnosed with ADHD, I could sit still through a whole movie!

Usually, after work and a long commute, I just wanted to chill at home. But sometimes, I’d be forced to go to the movies instead. The wife made me do it. Maybe that’s why I don’t go to theatres anymore.

Half of the time, it would just be the two of us. When the kids were involved, they often called the shots at what movie we would see. Sure, we saw “The Little Mermaid” more times than I can count. My daughter loved it. But both kids were a little precocious, and we’d often be surprised by their picks.

Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion/Mira Sorvino

My ex-wife didn’t care about ratings, and she’d always get around the issue at the box office. In 1997, when Alex was just 9, he begged us to see “Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion” (rated R).

The story of this cult classic movie revolves around the two main characters (Mira Sorvino as Romy and Lisa Kudrow as Michele). Since high school, they haven’t done much with their lives and learned of their upcoming ten-year class reunion. So as not to look pathetic, they make up stories of what they’ve done and the success they’ve had. But essentially, both girls were disenfranchised and seen as losers.

I have since learned that Alex had somewhat of a relationship with Sorvino on Twitter. But the only tweet that I saw was the last one where Sorvino is expressing her sorrow over Alex’s death.

Alex wasn’t seen as a loser. Instead, he was unconventional with eclectic tastes for his age.

American Beauty/Thora Birch

This story was beautifully filmed in all its darkness. The movie stars Kevin Spacey as Lester and Annette Bening as Carolyn. Lester is an advertising executive who has a midlife crisis and becomes infatuated with his teenage daughter’s best friend. Thora Birch plays their insecure daughter, who hates both of them. Yet, despite her low self-esteem, she is a cheerleader.

Lester and Carolyn are both unhappily married. Lester, sick of his job, quits. Carolyn has an affair of her own with one of Lester’s previous business rivals. Eventually, Carolyn shoots Lester dead. There was one homoerotic scene between Lester and his next-door neighbor in the film. That could have piqued his interest in the movie, but he was only 11 and not yet in touch with who he was, like most of us at that age.

Alex was enthralled with Thora Birch for a time, but it mainly was the movie that he loved. He saw it over and over.

Six Feet Under

This dark television drama series was about a family that ran a funeral home. It was written by Alan Ball, who also wrote American Beauty. The series opened with the death of the founder of the mortuary, a husband, father, and business owner. His youngest was Claire, played by Lauren Ambrose, and one of the reasons Alex related so much to the show. She was an outcast. When the series began in 2001, he had just become a teenager, and Ambrose played one in the show.

Both Alex and Ambrose were left of center.

Alex didn’t fall head-over-heels for Ambrose, but he did for the show. I found that fascinating, as the dialogue was very “grown-up.” It was one of the strangest family dynamics I’ve seen on TV. Maybe it was akin to his upbringing — what he was around and what he was feeling at that moment. His Mom and I had recently divorced, and it wasn’t pretty. Female judges love women in divorce court.

Mean Girls/Lindsay Lohan

I was somewhat removed from Alex’s life when he was in high school. Not unusual for a parent to feel at that age anyway. Mean Girls was released in 2004 and is still Lindsay Lohan’s most successful and memorable film. Lohan was a childhood star, having been signed to Ford Models when she was three years old. Before Mean Girls, she achieved notoriety as the lead in Disney’s The Parent Trap in 1998, beginning her film career.

Her life was tumultuous, with alleged issues on the set, showing up late, if at all, and displaying bouts with her then alcoholism. Lohan became the best fodder for the tabloid press. She was arrested and charged with DUI twice. Her stints in rehab and on probation went on for years.

Lohan was the disenfranchised.

That’s probably why Alex was so enamored with her. Alex maintained a healthy presence on social media, but he was usually disguised or went incognito. He even changed his screen name to Alex Lohan for a few years.

Britney Spears

Everyone’s favorite (fill in the blank). Talk about drama and disenfranchisement. She requires no introduction. She was in our faces for years over the issue of her father’s conservatorship.

What set his relationship with Spears apart from the others was the depth of his adoration for her. Especially in the two years leading up to his death, Alex posted numerous videos on Instagram imitating Britney’s dance moves and choreography to a T.

In one shoot, he is doing all the moves and choreography from “Piece of Me” on the ledge of an escarpment overlooking the red canyons of southern Utah. Then, in a move that was so Alex, he mooned us!

Having heard from others and knowing what I know, these two shared their depression. Alex repeatedly tried corresponding with Spears to no avail.

No Conclusion

While Alex tried to explain why to all of us in an email message he wrote before his death, there are reasons behind his decision that aren’t necessarily disclosed.

We blame ourselves.

One of Alex’s best friends, author and university professor Chris Steadman, wrote and produced a podcast about the relationship between Alex and Britney Spears. The first episode introduces a new character in the unfolding drama: Alice. We have to wonder: is Alice…Britney?

Here are a few excerpts from Steadman’s podcast:

“He was a lot in all the best ways. He was a lot because he chased his joy — went all-in on it. He was a prolific creator of the dumbest means!”

“When Alex loved something, he loved it hard. It consumed him.”

“I don’t think he loved anyone harder than he loved Britney Spears.”

“Britney was his constant. His adoration for her never wavered.”

“He cared about her as much as he cared about himself.”

“As much space as Britney took up in his head, something else loomed even larger — his depression.”

I’ll end here. Depression takes a toll.

In this case, the toll was my son, Alex.

You can listen to the first episode of Steadman’s podcast, “Unread,” here. The three others are in the links below.

Unread, Episode 2 Unread, Episode 3 Unread, Episode 4

Here are a couple of my other stories about Alex:

If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide or self-harm, we encourage you to contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1–800–273-TALK (8255).

This lifeline is free and confidential. It is open 24 hours a day and provides support, information, and local resources to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress and those around them. Call for more information or visit www.suicidepreventionhotline.org.