How Meetups helped improve my speaking and social skills
It’s only when you look back and reflect that you realize the transitions and transformations that you have been through. We work towards our goals everyday but the smaller achievements often go unnoticed, especially by oneself. Taking the time to view this journey from a broader perspective helps in recognizing the growth that has transpired.
Such is the case with me and my confidence while speaking to a larger audience. It was not until one of my friends pointed it out when I realized that there had been a positive change in the way I speak in a room full of people. And that is precisely the ‘broader perspective’ that I mentioned earlier.
People who observe you from afar are in a better position to notice these changes as they have that distant view and are not always entrenched in the details of your life. They could be friends, family, colleagues or acquaintances.
Coming back to the ‘speaking’ topic, I noticed more and more people (mostly colleagues and a few friends) nonchalantly pointing out that I was a capable speaker. Now, to me that was odd because most of my life I considered myself to be an introvert which in my head automatically represented a lack of speaking and social skills. The truth is far from that but that is a topic for another post.
Another thing that led to my surprise was that I was in fact not the best orator during my school years and all the way through college. I would shudder at the prospect of public speaking, especially presentations.
Upon some reflection, I noticed the same changes that the others had pointed out. There was a distinct difference not only in the way I spoke but also in the way I approached any situation in which I would have to speak. And on further reflection, it led me to one major factor — Meetups.
Meetup was founded back in 2002 but I only came across the concept in 2015 when one of my co-workers first introduced me to it when I had just moved to a new city — Greensboro, NC. He had been attending these meetups only for a couple of weeks himself so he wanted some company during the next event.
A lack of familiarity with the city as well as not knowing too many people pushed me to take the chance and see what all the fuss was about. Interestingly at the time, I didn’t exactly know what a ‘meetup’ entailed and I simply thought it would be a hangout at a bar with a few co-workers.
We entered this industrial looking establishment called Old Winston Social Club which was located in a nearby city called Winston-Salem (where I live now).
Not knowing what to expect, I followed my friend’s lead as he approached this group of people. To my surprise, we were about to hang out with an entire group of random people while having drinks, playing games (jenga, pool, shuffle board etc.) and socializing.
To me this was an alien concept and almost felt like a networking event where you need to engage and build chemistry with some of the people. If things go well, you might even come out of the encounter with a new friend or two. And that is exactly what happened.
Interestingly, one of the new people I met that day is still a friend to date and had introduced me to this other meetup group which laid the foundation to meet even more people who would turn into good friends. You may be thinking, what about the two colleagues who introduced me to this thing in the first place? Well, they went their own ways not too long after that first meetup.
After attending my second, third and fourth meetup simply through word-of-mouth, someone logically suggested that I download the Meetup app so that I could explore these events myself to see what I might find interesting.
So I started RSVP-ing to events on my own but I kind of already knew some of the people at that point and would only plan to attend if they attended. Eventually, a group of us (around 10–12 people) started attending this one event which occurred every Thursday at a bar called Jake’s Billiards. Yes, we would interact with other attendees as well but would mostly stick to our group.
Overcoming the mental block
Being an introvert, I had to force myself to attend these events especially in the beginning. So having someone you know at the event helped my confidence greatly. It’s far less daunting to talk to strangers when you have someone with you. This can be used as a springboard.
As time went by, I got more and more comfortable with starting conversations myself and things got progressively easier as I familiarized myself with some of the more frequent attendees.
There came a time when I would engage in a conversation so freely that I would even surprise myself. I would joke around, engage multiple people into the topic, discuss similar interests, make separate plans and everything in between.
However, when the time came to attend one of these events again, I would still have second-thoughts and would almost wish that the meetup would be cancelled. That’s the introvert bit but it’s something that I knew I had to overcome by putting myself in those uncomfortable situations.
Today, I feel like I am still an introvert but with better social skills and more confidence. I am still most comfortable when I am alone but if a social situation came up, it’s not too difficult to flip the switch.
How it helped at work
I can’t recall where I came across this suggestion but one thing that helped immensely at work was to slow down the pace at which I spoke. This is something I subconsciously applied and tested during the meetups as well.
Regardless of the situation, speaking slowly always helps and allows the sentences being formed to be coherent. These are few of the important ways in which it helps:
- Slowing down the pace of speaking allows you to think clearly and put together your thoughts in an articulate manner. You can literally hear yourself think as opposed to hearing yourself speak.
- Prevents filler words such as ‘um’, ‘uh’, ‘like’ and ‘you know’. I have learned that it’s better to replace these words with a second or two of silence which also allows you to think and string together your next set of words.
- Pausing while speaking also lets other people know that you have control over your narrative and also provides the sense of proper punctuation in speech.
These fairly simple techniques have helped me in more ways than I can think of, be it presentations, providing updates during small/big meetings, interviewing candidates, building chemistry with a colleague you have never met before etc.
How it helped in day-to-day life
There are way too many examples of this. Here are a handful of them:
- Not being afraid to talk on the phone and eventually preferring it that way
Simple real-world calls such as making a doctor’s appointment, talking to a car salesperson, calling customer service for a credit card etc., were daunting tasks when I first started work. Now, I would rather have it this way as opposed to simply leaving a message.
Not only am I more comfortable while speaking on the phone but also this is often the quickest possible way to resolve a matter.
2. Giving a speech at a friend’s wedding
This is probably the first time I realized a major change in the way I spoke, especially to a large audience.
Two things stood out for me, 1) I took my time with the speech which follows the practice of slowing things down as I described earlier and 2) I was confident because I knew the content of my speech to a good degree. So preparation was a significant part of it.
But even while preparing, I told myself that if I do forget anything during the big event, it was important to not stop the flow. There are two ways to do that, 1) remember the gist of the paragraph and come up with alternative words or the same words again, 2) close the current topic and move on to the next, no one knows what you prepared.
3. Meeting and engaging in conversations with random people
Whenever I was introduced to friends of friends, or friends of family or friends of colleagues, I wasn’t afraid to engage. After the meetup experience, this was far less challenging. For me, there is always going to be an element of nervousness while meeting new people but the key is to hide it, which is something else I learned from the meetups.
4. Negotiating for goods and services
These are invaluable skills which often go under the radar. Things like making a restaurant reservation, negotiating an auto insurance quote, changing a flight reservation, etc., are normal things but it really helps to have a commanding presence on the phone in order to get the best deal in terms of time, effort and money.
5. The list goes on…
Well, this has been my journey and I keep looking for ways to fine-tune what I have learned over the years. Like most things, there is no end to learning when it comes to improving one’s speaking ability.
If you have made it this far into this post, I really appreciate your interest and patience. Feel free to leave a comment!
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