How Meditation Became My Lifesaver
A Journey to Inner Peace
It all started with an unexpected call from my boss, a call that marked the beginning of a journey I could never have predicted.
I was on tenterhooks, eagerly awaiting news about a promotion I had tirelessly pursued.
“I’m sorry,” my boss’s voice held a tone of regret, “but the position isn’t yours. I’ve dreaded making this call all day. You should know that I fought for you, but upper management had the final say.”
I was dumbfounded, my response laced with disbelief, “Seriously? Who got it?”
He paused, “I can’t say right now, but the announcement will come later today. I promise I’ll do everything to get you moving up.”
Though I believed his sincerity, a spark of anger simmered within me. We’d known each other for six years, both in and out of work. I knew this call was tough on him, so I held back. In the corporate game, politics were at play. I yearned for answers he couldn’t provide. Why did I miss the opportunity? What could I have done differently?
To gain more insight, I requested a meeting with his boss. Her feedback left me infuriated, yet it set me on a path of profound self-reflection and discovery.
The conversation began with me overthinking all the ways I felt I’d been unjustly treated, sounding akin to a child’s tantrum in a grocery store denied a candy bar. My 15-minute diatribe culminated in a simple yet profound response that haunted me:
“You must let go. You’re intense, much like me. Don’t be as intense as you are.”
“Too intense” — those words sent shivers down my spine. Was it a discreet way of calling me an insufferable person? Was that how the company perceived me? Was I genuinely unbearable?
I had always viewed myself as passionately dedicated to achieving results. I was brought up to believe that if you didn’t pour your heart and soul into something, it wasn’t worth doing. My approach to life had been no different. I considered hard work the key to climbing the corporate ladder. It was a profound revelation; if I wanted to progress, I had to reshape my image. My mission to fix my reputation kicked off with a simple Google search.
In my quest to shed the veneer of “intensity,” I executed a swift Google search on “books about not caring.” This search led me to Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*CK, a book I devoured within days.
Mark’s candid writing style resonated with me, offering unvarnished truths. His message was clear: we have limited “fucks” to give, so we must choose them wisely. We can’t afford to care about everything; we must prioritize.
The book compelled me to confront the reality that I cared about too many things. Change was necessary. Yet, I sensed something was missing, prompting my quest to continue.
Amid my intense persona, I recognized a deep-seated unhappiness. Life was perpetually viewed through a pessimistic lens. Every minor inconvenience irked me. I internalized everything, taking offense at the world’s every gesture. I resembled Larry David in Curb Your Enthusiasm.
A book titled 10% Happier by Dan Harris crossed my path. Dan, a journalist who endured panic attacks, embarked on a quest to silence the relentless inner chatter. I empathized with his struggle, as I grappled with a ceaseless inner monologue of my own.
He encountered various religious leaders, mental health professionals, and gurus in pursuit of serenity, ultimately stumbling upon meditation. My prior experiences with meditation were uninspiring, but if Dan had found solace through it, why couldn’t I?
In 2017, I consulted a therapist for anxiety, resolute in my refusal to turn to medication. My previous attempt with Paxil had been a bizarre, side-effect-ridden debacle. My therapist recommended meditation as a means to manage anxiety. Skepticism loomed as I downloaded the Calm app and commenced my journey. Sitting with closed eyes, focusing on my breath, it seemed futile. I expected instantaneous results and, after a mere five days, I abandoned the practice.
After concluding Dan’s book, I resurrected my commitment to meditation, resolving to practice daily for 30 days, regardless of the outcome. At this juncture, I was open to anything. There were two inescapable facts: my professional reputation demanded repair, and I yearned for happiness.
As I write this, I’ve meditated for 605 consecutive days. Meditation has become an indispensable part of my life, and it works in mysterious ways.
A few weeks into my daily practice, a car cut me off on the highway. In the past, I would have reacted with fury, honking and gesturing angrily. But on this day, I simply thought, “This person must be in a hurry,” and let it go. That was the moment when I knew meditation had the potential to transform my life. Awareness had unlocked the gateway to inner peace.
The life lessons I’ve imbibed and continually practice form the core of my newfound happiness. Gratitude, acceptance of impermanence, equanimity, non-judgment, non-reactivity, embracing uncertainty, and loving-kindness have become my daily mantras. Additionally, I’ve incorporated phrases like “Right now, it’s like this” to manage emotions.
I shared my journey with my boss’s superior, asserting that not receiving the promotion had been a blessing in disguise. The wisdom imparted by meditation luminaries such as Mark Manson, Dan Harris, Eckhart Tolle, Tamara Levitt, and Jeff Warren, has transformed my life. The world is, after all, neutral; it’s our ego that labels experiences as good or bad. Learning to embrace the present moment is a lifelong practice.
Perhaps, if I hadn’t perceived the promotion snub as a setback and resisted the decision, I could have spared myself unnecessary suffering. Thanks to these remarkable authors and meditation, I found a path to inner peace. In August 2022, I was rewarded with a promotion, and my life was forever changed.
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